Love help: “She like me but she avoids me” - Help.com

“She like me but she avoids me”

Hi, I am in a weird situation which I thought someone could help me please.
I met this girl I would call “S”. S is visiting Toronto for about 3 months from Europe. S highly educated and is a professional person.
S has a boy friend in her home country. S loves her boy friend and has feelings for him but she is also not sure if he is the right person for her. She once found him cheating, so she says he is not a reliable person and he drinks a lot almost 4-5 times a week. So she is really not happy with her current situation but she loves him.

How I fit into this picture? I am also highly educated and professional person. I met her spontaneously. Since our first meeting about 3 weeks ago, it feels like we know each other for 5 years. We have almost everything in common and she acknowledges that. She also acknowldges that she does not have many common things with her boy friend. In last 3 weeks, I would say, we have spent on average about 30 hours per week spending time together and talking. And when we are together time just flies and we love spending time together. Long story short, She clearly told me that she is scared if we see each other too much she would get involve in me and that she is already having feelings for me. She also feels that she is going to loose someone in her life, but she does not tell me who? she is going back in 5 weeks. Since she fears she is going to get involve in me and she is developing feelings for me and that we have everything in common and we enjoy every second, she has started to avoid me a bit. We still see each other but she avoids me also. I have to be pushy to see her.

Both of us like each other very much, I am totally falling in love with her. But since she lives in another country and she has boyfriend (not sure if he is the right person), she is HESITANT to make any move. I know if I do not do anything I would loose her for ever and I am not going to meet such a person again. If I try to convince her to live in Canada, she avoids me more.

Please help me what should I do? I am totally stuck here.

This open post was written 3 weeks, 1 day ago | V/U/S: 172, 5, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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amir772 edited this post 3 weeks, 1 day ago. Read the previous text »

Hi, I am in a weird situation which I thought someone could help me please.
I met this girl I would call “S”. S is visiting Toronto for about 3 months from Europe. S highly educated and is a professional person.
S has a boy friend in her home country. S loves her boy friend and has feelings for him but she is also not sure if he is the right person for her. She once found him cheating, so she says he is not a reliable person and he drinks a lot almost 4-5 times a week. So she is really not happy with her current situation but she loves him.

How I fit into this picture? I am also highly educated and professional person. I met her spontaneously. Since our first meeting about 3 weeks ago, it feels like we know each other for 5 years. We have almost everything in common and she acknowledges that. She also acknowldges that she does not have many common things with her boy friend. In last 3 weeks, I would say, we have spent on average about 30 hours per week spending time together and talking. And when we are together time just flies and we love spending time together. Long story short, She clearly told me that she is scared if we see each other too much she would get involve in me and that she is already having feelings for me. She also feels that she is going to loose someone in her life, but she does not tell me who? she is going back in 5 weeks. Since she fears she is going to get involve in me and she is developing feelings for me and that we have everything in common and we enjoy every second, she has started to avoid me a bit. We still see each other but she avoids me also. I have to be pushy to see her.

Both of us like each other very much, I am totally falling in love with her. But since she lives in another country and she has boyfriend (not sure if he is the right person), she is HESITANT to make any move. I know if I do not do anything I would loose her for ever and I am not going to meet such a person again. If I try to convince her to live in Canada, she avoids me more.

Please help me what should I do? I am totally stuck here.

Anonymous #
3 weeks, 1 day ago (30 minutes after post)

She’s going home and doesn’t see any future with her relationship with you…. Back off and give her some space…. she’s been totally honest with you but doesn’t want to complicate things by getting involved. In short it’s never going to work so give up on the pipe dream

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X_GC_X offline Verified User (2 years) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Hexham, I7, GB | 3 weeks, 1 day ago (35 minutes after post)

Hmm, that is a big problem.

From what it sounds like, she is falling for you because she has been trapped in a very static relationship for a long time, and you’ve been the person to remind her of how it probably once was, and what she’s missing out on.

I realise you probably both feel like you are falling in love, but I think that you should just try and sort things out as friends for now. She obviously just needs someone to be close to, and its your responsibility now to show her that she can do that without being in a relationship. Hopefully you’ll be able to try and straighten out her life.

Hope this helps, even if its not what you might be wanting to hear.

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amir772 offline Verified User (3 weeks, 1 day) Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 1 day ago (1 hour, 10 minutes after post)

@ X_GC_X, Thanks for advice, yes she feels like she is trapped and she does not have courage to say anythting to her boy friend. She thinks if she break up with her she may never find another good person.

yes I am trying to be close as a friend and I remind her that I am her best friend in Canada, I show her that I am always there for her and I am there for her, I am trying everyday to sort out things in her life, such as her work life, how to deal with co-workers, assisting her in shopping, talking to her hours and hours when she is depressed. And more I help her, more we get involve and more she gets scared.

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myasichtche offline Verified User (1 week) Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 week ago (2 weeks, 1 day after post)

@ Amir772:

I’m in kinda same situation as you! Well, mine sounds a bit more complex then yours but it seems that the source of the problem is the same. I’m a Belgian guy and met a Mexican lady a few years ago in California U.S.A.
Until a year ago, we where very good friends but my holidays to Mexico changed our friendship into a love story (same feelings, interest, dialogues etc … as yours Amir772) Both of us, wouldn’t have ever imagined that something could have happen between us. In opposition to you, she broked up a few years before with her ex.! A longterm relationship that turned out to be something very painful for her. However, she maintained kinda “close relation” with her ex over the phone, knowing she only wanted to have a friend relationship. Clearly, he wasn’t good for her (on any aspects) but he decided to visit her and there started all my problems. Being a emotional & nostalgic lady & himself a great manipulator, he managed & succeeded to make from my beautiful love story & entire nightmare. Long story short, he convinced her with that great “blablabla” that he’s still in love with her, that he needs her etc … she tried to go back with him (also kinda family pressure) but she found out (finally) that he had kinda love affaire with one of her bestfriends (I know very complicated … sometimes I do not understand it at all myself). Anyway, this has been a great shock & brought her to cancel her flight to Belgium!
I decided to give ourself a break, time to think about us & our feelings. She came back to me, but she was unfortunately not the same lady as before. Very discreet & holding back her feelings (kinda distant). Out of our conversations you can concrelty see that she still have a crunch on me but obviously she’s trying to avoid me! Avoiding me, because she’s scared. Scared to suffer again (while I’m not her ex - boyfriend). I’m deeply in love with her and she knows that very well, because I repeat it every single time in all different ways possible (actions also). Strange enough, she’s hesitating (like S.) and seem to be in between a balance, which unables her to make a good decision (thinking, thinking & again thinking resulting in being confused). Unfortunately, very dark way of thinking! I know, she loves me (there’s no doubt about that) but her scareness brings her to say things that are not tangible and that she doesn’t really want to say/happen! Obviously, she’s fighting against her own feelings … and I’m struggeling to get her back and I don’t honestly know how this is going to end …
I apology, as I didn’t provide you with any help, as I don’t know either how to solve my similar problem! I just wanted to show you my support as I know it isn’t easy at all … but one thing I might suggest you is to follow your heart and do whatever is possible to make her see that she means a lot to you. I don’t know either if this will be a success (neither in my case) but at least you wont have any regrets in the future because you have tried and give everything you could for the woman you love.

Good luck

PS. Sorry for my English, I’m not a native speaker!

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