Love help: My current boyfriend and I have a lot of problems usually on my end. - Help.com

it sounds like you totally need to get away. maybe you could just go to a park for a day, bring a lunch and a good book and just hangout with yourself. to me it sounds like you 2 should break up, he’s not making you happy, and thats prob. why you guys fight so much. you want to leave him but at the same time you love him so your frustrated, by fighting its your way to get your frustrations out and almost proving your point that your not happy. its not fair to him that your fighting with him all the time. good luck with this. i hope this helps a little.

well as far as your boyfriend goes.. i dont think he needs to change at all… i mea you said yourself youre the one that treats him the way you do… i think its you that might need to think about changing.. i mean maybe when he gets angry its because hes got a lot going on in there.. when you get upset, he gets upset.. thats how you know he really cares… he wants to help you carry all that weight on your shoulders, and he wants to make you feel better and he desperately wants you to be happy but he probly gets angry because i doesnt know what to do to ease your pain… and when you get mad for getting mad when your mad, it only confuses him more.. chances are if you realize you treat him like hes less than what he is, i bet hes realized it too… someone that doesnt get treated the way they should cant be happy all the time.. hes probly tired of it and just wants to try to make you feel better.. but it does sound to me that your are depressed in some way.. i suggest a vacation for a bit…. maybe ask a close family member to lend you some money to get away for a week or two… but you say your man treats you so well, DONt throw that away because theres a small chance youll get it back..

Thanks slickster and crbeair, I know it’s something in me that’s wrong and not him. I never thought before that maybe he is reacting to the fact he knows I’m treating him like I’m disappointed in him.

He is very childish sometimes and I’m trying to move forward in my life, but I don’t want to feel like I’m having to drag him along with me. I don’t want to think he’ll change because people rarely do. I know I need to change how I look at him and feel about him but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s too immature. He wants to be a teacher but gets very agitated easily and he wants to act independantly but sometimes he’s moody.

I will ask if I can stay with someone perhaps as no-one has any money at the moment because of Christmas. But i definately need to get away before my birthday. I don’t want holidays making me feel like I have to act like everything’s ok.

I noticed one thing you mentioned..that you’ve only had one job for a short time since college. I can tell you from experience that not having a job and not making money for yourself can affect your confidence like crazy. I got laid off over five months ago from a job that I absolutely loved (minus some crazy coworkers), so I’ve been dealing with that. I have been applying just about everywhere to get myself back in the race. I also started back in college a couple months ago, something that’s really going to help me out in the long run. I think you need to do something for yourself like that, and you might start feeling better.

From what I can tell, I don’t think the problem lies in your boyfriend…in fact, I think that your boyfriend is good to stick by you when things are going like this. You said he’s the one you’ve wanted since you were a little girl…if you break up with him I don’t see how that’s going to solve anything. It is only going to add to your list of sorrows. I think you’d regret that move. It almost sounds like you’re blaming it all on him..like if he was out of your life everything would be easy. Have you really thought about that? :|

Thank you and you’re right kitt e, sometimes I do think if I didn’t have a boyfriend I might find it easier to get my head around my emotions, but it probably wouldn’t be like that at all.
I know he’s not the problem, sorry if it sounds that way. I just can’t stop my mind from critisising everything he does.
I think I haven’t really coped well with rejection in the past from other boyfriends. My last boyfriend and I were together 4 years and he left me saying he just didn’t love me and I never understood it.

I seem to have gotten worse the more I’ve gotten dumped, I get more and more paranoid and now I’m at the point where I’m so cynical I can only see this end in a break up, maybe not now but at some point he will get sick of me and leave.

I find it hard to let him love me and when he asks me why I love him I find it hard to reply. I don’t want to hurt him anymore and I feel like an awful example of a girlfriend.

