9 times out of 10 when my partner has too much to drink he gets very moody and takes it out on me, not physical but verbal! - Help.com

Try to get him to cut down / stop drinking.
Talk to him when he is sobre, tell him how you feel.

How often does he drink?

the thing is when people drink and start saying a loada stuff it is what they are really thinkning but wont say

He drinks almost everynight, but when he is sober he is lovely, he just needs to be tipsy to be horrible!

I just dont know what to do, do I leave him, if I do, my heart will be broken, or how do I help him :(

There is someone that will treat you like you need to be treated ALL the time!!!

secretly bring out a video camera next time he’s drunk and make him watch it the next day

i will try that Steff, thanks, just thinking about doing that scares me, but I think I will have too!

In all honesty, if he drinks every night, he is an alcoholic, not who you wish him to be. Are you ready to waste your life on an alcoholic that has a priority list in life where lots of other things come before you? Always be honest with yourself. He drinks every night and when he does he abuses you. Do you feel this is what you deserve in life? Carol

Do I sleep in the spare room, or do I go to my bed?

Do I hide and leave no trace of tears when I leave the room?

What do I do when i leave the room and he confronts me?

I know Carol, but I want to try and help him first he has a good heart when sober! I know to help myself I need to leave him, but doing so will break my heart!

Sorry about that, I am using my brothers e-mail address, I am trying to prevent him finding out I used this site

If you must take on the task of trying to help him without him asking you to, then be prepared for an awful lot of resistance. In other words, it is likely the abuse will escalate. If you truly want to help him, help him find the power within himself to change who he has placed in charge of his life and experiences, an alcoholic. Ask him if he might want someone more capable to making all of his decisions for him?
Carol

Thanks Carol, do I do that now, or wait till he is sober?

How long have you been with him?
Has he always been a heavy drinker or has something happened recently to make him this way?
It is not easy to be in love with an alcoholic, ive been there, it screws you up as well, he will drag you down with him.

No time like the present. If he resists you help you would be very foolish to try and shove it down his throat. Carol

Thanks Carol! I am petrified, I hate confrontation, my family is on holiday overseas,I am alone and all I want is to be with my Mother for some family support! I thought he went to bed, so I walked in the living room and saw him lying on the sofa with a glass of wine nicely rested on his chest, I got so scared! I cant go on like this anymore, I fear someone I love!

I need a vacation

So take it, and while you are at it, make it permanent. You do not need this in your life. You deserve better. You have the power to make it better. DO IT, and don’t look back. Go take another look at him on that couch. Does he look to you like he gives a rats’ *** what you are thinking or feeling right now? Carol

I know you are right Carol!

I am going to give this man an ultimatem in the morning, me or the wine.

Carol, I am so anxious, so anxious, I cant stop crying, even though I know I need to take control! I have never been in a situation like this! I am petrified to the bone!

Thank goodness I am a moderator here so I unblocked your reply. I understand where you are coming from. What part is making you so anxious? Do you feel you are in danger physically? Carol

:) Its making me anxious that I might be spending my life with an aggressive person, i dont need to be insulted when he has a bad day and gets drunk. I am not in physical danger, he has just gone to bed, thank God! I need to toughen up and be braver!

OR, you need to make sure you never bring a potential abuser into your life again. Do your parents drink?

yeah, it’s really time to get out

I hear you Steff, and Carol no, my parents dont drink, neither do I, but my boyfriends dad was a very aggressive drunk :( So I think that he is desgined this way for life!

I have made up my mind, I have spoken to my girlfriend, and I am going to stay with her tomorrow for a few days, I am going to have to say, sort your life out, or I am leaving!

I am relieved to hear you are going to separate yourself from his mess. This shows you see yourself as worthy of something better. If you can take a look at what about him drew you to him and balance that against his alcoholic abuse toward you, you can come away with a valuable life lesson for yourself. If later, you find yourself in another abusive relationship, you will have to get a lot more serious in your search for answers from you. Hopefully, this was a one time is enough for me experience.

Thanks Carol, I know when morning comes this will be frightening for me, but I have made my mind up and will always follow that. I have never been in such an abusive relationship before! But i deserve happiness, I put food on the table every night, and I dont need this, I would love to have a man you can show some affection and leave the alchol out!! Thanks for your wise words tonight, i have really appreciated them!

x

You are quite welcome, and please keep us posted on your progress. Carol