college help: I’m sick of being a pushover - Help.com

Tell her that, friendship aside, this is your last group project with her, because she doesn’t seem to be taking it as seriously as you do.

I’d have a word with the lecturer also, that way he will not place you with her again or he will speak to her himself.

Write her an email explaining what you want done and by when. Tell her that if it doesn’t happen you will talk to the lecturer.

I would talk to her and let her know that you are going to talk to the powers that be if she does not start pulling her weight. Sometimes they need the scare tactic to realize that they are doing wrong

It’s simple.

You are afraid of losing her friendship. You are placing your fear above what is more important: your self-respect and her accountability.

You are actually not doing her any favours. The more she glides through life expecting others to do things for her, the less confident she is and the more passive she will be. She will NEVER get a sense of her own abilities if she never does anything.

I strongly suspect that she is plagued with anxiety. When people become more and more passive, they get more and more anxious about doing anything until they become paralyzed and do virtually nothing. Their next steps are to depression and suicidal thoughts.

You are basically enabling her to avoid anxiety by avoiding work. This hurts her far more than it hurts you.

The thing to do is not to engage in judgment… about whether she is “doing her part”. If you want to help her, you must help her recognize the true barrier to her finding confidence is her avoidance of facing the anxiety she feels when thinking about projects.

People are “lazy” because they have trained themselves to avoid/distract themselves from performance anxiety.

i have the same at my uni, we have to do group reports. we have a system where each person in the group submits a confidential report on each group member stating how well and how much they contributed. you could always add a page into yours which lets the lecturer know exactly who contributed what.