marriage help: I need advice on how to help my daughter. - Help.com



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I need advice on how to help my daughter.

She thinks her husband is unfaithful and I think she’s right. She found his cellphone calls to a “friend” that totaled almost 3 hrs. a day. It is almost impossible for me to remain neutral because I’ve seen her give 110 percent in this marriage. Today, she found out he’s visiting porn sites on his computer several times a day. He told her she is the one with the problem because the calls were just in “friendship” and that porn is “normal” for guys. They’ve had some tough financial times as have almost everyone that is self-employed. I am heartsick that he has turned to someone else instead of his wife for emotional support and whatever else that is unknown, even if sex is not involved, 3 hours of talk a day crosses the line, my daughter is devastated. I think she is totally depressed. She really and truly loves him but said today that she did not know who he was anymore. Someone please tell me how to help my daughter get through this. She asked him to leave and he told her she was the one unhappy and that she needed to “just get over it”. I really don’t think she can. All her trust is gone.

This open post was written 3 weeks, 3 days ago | V/U/S: 68, 4, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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marriage, Fidelity, trust (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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candp offline Verified User (3 years) Help.com Volunteer Moderator Long Term User Shouts: 146 #
Las Vegas, NV, US | 3 weeks, 3 days ago (53 minutes after post)

Tell your daughter to seek counseling for her feelings of betrayal and to determine if she will be able to stay in the marriage. As far as the husband goes, his attitude and lack of compassion toward her says it all. Tell her if she needs to talk we are all here for her also. Carol

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Anonymous #
3 weeks, 3 days ago (1 hour, 25 minutes after post)

Thank you for your reply. I have suggested to her to get counseling. I don’t think my son-in-law will do it. I think they need to go together. Yes, his attitude is worrisome to say the least. I do know that if I get involved and say anything, it will be a permanent family problem if they do reconcile, so I am doing my very best not to do that. I do know that if he were my son, I would spank him, no matter what his age (37). His behaviour is inexcusable. I will tell her about this site. Thanks again so very much. I believe there are also other things happening that she isn’t telling me. I am worried SICK about her.

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adamo offline Verified User (3 weeks, 5 days) Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 3 days ago (1 hour, 40 minutes after post)

Well, I disagree about the porn, I don’t think it’s necessarily abnormal. But the 3-hour phone conversation is definitely troublesome. The longer she waits to take action the more difficult it will be for her. She needs to set a clear boundary with him and be prepared to take action if he doesn’t take steps to do his fair share and work on the relationship.

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Anonymous #
3 weeks, 3 days ago (3 hours, 19 minutes after post)

Thank you for your adamo. I want so very much to give him the benefit of the doubt. I really and truly hope that they can work things out somehow. I just don’t see him having any remorse. The phone conversations went on for over 3 months. That’s as far back as she was able to get the records. He’d call his “friend” as soon as he was in his truck in the mornings and all throughout the day. Sometimes there were 8-10 calls in just one day mainly with him doing the calling. I understand why she’s so upset. The porn thing just didn’t help matters at all right now even if it’s not abnormal. Thanks again.

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