Love help: I’m not who I used to be.

maddie.moo

I’m not who I used to be.

I mean, I try to be normal in front of my friends so I don’t burden them with worry about me, but I’m not happy anymore.
It’s a very long story, so I will try to make it short, but basically I really liked this guy. He was obsessed with me too, never stopped talking about me with his friends and my friends… we were very close to being in a relationship, when all of a sudden, he changed. He wasn’t himself, never got excited about anything, mostly one word answers… that’s when I started to worry. Was it me? Did he change his mind? Then I got my answer a week and a half ago. He told me through a text, saying “I’m not feeling right and I can’t be with you and I don’t want to hurt you :-(” in the midst of balling my eyes out for the next two nights, for a minute I somewhat laughed because when I read the “I don’t want to hurt you” it was already way too late. He may be depressed, I’m not sure, but I know that he didn’t do this because he doesn’t like me, he did it because he’s not himself, and it’s hard to be in a relationship when you aren’t even the person that your partner liked in the beginning. But it’s so hard, I havn’t been myself since then at all. Not many of my friends know how severely I’m hurting, because I’m good at covering that kind of thing up, to protect them. My best friend is going through tough times of her own, so she doesn’t have to have me bring her down even further. But I just can’t find reasons to be happy anymore, I don’t feel anything about anything and I hate it. The freaky part is that that’s what this guy said before he broke it up between us two. I even found myself just kneeling on the bathroom floor the other night, for no reason. I was like wtf am I doing?! I think one of the worst parts is that I’m no where near ready to move on, and it doesn’t help much that he still likes me, and I still like him, and all my closest friends want to rip his throat out for this because they saw how head over heels I was for him, but whenever I talk to my friends about it and they are dissing him and such and I find myself defending him.. saying it wasn’t his fault.
And then there’s the other possibility: was it his fault? Maybe this was his way of letting me go if he decided he didn’t like me anymore, or maybe he really was just trying to protect me from getting hurt by him being different and distant. But really, either way I would have been hurt.
As you can see, I think about it. A lot. I have some skills with not thinking about things so I don’t hurt but this time it’s really hard. I find myself doing random things I wouldn’t normally do just to get my mind off of it.
And the weird part; my stupid mind still thinks this is reversible.

This open post was written 3 weeks, 2 days ago | V/U/S: 109, 4, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post maddie.moo may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. maddie.moo is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 1 month and has 2 posts and 15 replies to their name.

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candp 111 #
Las Vegas, NV, US | 3 weeks, 2 days ago (9 minutes after post)

Hi, I am going to take a leap and assume you are a teen. If you are, and he is, perhaps it would help you if you understand that when we go through our teens, we are physically, mentally, and emotionally changing by the second. One minute we think we like someone, the next minute we are scared because we begin to think we are not good enough for them and they might find that out if we stick around. This scenario plays out more frequently then guy meets girl, they fall madly in love, marry, and are forever happy together. Why? Because when we are in our teens we really aren’t life savvy enough to make real good decisions for ourselves yet. That is all of us, we just don’t realize it. In years to come you probably won’t even remember his name.

If you are not a teen, let me know. Carol

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adamo 2 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 2 days ago (42 minutes after post)

My hunch is that it IS reversible. It sounds like he’s going through a hard time and he didn’t feel “up to” carrying on a relationship with you. But what it’s gonna take is for one of you to have the courage to admit that you both still have feelings for each other and YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Tell him that you think about him and you want to help, and you can just hang, no pressure. Make sure he understands that you don’t want to complicate his life, you just want to see if you can enjoy each other’s company and help each other enjoy life. He might just need a little kick in the *** to realize that being alone is stupid!

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maddie.moo 1 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks ago (1 day, 21 hours after post)

Yes, I’m 15.

Thanks Adamo, I’ll see what I can do :)

jO xx 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 days, 19 hours ago (2 weeks, 5 days after post)

I’m so sorry that you are feeling badly.
I know what it’s like to be 15, and bawling my eyes out over a guy…
I know exactly how you feel, babe. Right down to the “really can’t be interested in anything anymore” stuff. But trust me, time does make everything better. Bit by bit. You probably won’t believe me right now, because everything must feel so hopeless, but here’s what you have to do.
(1) Move on with your own life. Because even though this guy must have meant so much to you, it’s still YOUR life, and no one has the right to make it less enjoyable. Do things that make you happy. Even if it’s hard right now, do them anyway. Pretend you are happy, not for anyone else.. but for yourself. Then one day, (it really does happen), you’ll wake up, and find that you don’t have to pretend anymore.
(2) In the meantime, you are probably mildly depressed, so try talking to someone that you know you can tell anything to. A friend, a parent, or even a journal! Just get everything out, and once it’s on paper, or once you’ve said it to someone else, move on. It’s in the past now, and it’s out of your system.
(3) Get a little angry. Don’t make it an obsession or anything, but have a go at a few angry break-up songs, and remind yourself that this has nothing to do with you, and it’s HIS LOSS!! He obviously missed out on a great girlfriend, and now HE has to live with that, NOT you. Try using sports or hobbies as an outlet, and focus on concentrating on how brilliant you are at the things that make you happy.
(4) Don’t wait around for him. I know you are probably not interested in ANYTHING or ANYONE at the moment, but try in little bits, until you find yourself to be healed. This guy held a lot of promise for you, but hon, there WILL be others, and they WILL be better. This is about YOU, not him. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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I’m not who I used to be.

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