marriage help: me and my fiance have been together for 4yrs and we got engaged last year. - Help.com

I married at 22 and now I wish I hadn’t. I understand where the boy is coming from, but I think marriage is serious enough that you should not be pressured into it if you are not yet comfortable with the idea.

i agree that its a huge thing to do, im very religious and dont want to do it if i dont think its the right thing. i love my fiance very much but as i said i dont know if hes the right guy. sometimes i think i want to marry him but then i think about it more and i start havin major doubts. i jus dont know what to do, hes going thru hell with his dads sickness, and i dont know how to tell him how i feel cos hes really happy about us getting married soon

Getting married when you’re not sure is a terrible idea. Don’t do it. It’s okay to feel sorry for him because his dad is ill but marrying him because of it is wrong. Marriage is a life long commitment & you must feel sure about it before you do it. You would be unfair to yourself, your fiance, his dad, all other family & friends, & any possible offspring by marrying him when you are not sure about it. Tell him you just can’t do it.

Exactly. I still say, do not marry if you are not ready for it!

You could always set aside a day just for the three of you (BF, Pops, and self) to spend some quality time together. I assume the father would be as happy with seeing his son, and seeing his son happy with his GF as he would with having to sit from some ceremony.

i guess ill jus have to come clean with him. thanks everyone for your help. im not sure how im gonna tell him, but i have to. thanks again for your advice

You’re welcome…anytime…that’s why we’re here :)

Best wishes!

Why the hell did you get engaged if you weren’t sure you wanted to marry him?

Here’s my bet:

1 - you say you are extremely religious — people who are extremely religious tend to be the kind of people who believe that things are either “right” or “wrong”. Knowing which is which allows that kind of person to be more relaxed. There is no ambiguity for them.

2 - an impending marriage AND the cancer AND moving the marriage ahead just introduces a lot of NEW stress into your life… stress you are not able to handle because you are not used to having to cope with a lot of stressful situations… because you prefer to know right & wrong and have a predictable life

3 - in fact I will bet that the reason you got engaged in the first place was it gave you a predictable life path so you knew where you were headed… again, this would fit into your need for calm, predictable rules and expectations in life

So all this comes down to your coping skills with life and has nothing to do with cancer or marriage. I’d strongly recommend you focus on those coping skills so you can limit the collateral damage to guys like your fiance.

linuxya wrote:
Why the hell did you get engaged if you weren’t sure you wanted to marry him?

You miss the point. She says she is not ready to marry YET! not that she does not want to marry him at all.

MortallyWounded wrote:

linuxya wrote:
Why the hell did you get engaged if you weren’t sure you wanted to marry him?

You miss the point. She says she is not ready to marry YET! not that she does not want to marry him at all.

Adults get engaged when they are READY to get married. An engagement is a PROMISE to marry (and was often subject to lawsuits if a guy broke it off in the past), including a ring as consideration, and in most cases with a set date. The engagement is a commitment.

Yet, a quote from her post:

“I’m too young to make this committment to him, im not sure if hes the man i want to marry”

The girl has serious problems with anxiety and insecurity. She got engaged for the wrong reasons (fantasy, probably, an illusion of a future security with a husband, a clear path in life).

Saying I “missed the point” is frankly laughable. And so, I laugh. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I had a friend in this situation, although without the fatherin law/cancer part…
Two weeks ago she called the whole thing off, as she just wasn’t sure. The date kept coming closer, the plans kept going further…
The further she left it, the more people got hurt.

BUT, when she called it off, she said she felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
By no means was it easy - people hate her for it. But I know that if one person isnt totally committed to making it work then it is better off for both parties in the long run if they dont get married.

Dont call it off, just make sure you are ready.
Good luck !