SMiLe :)
~Signs~
In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
On a Church’s Bill board: “7 days without God makes one weak.”
On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
n a Non-smoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire & take appropriate action.”
On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”
At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”
Outside a Car Exhaust Store: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
In a Vets waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in & get fed up.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
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~Eat and Drink~
A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans
(E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It’s speaking English that kills you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Famous Quotes~
If you look like your passport photo, you’re too ill to travel. -Will Kommen
I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up. -Dean Martin
I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. -Calvin Trillin
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. -Rita Rudner
My husband wanted one of those big-screen TV’s for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. -Wendy Liebman
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again. -Joan Rivers
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. -Henny Youngman
Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. -Bob Thaves
He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. -Ben Franklin
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. -Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor is wonderful. Once, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the x-rays. -Joey Bishop
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