depression help: I think I’m crazy.

hersheysgs

I think I’m crazy.

To start off, I’m only 17, and most of you will probably think that this is ridiculous. I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (pretty much all of them, the social aspect especially), and with depression. The depression is getting worse, and I don’t really know how to handle it. I’m on Paxil 40 mg. and I hate it. I hate it more than anything, it obviously hasn’t helped. I’ve been on it for 5 months, almost six. I’ve never really liked to do anything, my whole life pretty much because of my anxiety and I never liked to go out. I do have friends, and a boyfriend…who I’m scaring. I’m scaring the only person who really seems to care for me. He’s scared because he doesn’t want to be the only person that I lean on. That I rely on. But if I don’t have my family (because everyone else has so much **** to deal with, my dad just tried to kill himself and wound up in the mental hospital, my sisters going through a terrible divorce, my other sister just graduated and is now planning on getting married, I’m the youngest of my family and my problems always seem to get pushed on the rug.) who else am I supposed to lean on? What else am I supposed to do.

My therapist is great. Except I can tell even she thinks I’m crazy, for some reason I get something out of being sad. I’m not sure what it is, but all I want to do is get better. I don’t know how to help myself anymore. If theres no one to talk to, no one to hold my hand all of the time, I just break down. I constantly need someone to tell me things are going to be okay, but NO ONE does it. Even when I’m finally ADMITTING that I do have a problem, and I do need help.

I would really like it if someone could just… I don’t even know what I’m looking for. I just feel like things are going down hill…and faster than ever. No. I’m not about to kill myself, yes..I have thought about it, but no. I wouldn’t ever. And I would even LOVE to go to the psych ward to just get a vacation from my life. Except for the fact that my family has been extremely wealthy my whole life, and now we’re trying to sell our house, and my parents are always screaming about money and how we DO NOT have any more.

I want to give up. That’s all I want to do, but something won’t let me. Probably because I’d feel too bad for everyone having to deal with me constantly.
Thanks for anyone who even took a couple minutes out of their day to read this.

This open post was written 1 month, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 161, 5, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post hersheysgs may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. hersheysgs is a verified member, has been around for 1 month, 2 weeks and has 1 posts and 7 replies to their name.

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HelpBot 3 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 1 month, 2 weeks ago (0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

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abby_ 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 2 weeks ago (38 minutes after post)

Honey, life can be really really hard sometimes, much harder for some more than others and I think its great that you’re taking such a mature approach to your problems right now. You need to believe that things are going to get better, you may not feel like that now but nothing stays the same for long, and soon things will change. I’m glad that suicide isnt something you believe to be the answer - and that is a sign of a balanced mind in itself remember! Keeping a hold on life’s perspective is all we can hope to achieve if we cant change our immediate situation.

I’m the same age as you and I think it’s a terrible shame that you feel this way, but you’ve got to fight it! It can be easier to comfort ourselves through feeling sad - because after all we’re getting the attention we crave from telling ourselves how bad we feel. I know this is a mental illness you are suffering from, but often I believe these things can be made worse by telling ourselves our situation is bad.

Labels of ‘insanity’ can be very bad things, try not to think of yourself as being crazy or needy. Try to surround yourself by people who bring you happiness rather than comfort you - you seem to have a wonderful boyfriend, maybe go out and spend some time having some fun together rather than offloading your troubles onto him. Distractions can be a wonderful thing, and although it is healthy to let out emotions, its also no good to cling onto them.

P.S I think you’re doing really well honey, you’ve acknowledged your problem but you’re not making your situation worse for it. Keep holding on and things will get better. I promise xx

(If you want someone to talk to, I’m starting a forum for teens to talk about general problems - I dont have any qualifications mind, but I think just talking through things can help anybody)
My advice blog - http://theflamedame.weebly.com/advice…

TheFlameDame

hyenadan85 5 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 2 weeks ago (43 minutes after post)

dont worry, you might seem like you are very unlucky in this life and everyone else is lucky but everyone in unlucky, life isnt even close to perfect. only thing you can do to have a great life is get a job,have a caring family and be loved and love someone. if you have those things you are doing great. al i can say is stay strong, try to talk more and make more friends and if you do talk alot then ask the people you talk to to hang. invite them to go somewhere with you and your friends. your ok dont worry. and your boyfriend i understand but to make him feel better and have him there for you find more friends and lean on them. that is what friends are for. hope i can help, if you still have questions please ask, i would be more than happy to ask

Help me with: girls only!

rl.ange 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 1 week ago (2 days, 11 hours after post)

You write very well and are obviously intelligent.

If at some point you decide to stop taking Paxil, I suggest that you cut down vs. stop taking it. That type of medication is dangerous for some people when they abruptly stop.

My next suggestion is to ask for a different therapist. Find one you’re comfortable with and can trust enough that you feel comfortable vs. what you’d stated above.

There are a lot of holistic approaches that can help. Some forms of anxiety and/or depression are simply hypoglocemia. Cutting out sugar, especially processed foods helps a lot of people. Meditation is also a useful tool.

If you do find a new therapist from what I’ve read, those who practice Cognative Behavioral Therapy may prescribe something or another temporarily, but the goal is one of learning to balance life in such a way that it becomes comfortably livable without Rx.

hersheysgs 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 month, 1 week ago (4 days after post)

I actually had stopped taking Paxil for 2-3 days when I wrote this, and have found out that it was the medication that had made me think I was so insane. I’m going through withdrawl right now, and trust me..no one ever wants to deal with this.

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