depression help: It seems that I’ll never be able to get ANY help whatsoever… I have to deal with all problems on my own. - Help.com

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You say you are 21 years old?

littlenick wrote:
You say you are 21 years old?

yeah, I guess it does not seem like it…

How long before you graduate from college? And what is your major?

littlenick wrote:
How long before you graduate from college? And what is your major?

well, I do not know now… technically it is a year, but I might need to take some time off… I’d major in biochem, but continue on studying psychology.

What’s the deal with your parents? You think they became invasive because they caught you smoking? Or are there other issues?

littlenick wrote:
What’s the deal with your parents? You think they became invasive because they caught you smoking? Or are there other issues?

no, that was just one of the examples. Basically they’re watching over how/what I eat, when I go to bed, when I wake up, what I wear, whom I talk on the phone to, etc, etc. And they EXPECT me to FAIL- i.e. if something bad happens, my mom says “I thought so”, and if I actually do succeed she says something in the terms “that won’t last long”.

Now you need to prove her wrong. You need to succeed in every way possible that you can so you can become independent and autonomous. Just because they’re helping you and providing for you somewhat, they don’t have to throw it in you face.

Are you an only child?

littlenick wrote:
Now you need to prove her wrong. You need to succeed in every way possible that you can so you can become independent and autonomous. Just because they’re helping you and providing for you somewhat, they don’t have to throw it in you face.

Are you an only child?

No, I have a younger brother (he’s 18)

Do you have a job?

littlenick wrote:
Do you have a job?

No, I’m looking for one. I just got accepted as a child tutor and am having several more job interviews in the next few days.

Sometimes, some parents, let us make mistakes on our own so maybe we can taste what is like to fail. However, other parents never let us live those mistakes down. It seems like your parents have done that with you. Unless the issues are more deeply rooted than what you’re saying, your parents are not doing you any favors by treating you the way they treat you.

Have they talked to a counselor about your situation and the relationship that you and them have?

littlenick wrote:
Sometimes, some parents, let us make mistakes on our own so maybe we can taste what is like to fail. However, other parents never let us live those mistakes down. It seems like your parents have done that with you. Unless the issues are more deeply rooted than what you’re saying, your parents are not doing you any favors by treating you the way they treat you.

Have they talked to a counselor about your situation and the relationship that you and them have?

Well, I NEED to talk to one, but for some reason (as I said in my original post) they keep on referring me to someone else OR giving me hard time setting up an appointment. For example, recently I tried to set up an appointment with a counselor at my local clinic, but the receptionist said to talk to her directly. The doctor was not there, so I left a message on her phone. Of course, she never called back.

You must make an appointment for your whole family to meet with a counselor. You need an objective view about your problem with your parents and your family so maybe they can get you on the road to the solution of the problems that you have.

Hi, I just got an invite to come.

I have to leave and care for my son, but I am interested in your post.

Basically, I would say exactly what Littlenick said: prove your parents wrong. Become the “bigger” person. Show them what you can do. Do lots and lots of soul searching and find out what YOU are all about and then achieve your goals.

I know parents can s uck, especially when they always point out the negative and never the positive. Ask them if they have heard of the saying “you can catch more flies with honey…”

I have the same issues, though, and I’m in my 30’s, married, with three kids. My parents criticize me for any decision, big to little…I cut my hair and my mom says that she doesn’t like the style; I decide to have another baby, and she says that she can’t be part of the baby’s life b/c she doesn’t agree with my decision to have another….it is hard to get over that, and it takes years. But you can do it. The best way to do it would be to distance yourself (physicallly and emotionally) as much/as soon as you can so that you can ‘find yourself’ and be happy with WHO YOU BECAME

I hope I’m not way off base, here. I didn’t read everything, just skimmed. :s

littlenick wrote:
You must make an appointment for your whole family to meet with a counselor. You need an objective view about your problem with your parents and your family so maybe they can get you on the road to the solution of the problems that you have.

