Love help: i just saw my ex for the first time since we split! - Help.com

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There are many different loves, and the love that: you can’t live without them kind, is a very dangerous one. You cant love someone else before you love yourself.

Did the break up come out of the blue? Or were there already problems?

i was a little insecure, that didnt help our relationship, i know that, and ive beat myself up over it so much! we argued a bit, but were so in love :(! we had one last argument at a party, wich her friends got involved in….and the next day she broke up wwith me….any question i had…she couldnt ansewer with a good answer…! i tryed so hard to get her back…and that was 6 months ago. and havent seen her till today….! but everything nows come flooding back to me :(

Dude, I’m sorry to hear this.

The problem is anxiety. When you see here, a flood of anxiety explodes inside you. When you feel anxiety, your brain naturally searches for every reason to justify that anxiety… and it collects up all your insecurities and all the things you are angry about and you focus on that.

The way out of this mess is to realize that anxiety is a natural reaction. BUT you don’t have to let the anxiety overwhelm you. Anxiety doesn’t MEAN anything. It is a physical reaction. So when you get those overwhelming panicky feelings you focus on deep breathing in and out, longer and longer breaths. You keep reminding yourself it is just a sensation and doesn’t mean anything. It is completely natural.

The PROBLEM is where you let anxiety cause you to dredge up everything in your mind that supports the bad feelings… that just makes those feelings stronger.

While you are practising your breathing the other thing you need to do is work through your grief of loss. You aren’t upset because you lost the girl… you are upset because you lost the FANTASY you had of the life you would ave with the girl… you lost the image you had of the girl and what she was really like. Reality shattered all that for you.

Go ahead and let yourself feel the denial,, anger, regrets, depression. They are all natural. Don’t drown in them. Just let yourself feel it and write out your thoughts until you’re tired of it. Then move on with focusing on your FUTURE.

The key message: feelings are sensations; don’t strengthen them by dwelling on reasons you might be feeling them; don’t fight them; just experience them and focus on your future.

My first relationship was kind of the same. And I realised it was my insecureties that hurt me the most. He wasn’t the problem. I was. (and visa versa)

I have a quote from a love letter I wrote my previous boyfriend that might help:

Before I met you, I felt broken. I’m not saying you fixed me, but that you showed me that I wasn’t broken at all. And how much I’m worth. You keep me going. It’s not that you complete me, and I’d never want to make you feel that I couldn’t live without you, it’s that you showed me I already was complete.

I love my boyfriend to death, I have seriously found the love of my life. But if he would somehow go.. I wouldn’t lose a part of my self. Cause I am whole. and so are you!

I hope this helps a litte. :)

Well, I believed I was in love with this guy and he told me he loved me too. and then suddenly he decided that he doesnt love me anymore and I felt terrible. But it took me 8 months to get over it, cause i see him everyday, but guess what? I finally am. You cant just stay stuck on her. Oh and I forgot to tell you he told all my friends the reason he dumpedme was that I said i loved himt oo soon. I mean what the hell? he didnt have to say it back?!?and specially not THAT many times. What jerk. But anyway this is about you. All I can tell you is to just not let her think she was right to break up with you. Let her feel like you have moved on and she is missing out on somethign great. Really she isnt worth beating yourself up over. Just try to atleast seem like your fine with out her. And keep telling your self you’re better than her. Plus NEVER cry over someone like her. I hope this helped:) xx

ihateme wrote:
he told all my friends the reason he dumpedme was that I said i loved himt oo soon. I mean what the hell? he didnt have to say it back?!?and specially not THAT many times. What jerk.

No, he’s not a jerk. What happened is he felt too much pressure to commit before he was comfortable in your relationship. This is a typical difference between man and women. Labelling him as a jerk will only hurt you in the long run because you have chosen to deal with your unhappiness by objectifying him with an angry label rather than developing a broader understanding of human relationships.

linuxya wrote:

ihateme wrote:
he told all my friends the reason he dumpedme was that I said i loved himt oo soon. I mean what the hell? he didnt have to say it back?!?and specially not THAT many times. What jerk.

No, he’s not a jerk. What happened is he felt too much pressure to commit before he was comfortable in your relationship. This is a typical difference between man and women. Labelling him as a jerk will only hurt you in the long run because you have chosen to deal with your unhappiness by objectifying him with an angry label rather than developing a broader understanding of human relationships.

Well then why did he have to say He loved me back? and why did he say that he loved me so much that he couldnt ever say ilove you enough? and why the heck did he have to tell my bestfriends? not one of them 4 of them? and its not like i asked him to say i love you back, and plus i told him i love him and he dumped me 3 weeks later and 3 months later he starts telling everyone it was all my fault for saying i loved him too soon; you honestly dont think I am meant to be mad at him?

You are wasting your time deciding what is “right” and what is “wrong” and tgrying to justify your feelings.

You feel what you feel. Those are your feelings. Own them and deal with them. When you blame other people for your feelings you turn yourself into a passive victim. When you understand WHY people do what they do and you adapt yourself, then you are an active person and you will not feel depressed or anxious or angry.

The point is this: the way you deal with your feelings affects YOUR mood, YOUR ability to find meaningful relationships and maintain them.

Calling someone a jerk is just a way of ignoring your own lack of experience and understanding of male-female relationships.

Go read some books like “Men, women & relationships” or “Mars & venus on a date” or any number of other resources and you will see EXACTLY why what happened to you happened and why it happens to plenty of people… and how you can avoid it happening again by changing your own behaviour and not wondering passively if the right man is out there somewhere (hint: he isn’t… compatibility comes from coping skills)

tnanks for the replys. ive calmed down again seeming i havent seen her.