As for the job, you might be onto something there, I am applying for jobs all the time and getting nowhere and currently I’m trying out a self employment thing which is really difficult but maybe if I get a side job it will make me feel more confident.

rafi.16 wrote:
look at my problem ….ull find urs very easy …im living a long distance relationship and im finding a way to adapt..all i wanna say is look at a tiny bright whole..ull see wide ways for security and passion..treat him as u like him to be..and he ll change sooner than u imagine

EXACTLY! I’m also in a relationship that turned long distance (because of job situations)…it takes A LOT of hard work, patience, trust, everything. I’ve been a roller coaster of emotions since he’s moved. Especially after we spent almost every day together while he was living up here.

blink_rule2 wrote:
Thank you and you’re right kitt e, sometimes I do think if I didn’t have a boyfriend I might find it easier to get my head around my emotions, but it probably wouldn’t be like that at all.
I know he’s not the problem, sorry if it sounds that way. I just can’t stop my mind from critisising everything he does.
I think I haven’t really coped well with rejection in the past from other boyfriends. My last boyfriend and I were together 4 years and he left me saying he just didn’t love me and I never understood it.

I seem to have gotten worse the more I’ve gotten dumped, I get more and more paranoid and now I’m at the point where I’m so cynical I can only see this end in a break up, maybe not now but at some point he will get sick of me and leave.

I find it hard to let him love me and when he asks me why I love him I find it hard to reply. I don’t want to hurt him anymore and I feel like an awful example of a girlfriend.

As for the job, you might be onto something there, I am applying for jobs all the time and getting nowhere and currently I’m trying out a self employment thing which is really difficult but maybe if I get a side job it will make me feel more confident.

Wow :( ..that’s how I sounded when I first got with my current boyfriend. I was so paranoid about him screwing up or leaving like the rest of them did. But he just kept sticking around and making things seem better. After awhile I realized there was no reason for him to “waste time” on me, so he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t wanna be. Just try hard to realize that he would’ve already left if he was planning on it. If you expect it to happen the entire time you guys are together, it’s going to ruin everything anyways, then it really will happen! :(

I think maybe you should just sit down with him and explain what you told us :) About how you’ve become cynical about everything and it’s making you unhappy… And you feel like an awful example of a girlfriend. You’re not at all, you’re just stressed about life and you need to open up to your boyfriend so he can reassure you and “be there” for you. I think talking and working through this TOGETHER will make all the difference in the world for both of you.

Oh, and about the job thing..check out Elance if you haven’t already. They offer tons of different types of jobs on their website and it seems to be pretty helpful.

kitt e wrote:

Wow :( ..that’s how I sounded when I first got with my current boyfriend. I was so paranoid about him screwing up or leaving like the rest of them did. But he just kept sticking around and making things seem better. After awhile I realized there was no reason for him to “waste time” on me, so he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t wanna be. Just try hard to realize that he would’ve already left if he was planning on it. If you expect it to happen the entire time you guys are together, it’s going to ruin everything anyways, then it really will happen! :(

I think maybe you should just sit down with him and explain what you told us :) About how you’ve become cynical about everything and it’s making you unhappy… And you feel like an awful example of a girlfriend. You’re not at all, you’re just stressed about life and you need to open up to your boyfriend so he can reassure you and “be there” for you. I think talking and working through this TOGETHER will make all the difference in the world for both of you.

Oh, and about the job thing..check out Elance if you haven’t already. They offer tons of different types of jobs on their website and it seems to be pretty helpful.

Thanks a lot. I find it hard to tell him stuff like this because I don’t want him to think it means I don’t want to be with him, but I will try and get him to help me through this difficult part of my life. I try not to assume the worst but I do it every time and I know I’ll just end up making myself miserable. I enjoy being with him and he has a lot of good qualities, I just always end up making myself disappointed and expecting more because I set my standards too high (but at the same time I think of myself too lowly, how contradictary).

I will do my best to work through this and have a break from everything and find things about him and my life that I’m not disappointed in and try to focus on improving the disappointing parts in a positive non-stressful way.

And I’ll keep on trying to work hard and find my break, because it has to be out there somewhere.

I’m glad :) Things will start looking up! Let us know how things are going if you can.