Love help: So I’m short, fat, ugly, broke (don’t have any interest - Help.com

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stop feeling so friggin sorry for yourself for one!

ok youve had a bum deal, its not always going to be like that tho
the more you tell yourself your a loser
the more things will go wrong in your life!

also not all ladies are gold diggers!
some actually love you for being you*not whats in your wallet*

so youve tried dating sites?
what other ways have you tried finding a partner?

why cant you get a job?

I’ve joined groups, been set up on blind dates, been out with old girlfriends, trolled the bars, and am a full time student at a major university (unfortunately I’m way older than the majority of the students there and can’t seem to get the time of day from a lady selling watches.)

After my divorce, which came about when I learned secondhand that my ex-wife had aborted my child while I was on a sales trip, I just don’t have what it takes to sell door to door. Went on to drive a truck until I up and lost my license. I have no real education or skills in demand, but am finally in university a good decade after I should have gone. I live in a state with an astronomic jobless rate and a local economy still based on manufacturing, more businesses close than there are jobs to fill and I find myself in competition with throngs of more qualified, more educated workers with licenses and reliable transportation. It isn’t that I don’t work or look for stable employment, its just that all I seem to get is temp work which rarely lasts more than a couple of days at a stretch.

crikey you make yourself sound ancient!

how old are you?
maybe she was already married ?

im sorry to hear about that, you must of been gutted to say the least :/

why did you lose your licence?
well its better late than never&from where im sat you certainly sound like your doing your best

i think everystate is like that now, its a cut throat buisness wherever you turn *sadly*

also isnt temporary work better than nothing at all?

what sort of job you after?

Right now I’d take any job doing anything. I’m happy (if that’s the right word) to get the temp work, but it interferes with school and I get most of my income from selling plasma right now. If I could pick any job immediately, I’d go to work managing or designing voice and data networks. I hold several certifications and have taught the coursework for CISCO Discovery. Unfortunately a CCNA isn’t worth what it used to be and I don’t really enjoy it. After finishing at the university the goal would be to design and implement systems of information seeking or to research information seeking and use in a practical business or educational context. Its a kind of heady field, but there’s a lot of potential in how people gather and use information.

I’m not as ancient as I appear. I married young, divorced young, and am just very old for my age. I’m rapidly headed toward 30, am no further along in life than when I was 17, and am already weary.

why have you chose that
whats so appealing about voice&data networks?

you sound extremely intelligent!

yes, i suppose there is
are you nosey or just inquisitive ;)

well your only a pup
im 103&still going strong ;)

dont give in hun, have faith
it always pays of in the end&i know it may sound cliche
but be thankful for small mercys x

I went into voice and data because I understood how it worked before even beginning my education for it. I’ve been building computer networks since the 5th grade and have just always kept myself current on the technology, phones just came pretty easily.

I suppose it must be roughly equal parts nosy and inquisitive. I was never really a good student in high school, wrestling and football carried me through without much effort, but now that I’m more weathered it seems that school may be the only thing I have a real passion for anymore. I’ve already decided that if I can’t find work after college, or the work I find affords me the time to continue, I’ll pursue a masters focused on heuristic processes, the how and why of personal decision making.

Unfortunately, knowing that I’m expected to live for decades upon decades further is little consolation. I can’t remember the last time I was genuinely happy (not just happy that something pleasant recently happened) and have come to resent other people for their happiness. I’m not even really sure what happiness anymore, but I have a clear conception of what loneliness is. I don’t like it, I don’t like my odds of overcoming it, and I don’t like being part of a culture where annual income, net worth, and height are the most dominant metrics in partner selection.

i think all you men are same, boys&their toys
my hubby likes playing around too

i havnt a scooby when it comes to anything like that lol!
you just have to accept whatever comes out of my brain at the time :D

i would love to be a csi, now wouldnt that be something
also im just nosy ;)

wrestling&footy…both sports i hate lol!
each to their own i guess

more weathered?
ok that just hurt my brain reading it lol!*heiristic* mmmm

now thats sad,you really cant remember the last time you was happy?
im sorry bby :/

yep, i can understand that, its something you crave
why should others have it&you dont :/

is that what you think?
income, net worth&height all play major rolls in partnerships, thats even sadder

you really dont have an high opinion of woen do you

is that because of your wife

also you didnt answer why you lost your licence?

do you have any pets?

Confidence to me mixed with a nice personality is the most attractive thing in the world!!
The way you look, the size you are and the money issues are all variables, meaning they can fluctuate at ANY time.
I would rather date/love someone who likes who they are and is not taken up with what other people think.

You need to change the view you have of yourself and also realize that life is about liveing and not just about finding someone to be with.

Your intelligent, that is one thing going for you, it is something appart of who you are that will not change and it is also something that not everyone has.
so try and list yourself in another way where instead you pick out the things you do like.

