boyfriend help: my boyfriend is lying to me about buying and using cocaine… how should i react? - Help.com

Watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkmpTH…

You need to decide how important it is to you to know. If you trust that he knows his limits and won’t do anything to hurt the relationship, then let him have his coke stash. Otherwise, tell him that it’s not acceptable. But when you decide to make a stand or set a limit, be prepared to follow through. Otherwise he’ll just lose respect for you.

It’s really your decision how to react. Ask yourself how you feel about it. How did you feel about him lying to you? Do you want to know when he’s using and how much?

You said he kept it in your home, are you comfortable with that? Is that fair? Are dealers coming to your home as well?

When it involves your safety you have the right to know. Not to be paranoid freak, but you never know what could happen when you bring the industry into your home, and that happens with a connection to the trade.

In my opinion, if you are in a serious relationship (which you must be since you live together), you need to find out what is more important to him: you or the drugs.

I was in a relationship with someone and it turned out the drugs were more important. I’ve left and won’t tolerate any hard drugs used by anyone I have a relationship with.

But, do you consider his drug use a problem? Many people use pot recreationally and have no issues, but then again pot and coke are two different things.

Any relationship is built on trust and good communication. If he tells you he will outright lie to you then YES YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED. You obviously care about him a great deal and try to reiterate that.

It doesn’t sound like he uses frequently, but the fact that he’s hiding it from you may be a sign that he’s ashamed about it or feels like his freedom is being violated. I would just try and talk with him and ask him to be open with you about it.

Then you need to explain it to him this way. The issue isn’t the drugs, it’s keeping each other informed and not hiding things. If he continues to hide, you have to think seriously about what this means for your relationship. But don’t make empty threats if you can’t follow through on them.

Things that are highly addictive are scary to deal with. I would just make sure he IS being honest to you, and not just doing a better job of hiding it now.

Just what I was going to say. The key isn’t that he flushed the coke this time, because you said that the drugs weren’t the problem. You can’t know it ended well until he buys coke next time and tells you about it right away!

guitarbemis wrote:
I do not consider his drug use a problem.. he is very very good at limiting himself and he has great self control…

yet hes lying to you about using and buying?
that ma’am, is a problem.
tell him you know, and get out of the relationship till hes completely clean, or he will take you down with him.