Oh goodness, where do I start?

kristen :)

Oh goodness, where do I start?

All my problems seem to always go back to my dad. My dad started drinking at age 13 and by 17 he became an alcoholic. From there he started smoking, and abusing prescription drugs. Growing up as a little girl my dad was never a big part of my life. Yet my parents were still married, my dad lived with his girlfriend. My dad could not go one hour without a drink. It was pathetic, but i loved him so much. It seems like he was the only one who got me, even if he was drunk. Before I was born, my dad checked into 16 different rehabs and could never finish them. When I was in 5th grade, my dad decided he would start over; buy a house, quit drinking, we would be a family for the first time. He kept one promise, he bought a house we moved in and nothing worked. In Febuary of ‘04 or ‘05 my mother became very sick, she was the only one I was close to. She was in the hospital for a month. Little did I know that, that month would turn my life around forever.
I stayed with my dad at the house for three days. My mom wanted me to stay with her best friend, she didn’t want me around my dad. My dad didn’t know she was coming, and completely got mad and blew up. After i packed my stuff i gave him a kiss and a “bear” hug. He stood there and ignored me, that ticked me off. I stomped off to the car, my dad ran out on the front porch and say, “Snippy, I love you and don’t ever forget that.” I ignored him. I regret it, oh god I regret it. Those where the last words I heard from him, “Snippy, I love you don’t ever for get that,” and i can’t believe I ignored him. A couple days later he committed suicide. I just remember thinking to myself, why? Why did it have to end that why? I may never know.
After my father died I came to believe in God, and my relationship with my mom went down hill. I treat her like dirt and I feel terrible. I don’t know how to changed. I don’t know how to move on from my dad.
I go to therapy every week. It’s not helping.
Please help me.
Thanks, Kristen or to my dad “Snippy”

This open post was written 3 weeks, 2 days ago | V/U/S: 67, 3, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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BIG AL 1 449 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 2 days ago (15 minutes after post)

Believing in God is key to your life now. Stop treating your mom like dirt - I’m sorry your dad is no longer with us. But if you treat you mom like dirt and she were to be hit by a bus, and died - you get twice the sadnees of what’s going on, here. Get it?
I understand regret, myself. It truely is ironic. If you do believe in God, then you know what the Bible says about honoring your parents - you need to shine in God’s sight, concerning your mom. It’s okay to pray for forgiveness concerning the way you ignored your dad in his last days. And forgive yourself so that you may surpass the conflicts you have with your mom.
I’m so sorry - I can only imagine what you went through and what you are going through right now.

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Anonymous #
3 weeks, 2 days ago (17 minutes after post)

Ouch!
I’m really sorry for your loss. Losing anyone is hard, let alone a dad. Can’t tell you it’s going to be ok but it will get easier.

You can’t change what happened, but your dad knows that you know how much he loves you. He wouldn’t have left if he thought you thought he didn’t love you. He would have stayed around to prove his love to you. So don’t feel bad about ignoring what he said, you both know how you really feel.

I’m sure you love your mom the same way you love your dad. She seems like she really cares about you. But imagine if she (God forbid) passes away now with you treating her like dirt. How **** are you going to feel? I think you’d feel even worse than with what happened with your dad, cause you’d feel like you should have learnt from your mistake.

Moving on from your dad is a lot to ask of yourself, it’s not something you can control, but if you believe in God then trust Him to be with you and help you through it. Just cause your dad is not here doesn’t mean he’s gone; when you pray, talk to your dad, tell him how you feel tell him about your day. Let it out, he’s listening.

And just try and be nicer to your mom. Before you answer her back just think and say something better, or hold your tongue. Little things will lead to big changes. Talk to her about your dad and how you feel if you think it’s going to help.

Dr. Ralph 70 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 2 days ago (22 minutes after post)

Nobody is perfect. Not me, not you, not your dad. He will forgive you if you forgive him.

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