Broke up with my Girl Friend a October 1st of this year, hardest thing ive ever done in my entire life.
We had been going out since June 14, 2007, 2 years i loved her so much, but after I went to boot camp over this summer at Fort Knox Kentucky for the U.S. Army, something happened. The Army Stripped me of who i was, what i love, who i cared about and changed me into something else. I Left home positive and urning to get to boot camp and missing my girlfriend so much, and i couldnt wait to see her when i got home. But after a week or two went by, i started getting deppressed. I missed boot camp, i miss the active duty army life, i miss my 54 outlaw brothers and my 3 drill sgt. fathers and would do anything to go back. I came home to my friends not talking to me anymore, finishing my senior year in highschool and it was just so deppressing. I came from a perfect, organized sociaty of pure military orginization, and returned to this horriable civilian life where im just another joe. I had a purpose in boot camp. But after two weeks of crying, depression, and lack of motivation, i stopped loving my girlfriend like i did before bootcamp. Its not that i disliked her, its just, there was no love, no nothing. Derek Alan Hopper didn’t make it out of boot camp, only Pvt. Hopper did. So i couldnt play her, i couldnt lie to her. So i told her the truth. Baby i dont love you like i did, Im not derek anymore, i still care about you and think about you, but i dont love you, and i cant go on like this, its not right. After two year she broke down in tears. She knew it was going to happen, she tried so hard to kepp me happy, to cheer me up, but could sense it coming to an end. Derek is dead, and only this assimilated soldier remains. I still think about her, alot, when im alone, I go home from school every and go into my room, and think WTF and i going to do with my day, my week, my month, year, life. I dont know anymore, until i graduate highschool and finish ait, i get deployed next year, i dont have a purpose till then. I met this girl, who i have, who i love, i love ok, i can say that because its true, I really love her i have feelings i have never had ever exsperianced before with Tarah. I love her so much and would do anything for her. She makes me so happy, she, helped me find my smile, when i smile, i know what it means to smile. I blush when i talk to her, when i hear her voice i melt into goo. She has the same feelings for me. Shes attracted to me, loves me, loves the sound of my voice, my smile, just me and who i am. She never met Derek, Just the Private out of basic. She loves the new me, who i am now. But as happy as i am. My ex says everything is fine, i still think about her, i wrote a page long pape of confession to her saying i want her back and would do anything to get her back, earn back everything, start over. I wrote it in the morning, and had it in my pocket all day, and after school i was going to give it to her, and tor it up. I didnt care about the letter, i was like i dont feel it anymore, i dont wanna give it to her. Now is it my emotions just running wild making me write these things, still think about my ex. Or am i still in love with her, idk, i mean i love tarah, i plan on marrying her, With tarah, for the first time in my life i thought, when i go to afghanastan next year, i smiled and said to myself, i know ill have someone to come home to. I never felt that way with my ex, i didnt care if i died over seas, but now, i have a reason to live. But it still brings up the fact of my emotions about my ex. What is wrong, why am i still thinking about her, why do i miss her still, I didnt leave my ex for tarah, even though my ex thinks it. I left her because i didnt love her. So what are your opions on my problem, idk, i think about my ex, and wanna get back together, and then after a while goes by i say no, i dont i love tarah? Sincerly your Protecter of Freedom, Pvt. Hopper
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