I wish it were that easy… I’m afraid it is IMPOSSIBLE to drag my mom to the counselor, although she has as many mental problems as I do, if not more. She’s in deep denial, however. To her, getting any kind of psychological treatment is equal to being stigmatized as a “mentally ill”.

Pepper Jelly wrote:
Hi, I just got an invite to come.

I have to leave and care for my son, but I am interested in your post.

Basically, I would say exactly what Littlenick said: prove your parents wrong. Become the “bigger” person. Show them what you can do. Do lots and lots of soul searching and find out what YOU are all about and then achieve your goals.

I know parents can s uck, especially when they always point out the negative and never the positive. Ask them if they have heard of the saying “you can catch more flies with honey…”

I have the same issues, though, and I’m in my 30’s, married, with three kids. My parents criticize me for any decision, big to little…I cut my hair and my mom says that she doesn’t like the style; I decide to have another baby, and she says that she can’t be part of the baby’s life b/c she doesn’t agree with my decision to have another….it is hard to get over that, and it takes years. But you can do it. The best way to do it would be to distance yourself (physicallly and emotionally) as much/as soon as you can so that you can ‘find yourself’ and be happy with WHO YOU BECAME

I hope I’m not way off base, here. I didn’t read everything, just skimmed. :s

Thanks!!! I feel inspired now :))

You have to do something to talk to a counselor. And if your mom refuses to go, try to paraphrase for her what the counselor says to you. You have to do something.

littlenick wrote:
You have to do something to talk to a counselor. And if your mom refuses to go, try to paraphrase for her what the counselor says to you. You have to do something.

Thanks for all your advice; I think that for now I’ll try to reach that stubborn counselor firsrt and talk to her myself, and then see what she has to say in regards to my mom and my family.

i’m always here 2 listen 2 u… :)
just leave me a shout please!
about what u have said i must admit u have had a hard life but it doesn’t mean life isn’t going 2 change,i myself have seen several people here on help.com who they had bad problem,far worse than urs,but it was solved…suicide isn’t the solution…u must solve ur problems…u can continue ur educations find a job earn money improve ur life…such as all the others :)
good luck my very best friend :D

That’s a tough one Ace, I wish things could be easier.

What I’d say is that by coming here, by speaking with us you are demonstrating your interest in growing beyond the problems. By the sound of it you are quite capable of doing so. Life is inevitably going to suck for stretches here and there, but with your kind of will, with your goals, it WILL get better.

Coalesce wrote:
That’s a tough one Ace, I wish things could be easier.

What I’d say is that by coming here, by speaking with us you are demonstrating your interest in growing beyond the problems. By the sound of it you are quite capable of doing so. Life is inevitably going to suck for stretches here and there, but with your kind of will, with your goals, it WILL get better.

Yes, I grow desperate at times, but I believe I have skills to at least start searching for a solution. I am pleasantly surprised and very glad that so many people want to help me and are concerned about me; it puts things into perspective and gives me some new motivation…

HARVARDgirl!! :) wrote:
i’m always here 2 listen 2 u… :)
just leave me a shout please!
about what u have said i must admit u have had a hard life but it doesn’t mean life isn’t going 2 change,i myself have seen several people here on help.com who they had bad problem,far worse than urs,but it was solved…suicide isn’t the solution…u must solve ur problems…u can continue ur educations find a job earn money improve ur life…such as all the others :)
good luck my very best friend :D

Thank to you too! BTW, when I am not overwhelmed with my own problems, I love to give out advice to others and help people in tough situations. So I’ll look for such posts on help.com in the future.

if u were in mood i’de ask u a lot of questions about biochemistry as i want s.o 2 have a discussion… :1
if u felt speaking about s.th completely different, s.th apart from ur problems can help u;just let me know i’d be delighted 2 ask some questions… :)

HARVARDgirl!! :) wrote:
if u were in mood i’de ask u a lot of questions about biochemistry as i want s.o 2 have a discussion… :1
if u felt speaking about s.th completely different, s.th apart from ur problems can help u;just let me know i’d be delighted 2 ask some questions… :)

