Hi,are you diagnosed as a manic depressive?
Cheer up because trust me, you are not alone. I’m 19 years old, not in college, I work one day a week; if I’m luck 2, have to manage to make $600 a month to pay my rent, utilities, and car insurance, I don’t have a girlfriend, my car just died on me and it is being repossessed because I can’t afford the bills, I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I can hardly afford basic necessities. I have contemplated suicide many times, but in the long wrong it just doesn’t seem worth it. You’d end up hurting more people for your own selfishness. You just have to be strong and just think, things may seem bad now, but they could always be worse. I know people use that line all of the time, but it’s true. Also, things have to get worse in order for them to get better.
I hope I have helped some, I mainly just wanted you to know that you are not alone and if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here. We may not know each other but I’m a good listener and I know that it is nice to have someone to relate to. Sometimes that is all someone ever really needs…at least in my opinion.
thanks amilessly, and to agaperoot, yes i was dignosied when i was 15 with amnic depression and mild bipolar disorder, but honestly i never believed them, i mean how can they tell me what i am?….but recently i have noticed my self worth dying day by day and i dont have any motovation, nothing for me to work towards.
You’re still young, there is plenty for you to work towards. I bet you mean the world to someone. Just think back before your depression, what was it that you wanted to do? It may seem like you don’t want to do that anymore because of depression, but somewhere, deep down inside of yourself, you probably still do.
I am so sorry that your feeling so low and finding everything so hopeless:( I do understand some of it because I have major depression and you really can’t choose to just be happy because it is such a powerful chemical change in the brain, sometimes it is hard to want to go on and try. I struggle against that too, but not with the bipolar end of it. I would not worry right now about pleasing other people doing the stuff that they think you should be doing, you really need to take care of yourself. Don’t worry about a guy or a job, when life is better those things will be there for you. Don’t beat your self up, your valued and loved and someone who has unique perspective in life because of what you deal with. Hopefully one day you will be able to help someone like yourself to understand it and come through it.
btm000_ edited this post 1 month ago. Read the previous text »
Well quite frankly im 18 years old and at a stump in my life i cant get hired, No love intrests, and suffering from manic depression. i have no motovation to do anything, i see myself as useless owrthless and etc, i have no self esteem and i have started really debating suicide. i dont know what to do or how to change my life. and at this point i see absolutely o light at the end of this tunnel.
Honestly aimlessly there wasnt anything ive wanted to do, ive never decided.
I am seeing a clearer picture now of what you are dealing with. Your trigger was that sudden loss of the relationship and now it is getting out of control, because your your whole body out of balance now. Not sleeping for days is horrible! You need to be able to rest and restore your self, eat good food and relax somehow. I wonder what your parents are thinking trying to kick you out when you need them right now to help you get back in balance. Everyone is having a hard time finding work, my husband just spent the last 9 months searching for a job, which he finally got. You are not a looser and just because this relationship did not work out doesn’t mean you will never be happy. You are to young to feel like that your life is over because this person left you. You will find a love again and restore your soul from all this hurt your dealing with. I am glad to hear that you have faith in God and are going to continue to value yourself at least because of that enough to not hurt yourself.
I think if it is possible you should try to go into see someone and talk it through with them, you might need some help to get back on tract and that’s OK to do. You have to make yourself the captain of your own boat and take care of yourself :)
im not sure how to respond agaperoot other then i dont really believe that was the trigger….ive always been unable to sleep well, and as for my parents i cant blame them really, im 18 years old no job no money and nothing that i have to contribute to the family, but i just wish they would understand its not like im doing it intentionally, i am out every **** day looking for work, anywork. and as for counciling, been there done that. and frankly i think its a waste of time and money. as for my faith in god, yes i use to have faith in god, but as of right now i question if he does exist at times, but being raised as a southern christian i would be shunned to even say somthing like that even to myself. i have hurt myself beofre, ive used cutting as a means of an outlet, but that was years ago, i ended up focusing all of that energy in writing and playing guitar but steadyily it became not enough for the overwhelming probloms that are staring me in the face. as for feeling like my life was over when she left…..well im not sure on that one either way. all i can say is i went throught a series of emotions in ranges ive never been too. But i’ve accepted what happened between us and am slowly moving on. but im dragging my feet. i just refuse to believe that the 6 years of friendship and the nearly 3 of dating meant nothing and was able to be torn apart in day…and thats still not the worst part..about a week after it all went down she called me…telling me things that she loved me and missed me and etc. and i fell for it like a moron. long story short i got hurt again and again because i had put all of my faith into god that he would see us theough this rocky road. but no. its currently been 6 months since we’ve split up and the pain is still as pain ful las it was the day we parted.
Sorry if I didn’t get what your trying to say. So you have always had a problem sleeping, OK, but it would be nice if you could get some more rest at least.
Your parents are not bad, I just don’t want you to have to worry about being kicked out on top of your other stuff. So the main deal is not being able to get the job going and having that situation you mentioned about going back with her and then splitting up again. Yea that is hard to go through, it sounds like your doing better now. It sounds like your angry with God too because you placed your trust in that situation believing it to work out for you, am I off base?
not really off base, i am angry with god. but i am also angry at myself for being put in the situation i am in, and not having a hand in it. and its not just one job im going after, its any job. ive filled out many applications at many places. no luck so far. as for my parents not at all are they bad. this coming from the mature side of me, as for the reblious teenage side. its like oh they hate me blah blah blah n all that drama, but i kno its not and nor do i believe it is. they are my parents and i love them and know that they have my best intrests at heart. still i just wish they could understand todays world is completely diffirent then when they were my age. and instead of lecture and threaten me with being kicked out and help me. as for the situation with the girl we never went back out she just led me to believe that we were going to work through it and the next thing i knew she told me about the other guy after telling me how much she loved me missed me and all that stuff…but yes im slowly getting over her
You sound like a very mature 18 year old, more like a man a less like teenager. Well it is not unheard of to be angry at God, we are only human and can not see why He does something that hurt at the time. I just know personally that all the hardest stuff that I have gone through helped me to be someone stronger and I understand it better as I get older, and not weak. Read that verse in 2 Corth. 12:9 it says it best.
i apperciate it, and really im just unable to see myself as somthing positive even in the eyes of god. i feel as if im cursed just from the life ive lived and am still living. ive had to fight to be where i am, even as crappy as where i am at is. Do i think its made me stronger? i cant say all i know is i survived it because the lord saw fit for me too. and i hope he sees fit for me to make it through this peroid in my adult life. i pray often and hope to be heared soon. and ill have to look that verse up
I understand it is really tough to be where you are, I think for sure that God gives each person the lessons they need to learn while we are here. Following Him is one of the hardest things to do, because while we live in this world, we are destined to face difficulties. You have to have guts to live by your convections, this world is passing away and will not embrace you because you are not part of the ways of the world. That means life is not easier, but it is possible with hope and a future in Him to have a purpose greater than yourself to live for. That is where the true freedom lies, not in man but in between the breaths we take where God affects us to our real calling in life :)
i understand that i just wish he would atleast give me a hint as to which direction i should take off running in. because as of now i am running in a countinous circle of self doubt and self loathing. and i am afraid to “take charge” so to speak, afraid of failing, and sick of being so paranoid of doing so.
I have not always know where I was going myself, and it seems like when I finally really trusted Him and gave in that everything opened up for me for the last five years. But like right now, I have been going through hell too, I have had so many things going wrong at the same time I was starting get angry too. I have some perspective now and I am trying to just trust that whatever God has for me to do next, that I am going to not worry about it for now. I think I have gotten away from Him to and need to spend more time trying to be closer to him. I quit going to church and that was huge for me, but right now I am not ready to go anywhere, I had a bad situation with it and need a break.
Hey BTM I hope that you will come back on here again and chat. I didn’t see that it was already 1:30AM YIKES. I am going to bed, I hope that this helped you a little :)
Good night, and yes i guess it did. and i have not attended chruch since i was 8 or 9.
Well I have read all of these posts and I want to let you know that I sympathize with your situation greatly. I am 18 years old myself, and though I may not be in entirely the same situation, I have just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have both manic and depressive episodes, that are triggered by all the stresses that have occurred in the past 2 years. I have neve been suicidal though.
I have been through physical and emotional abuse at 16 by an ex boyfriend who I thought I loved, I have been left by guys many times, i’m very hypersexual, my parents blamed me for my poor relationships, they refuse to accept the fact that I am bisexual, i quit athletics after my coach called me fat and tried to kick me off the varsity team (I was probably 130 lbs at the time and 5′ 6″) I just dropped out of college after realizing that I was still too burnt out and depressed from high school. (I was one of those AP students and graduated with a 4.2 GPA) My senior year of high school, I could barely get of bed, let alone complete my homework. I have difficulty sleeping, there are nights where I will go without sleep or only 2 or 3 hours for weeks on end. Or i’ll be the entire opposite and do nothing but sleep. I have been kicked out of the house for short periods of time, though I am back living at home now. My current boyfriend is in jail, I have debt from school to pay off. I have no car after a drunk driver hit me and totalled it. I turned to being a dancer at a strip club for a source of employment, and just quit in an attempt to mend fences with my family. I have very few friends, and lost friends after quitting track and cross country. I have many times thought that I had no purpose and didn’t know where to go. I am a christian, though I feel like God has abandoned me many times. Especially during my abuse period. I cried myself to sleep for months, if i slept at all. I walked through the halls of school like a zombie with my ipod cranked up.
So all in all I think I have an idea of where you are coming from and I want to let you know you are not alone in this. Things will turn up for you, they are for me. I have a plan of action for a vehicle, my boyfriend should get out on Dec. 1st, my family and I are getting along better, I am hopefully going to find work soon, and I have some money saved up from dancing to pay off some of my debt. I don’t wish to be on medication though it has been prescribed for me. Working out everyday, riding horses, drawing, and singing is my therapy. And I am going to continue to use these tools and watch for any more episodes. Is there anything that you are very passionate about? If you would like, or have any questions I am happy to help :]
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