Unfortunately, my knowledge of partner selection metrics doesn’t spring from some internal source, but rather from psychology journals. To be fair, the dominant metrics for men selecting women are similarly shallow. Also, it isn’t women that I have a low opinion of, its the culture. Granted I do have a low opinion of my ex-wife, but if I began to think that all women were the same as her I’d likely be here casting aspersions instead of seeking advice, (which I’m not really sure what inspired me to reach out this morning, but meh.)

I lost my license because of an OWI, which put me on the repeat traffic offenders list. 3 year revocation which will be over in december, at which point the suspension from the OWI will start.

I haven’t had any pets since the late 90s.

Lazydaze, I know my financial situation will change for the better at some point, it has happened several times in the past. The pattern is that when I have money, and even more when I have a consistent flow of money, that there are women in my life. When the money dries up and I can’t spend what I once did, they move on to wealthier pastures. It isn’t universal. I was dirt poor when I married my ex-wife and made fantastic commission when we divorced.

There have been other exceptions that just haven’t been practical due to distance, injury, or vices. I still keep in touch with several of them and we get along well enough, there just isn’t any real spark anymore. Those are the ones that I look to when I start doubting women in general.

So what kind of women do you go after? I mean the dating sites usually are filled with women who want a genuine relationship…good start. How many have you had a connection with in the last year? At least 5?

It really doesn’t matter how short/fat/ugly/naked/crazy/old/fake/white/gray/open/smart/rich/dumb….etc you are. haha. There is genuinely someone out there who will accept you for who you are…the problem MOST people run into is that they don’t know who the hell THEY really are! Or if they do, they don’t accept it.

Do you bend over backwards to make a women happy…do you change yourself to please other people?

You can’t remember when you were last happy? Were you happy when you first got married? Were you happy when you were 17?

See if you base your happiness in other people, it’s going to be an endless struggle, because you can’t control other people. You need to be able to be happy on your own and in general, because you have control over yourself and your thoughts (believe it or not). Start conditioning those inner conversations…the ones you have all day long that repeat over and over with negative things like: this is horrible, I hate this, I’m not happy, what did I do wrong, why, if only….etc…Start making those thoughts positive. You can do it. It’s okay to feel the way you do, come to terms with it…that’s step 1. Step 2 is to work on some of the major things you don’t like about yourself, and step 3 is to then start looking for another chica;)

perhaps it could work?

Red, you’re probably right. It’s likely that I don’t really know who I am or what I want. When the divorce got started and I stopped closing sales (or even knocking into homes) I hit some really rough times and if I hadn’t had friends that were willing to intervene I probably would have drowned in alcohol or killed my liver. Ever since then I’ve been trying to put all the pieces back together. My family and what friends I still have tell me I’ve changed for the better, but I don’t really know what I’m doing or where I’m headed other than what I do at school.

Unfortunately I’ve only had 3 tangible connections over the last year, and not one of them came from the internet. More unfortunate, one was/is married and doesn’t know how she wants to proceed with hubby, one there was just too big of an age difference and we drifted apart fairly uneventfully, and one is my best friend’s sister who just came out of a divorce herself and is none to shy about her financial expectations (worse still, I find her positively enchanting and am close friends with all 4 of her brothers so I see her all the time… its awkward.) I just don’t get responses to my profiles and very rarely get replies to the messages I send. I recognize that I’m most likely doing something poorly in the process, but I can also recognize that I’m not a top prospect.

About being happy, I’m sure I must have been happy during some of my marriage. Its just that when I think back and try to find happy memories there’s so much doubt. Things I learned during the divorce leave me questioning what was and wasn’t real in the relationship, and as her taste for finer things grew I spent more and more time on the road while she spent more and more time entertaining her group of friends, which included my replacement. High school is a bit more of a blur. I know I was popular, and I loved wrestling, but being a top athlete at my high school in the 90s was like a ticket to sleep all day and party whenever I wanted. As long as we sold tickets and brought titles to the school we all basically had a free pass. So I guess I know I was happy for some of my marriage and some of high school, I just don’t have any sort of clear memory of any good times and I have plenty of memories of the bad times.

Yes, well, you’re still making progress, even if it’s not as much as you’d like to be making. I think the important thing to realize is that this won’t last forever. You are making/have made changes and let’s just say your life is complex like the economy. You hit a very low spot and it’s going to take time to fix things the right way and get yourself up to the point where you want to be. It seems you’re struggling very hard to make these changes happen and it’s taking a long time and your patience is wearing thin. I understand that. I’ve been there. I’m still there actually…haha. You still have to take those small victories to heart and try to be more optimistic about the future. Tell yourself that it’s okay to be in this current state. It’s temporary. Make exceptions. Like you’re looking for a perfect house, but first you have to live in a crappy apartment. It’s not going to be perfect, but you can make it work and sometimes you end up missing the apartment when you leave. In the meantime keep looking for that perfect place.

Keep working on yourself as well…that’s one key to finding someone who will love you for you;) If you can’t do it on your own, it’s okay to get help too.