Well, you can definetily write me at i> small>(email removed) /small> /i> with any questions you have :)) I’d like to keep in touch

aceofspeed wrote:

HARVARDgirl!! :) wrote:
if u were in mood i’de ask u a lot of questions about biochemistry as i want s.o 2 have a discussion… :1
if u felt speaking about s.th completely different, s.th apart from ur problems can help u;just let me know i’d be delighted 2 ask some questions… :)

Well, you can definetily write me at i> small>(email removed) /small> /i> with any questions you have :)) I’d like to keep in touch

:D

i sent u a shout ;)

You admit that you suffer from depression. Sadly, it’s the effects of depression that people suffer from - not the depression itself. Depression results into codependancy on unreliable people, decessions to act on with muddled judgement, basically going from the frying pan into the fire. The inability to assess if a person is healthy for you or not - regardless of how much they care for you, will deepen the pit.
Depression is treatable with medication - gives you a better set of eyes and ears and therefore allows you to make better decesions that you actually feel good about. You’ll see things beyond the current circumstance that you’re now in and won’t feel so lost. You have to make the first step through the goopey syrup, sanity is not easily won.
All My Best

allan_wilco wrote:
You admit that you suffer from depression. Sadly, it’s the effects of depression that people suffer from - not the depression itself. Depression results into codependancy on unreliable people, decessions to act on with muddled judgement, basically going from the frying pan into the fire. The inability to assess if a person is healthy for you or not - regardless of how much they care for you, will deepen the pit.
Depression is treatable with medication - gives you a better set of eyes and ears and therefore allows you to make better decesions that you actually feel good about. You’ll see things beyond the current circumstance that you’re now in and won’t feel so lost. You have to make the first step through the goopey syrup, sanity is not easily won.
All My Best

I’d also say that I tried way too hard to meet the expectations of others, which resulted in me myself getting dissatisfied with what I do with my life. My parents EXPECTED me to marry the guy I lived with, so I did. They EXPECTED me to go to college and pick a “popular” major, so I did. Just now though I started questioning whether I need any of this for MYSELF…

You’re an adult, sweetheart. You need to seperate what your parents expect from you, versus what you need to do for yourself. It is hard to be a people-pleaser. The more you try, the more you fail - the depression deepens.
If you do well with yourself, it is a form of success that is both gratifying and the excess from that will automatically please people - at least some of the time. And, along the way, I feel somewhat certian that your parents will be pleased with that.
It’s always good to reevaluated a failure - lest you repeat the mistake.

allan_wilco wrote:
You’re an adult, sweetheart. You need to seperate what your parents expect from you, versus what you need to do for yourself. It is hard to be a people-pleaser. The more you try, the more you fail - the depression deepens.
If you do well with yourself, it is a form of success that is both gratifying and the excess from that will automatically please people - at least some of the time. And, along the way, I feel somewhat certian that your parents will be pleased with that.
It’s always good to reevaluated a failure - lest you repeat the mistake.

Yes, perhaps I started to do that a bit too late, but at least I feel I’m on the right way, finally…

I’m somewhat of an older person. I’ve had to evalute my own circumstances from time to time and what I’ve concluded is: it’s never too late to start ANTYHING over!

allan_wilco wrote:
I’m somewhat of an older person. I’ve had to evalute my own circumstances from time to time and what I’ve concluded is: it’s never too late to start ANTYHING over!

Well, by “too late” I meant that if I brought up the courage and determination to “hold the reins of my life in my own hands” 2-3 years ago, I’d never would’ve gone through a divorce, etc.

It’s never too late for you to start over again. Don’t give up.

I see. . . Starting over or making a new step, sometimes can mean washing the A** of our former decesions - UGH! But don’t get hung up in a bunch of details that keep you circling the dead horse. For your own preservation, it’s plenty okay to forgive yourself.

needhim.org. take care ok.