guys help: need help understanding a guy. - Help.com

A LOT of guys do that for some reason. I would usually think they do it to hide their feelings but in your case it’s kind of hard to tell.

Anxiety is his problem.

He’s anxious about making the next steps. Doesn’t know how to do it or when to do it. Afraid of rejection and humiliation.

The more you stress about this the more he will pick up on that stress and the more he will get distant. See?

Take out all the stress here and let him relax. Just keep smiling at him and DO NOT take anything he does personally. He’s battling his own fear.

He’s taking it slow. He doesn’t want to rush things.

linuxya wrote:
Anxiety is his problem.

He’s anxious about making the next steps. Doesn’t know how to do it or when to do it. Afraid of rejection and humiliation.

The more you stress about this the more he will pick up on that stress and the more he will get distant. See?

Take out all the stress here and let him relax. Just keep smiling at him and DO NOT take anything he does personally. He’s battling his own fear.

but the thing is..hes not really the anxious type.
hes really relaxed and chill about everything, and i don’t think asking a girl out is that big of a deal for him because hes always telling me that he thinks im hot and that he loves me.
he just has days where like he doesnt talk to me and i dont knwo if its because im doing something wrong or what..

iluvmuzicxoxo wrote:
but the thing is..hes not really the anxious type.
hes really relaxed and chill about everything

ha ha ha. listen, the guys who seem really cool? they work hard to control and repress their anxiety. I am one of them. People think I am so laid back. However I am an anxiety nightmare. I’ve found the same in others.

He’s trying to reduce his anxiety by (a) telling you all that hot crap in a way that’s probably light hearted and cool; (b) avoiding you when he can’t control his emotions enough to still seem cool around you.

See?

linuxya wrote:
He’s trying to reduce his anxiety by (a) telling you all that hot crap in a way that’s probably light hearted and cool; (b) avoiding you when he can’t control his emotions enough to still seem cool around you.

See?

hah i guess that actually makes sense..
i really hope youre right and its not just that i did something wrong.
so what should i do? just relax and dont think about it?

It’s natural for you to feel insecure about this.

But when you feel insecure, he sees it in your face and he thinks you have a problem with him. So he gets more distant to deal with his anxiety.

The key is to ease the pressure. Keep smiling at him whatever you do. Your face transmits all your insecurities and it will look worried or unhappy to him if you don’t keep that smile and happy thoughts. Basically insecurity is a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Be self-assured, friendly and busy with your own friends and interests. If you want to increase attraction, ask him his opinions on things and for help with things. Keep smiling. Leave the rest to him.

I suspect you guys just went way too fast to start (hugging and talking about hotness) and now he’s unsure where to go next. So reset your speeds and keep things relaxed.

well, maybe you haven’t exactly set the ground rules yet. maybe you need to discuss whether you are actually dating, and whether you guys should hug or kiss or whatever. guys are weird sometimes. :\

haha ok. thanks for the help linux, it really did help (: