Family help: How do I tell my parents what they need to hear before I move out? - Help.com



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How do I tell my parents what they need to hear before I move out?

I’m moving out in about a week and I want to leave on good terms with my parents. I’ve never especially gotten along with either of them, my dad because we are WAY TOO alike and my mom because she’s very, well… annoying and never quite understood that I needed my space. So I’m hoping that now I’ll have the space that will allow me to grow and develop myself, and then once I do that I’ll be able to form a relationship with them.

Also, more on my dad. We used to do all kinds of father-daughter things when I was younger, I was always sort of a tomboy so we had fun going to “the gorge” or on bike rides and such. But the problem was that we butted heads a lot, and when that happened it was bad… like, really bad. It got so bad, in fact, that I eventually realized it was better to just have no relationship with him at all. I was 12 when I decided this, and it was actually a pretty big decision for someone that young. I soon noticed things getting A LOT better. Its hard to explain, but basically having no relationship meant we would pretend the other didn’t exist, but having a relationship to him meant having a say in my life and the things I did, which would start fights. Even my siblings have admitted that he’s always held some sort of unfair resentment towards me for reasons that none of us could ever figure out and that it’s much more peaceful for our family when we don’t talk. However, I want to tell him that I see me moving out as a chance for us to have a relationship again because I won’t have to worry about the fights it will cause, but it’s been like this for so long that I don’t know how. I have problems opening up to people to begin with, and I find it especially hard to open up to someone that I haven’t had a relationship with for years.

And I want to let my mom know that I see this as a chance for me to have space from her so I can learn to appreciate all the motherly things she does.

I’m not a very emotional person and I’m not comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings. So how do I let them know these things without feeling like I’m stripped bare, because that’s something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do.

This open post was written 1 month, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 131, 1, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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thekingofkings1986 offline Verified User (1 year, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 1 week ago (47 minutes after post)

I know exacly how you feel. When we kids start growing up, the things that our parents say and do to us, seem a little, I don’t know…. Not good.
I’m having thet problem too, but it’s just the way that you look at it. If you look at the bad side, it will look bad, and if you look at the good side, it will be good.

Always remember that your parents were the ones that brought you to this life, without them you wouldn’t even exist. So everything you had, have and will ever have, is thanks to them.

When my parents say something that I don’t like, I always tell them like:
I dont like the things you say, I tell them why I dont like it, I also tell them that I understand the good in it, and I thank them for what they said, because you learned something from them.

Think of this for instance:
You are a small kid, and you steal things. That is not good, and your parents scold you. You won’t like it and sometime again you will steal, and you will get a beating from your parants. You won’t like that either. But if they don’t scold and beat you, you’ll become a thief.
The point in this is, everything thay your parents say and do to you, is to make you stronger, don’t worry if you don’t see it, someday you will…

And what to say to your parents? I think that is obvious:
Thank your mother for being so caring for you. (The thing that you call annoying, was always caring, trust me). Tell her that you are sorry for all the wrongs that you have done.
Tell your father that you are sorry fot all the times that you butted heads. Thanks him for being there for you and understand you.
Thank them both for taking care for you and making you a grown up, so you can take car of youself now. Tell them that they are the best parents in the world. Tell them how proud you are to be their kid. Give them a very very strong hug…..

Some advise from me: (As a friend??)
Please forget all the things that went wrong and try to remember the good things that they did for you. Please don’t abandon them or something like that. Give them a place in your life and in your heart..Partents don’t need much from their kids, just some attention. And be there always for them. Don’t end up a day thinking: “I wish I spent more time with my parents.”

“Live is only once, so make the most of it, make others happy, and it will reflect back to you. Don’t do anything, that will make you regret for the rest of your life.”

I wish you all the best…..

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