I seriously don’t know what to do anymore, Please help.

Edjennings90

I seriously don’t know what to do anymore, Please help.

This might be one of your teen “OMG life sucks!” type of thing, but it doesn’t involve hormones or being a teen, it involves me ******* up big time. I really need help or I seriously have no “bright” future ahead of me.

Ok, I’m going to try to make it short, here’s what happened. Around 8th grade I became extremely popular and was considered very attractive. I ended up ditching all my real friends to hang out with kids that I thought were “cool”. The worst thing that happened was I failed every single class and was kicked out of most of my classes. I just became really bad just because it made other people laugh. I didn’t care about the teachers, my education, or anything that that had to do with hard work. Eventually the school year ended and I had 0.0 GPA. They still moved me into high school and I continued my ****** up schedule there too. I ended up getting into drugs and getting locked up. Typical high school dropout I guess you could say.

The thing is, I want to change, I’m 17 and I don’t want the rest of my life to be ****** up. I want live a normal life but I think I screwed up too badly. a 0.0 gpa for 3-4 years……

Now what I didn’t even care to think about while I was making everyone laugh is that they were actually learning while I was just making an idiot out of myself. I spent about 3 years not learning a single ******* thing just to entertain and make everyone laugh, I don’t know it just felt really good to me. I felt like I had friends, when in reality I just knew a lot of people that didn’t care. I always followed the crowd and never knew where I was going. Now I’m so completely lost that at I times I get really suicidal. (I’m going to see a phsycologist this friday).

I know that the smart thing would be to go back to school. I’m in a charter school but I think a public school would be better for me if I could get my act together. However, if I went back to school I would be grades behind and that embarassment alone is what holds me back. I don’t know how to face it and I don’t know if I can. Now I’m afraid to be around my peers because they’re so far ahead of me that I’m afraid of being made fun of. I know in fact that they would make fun of me.

Not only is my education the thing I’m worried about, but my looks also. Before when I didn’t care about my education I felt that I had my looks that gave me confidence. Now from all this stress on education, my looks have gone to **** and I feel like have nothing. I don’t even want to leave my house because I’m afraid of running into any of my peers and having them see how bad I’ve gotten. Maybe I’ve always been this way and I just haven’t seen it.

I’m so lost I don’t know what to do. In this charter school you’re not really around people so that alone made me realize how bad I ****** up and realized that it’s not all about making people laugh at whatever the costs.

I’ve finished about 1-2 years of school in this charter school but feel like I’m not getting the same education as my friends. Maybe I’m just stupid. I mean I do some work that I feel proud of and then I see what my friends are doing and I just feel like ****. All of them are using words that I’ve never even heard of and writing pages of work that sounds so professional and all that.

I constantly feel like giving up because I know that there’s no way that I could catch up. Say I spend years getting to were they are now… they’ll be however many years I spent trying to catch up ahead. everyone around me is smarter, happier, getting jobs and experiencing things that I can’t. It hurts so bad.

I know alot of you are probably thinking, “Welp, you have to face the consequences of your actions”…. and it’s true. But I don’t want the rest of my life to be ****** up because of my stupid mistakes.

All I do is stay in my bedroom because I’m afraid of the real world now… I don’t know what to do, I’m so lost…

This open post was written 3 weeks, 3 days ago | V/U/S: 123, 5, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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parispin 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 3 days ago (7 minutes after post)

okay well the first thing to do is to emit to your self that you have ****** up your life. then think is school for you you could go on to become a guy like donald trump or see if you can get an aprentice ship somewhere but if school if your thing dont care what people think coz deep down they will be thinking he is brave. with your looks its not what u have got but how you use it

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littlenick 126 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 weeks, 3 days ago (13 minutes after post)

17? You’re still way too young to be thinking that you don’t have a future or that you cannot improve your life.

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M.y.a 141 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 weeks, 3 days ago (21 minutes after post)

hey, edjennings90! you think you are ***** up?

i’m 32 and still not finished any education.. when i was in high school i ***** up because i wanted to make my mother angry. then when i wanted to study later, my husband would not allow me as he was this controlling freak. after i left him and finally got to uni, i met a guy in uni who would not stop harassing me until i had to leave it 2 months before graduation!

you are still young, have no other commitments, if you start taking studying seriously you can still make it! good luck with it

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fsjsdkfd #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 3 days ago (29 minutes after post)

Your thoughts about who you are aren’t really who you are. What you feel is fear. False evidence appearing real. You are afraid of what people think of you, and that is what is holding you back. Other people don’t define you. You do. You care what people think of you, but people are only thinking about themselves. You aren’t a failure. You are defining yourself by your past. You are not your past. You are as important as any other human being on the planet, and like all of us, you won’t last forever. So make a difference. Leave behind something that will last. The only way you are ever going to do this is if you believe in yourself. I believe in you.

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Grateful 1 #
Virginia Beach, VA, US | 3 weeks, 3 days ago (49 minutes after post)

Wow, sounds like something I typed up years ago, just before I dropped out. I too got caught up in drugs, locked up and eventually fell out of society. The funny thing is, I didn’t want to change that until I was 20, living off the back of an old motorcycle with a pregnant girlfriend.

You’re on the right track. You want things to get better and they will. At 19 years old, I was locked up (in the type of place that I still have nightmares about) as a high school dropout with no education, no work experience, no home when I got out, no money and frankly no future. Now (13 years later), I’m a father of two beautiful girls and a wonderful wife living in a quiet suburban home and a very healthy income. It’s amazing how things can change.

Go forward with the help from the shrink. Stay in school (to date, that’s my biggest regret). Don’t be in a rush to get your future laid out, just take your time and let go of your pride and you’ll be fine.

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