friends help: I’m really f-ing angry and nothing makes me feel better. - Help.com

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Note: I’m a robot that the Help.com staff created. If this response is in error, I apologize, please ignore it.

All anger comes from fear.

The fear makes you uncomfortable. You blame that discomfort on other people. That turns the fear into anger.

The answer is this: accept that you are fearful. WE all are. Accept that YOU OWN that fear. It belongs to you. It is not caused by other people. It is caused by how you interact with the world. When you accept that, then you can work on how to cope with those fears: of rejection, humiliation, etc.

Not only will your anger disappear but you will start enjoying better relationships because you will see that other people are fearful too and you will help them relax around you. When people relax around you, then you feel less fear as well and the chance for anger just dries up completely.

I never blamed anyone else. My point about the other people, was having someone who actually knows me to talk to and go out with, might be helpful/nice.

I know it’s me, your post doens’t help at all, it’s just a bunch of existential mumbo jumbo that doesn’t even pertain to what I’m talking about. Good job.

Anonymous wrote:
I know it’s me, your post doens’t help at all, it’s just a bunch of existential mumbo jumbo that doesn’t even pertain to what I’m talking about. Good job.

You just proved my point by blaming ME for your own dissatisfaction.

My post was exactly on point - you complained about panic attacks (the flight portion of anxiety) and anger (the fight portion of anxiety). My post is also based purely on science.

I understand where you are because I used to be there. It took some pretty hard life experiences to snap me out of it. There are plenty of people who would like to help you if you allow yourself to treat them respectfully.

What am I afraid of then?

The most basic part of the brain creates anxiety. This part of the brain is common to all animals. Anxiety is created whenever you are in a situation that is new or uncomfortable. That basic part of the brain basically has two settings: FIGHT or RUN AWAY. This part of the brain evolved to save your life from all the creatures trying to kill you.

We all feel discomfort constantly throughout the day. If you step back you can watch how people deal with their own discomfort by fighting (being abusive, aggressive, putting people down, getting angry, controlling, manipulating, being passive aggressive which is basically the silent treatment) OR by running away (physically leaving, withdrawing, refusing to talk about things, repressing emotions and reactions)

Over time the decisions you make based on the anxiety you feel lead to a pattern of behaviour.

For some, they get so used to running away that they isolate themselves from others, they don’t try new things, they give up easily, they give in easily, and eventually they feel overwhelmed and want to commit suicide — the ultimate in running away.

For others, they get so used to fighting that they react with anger whenever they are uncomfortable. If they feel angry, they blame someone else for it and they refuse to empathize with anyone else’s point of view.

Here’s a practical example:

You responded very rudely to my post which made me uncomfortable.

- I could have walked away (RUN AWAY)
- I could have responded angrily (FIGHT)

Those are the two basic reactions.

Instead I forced myself to consider your point of view and figure out a way to help you see my point.

Here’s another practical example:

I was on a bus where an older woman was blocking the aisle at the front because she was holding onto a post. When I asked her to move back so we could get on she reacted with anger (FIGHT) and said I shouldn’t tell her what to do. She couldn’t stand on a moving bus without holding onto a post. So I suggested someone give her a seat and she reacted again with anger (FIGHT) saying she didn’t need one even when people repeatedly offered. She wasn’t be logical. She was angry because she was being forced to get outside her comfort zone and she didn’t have the coping skills to be constructive about it.

This is all pure science. I urge you to do some reading on the brain and how this all works. It is essential understanding your own behaviour AND how the way you react to your discomfort makes you angry or panicky.

There are some very simple coping strategies to deal with these sensations.

Most of that doesn’t sound like me. Weird.

I just wanna fix it.