My life is a mess i am in a relationship i do not want to be in. - Help.com

What’s the most important thing you have talked about?

And what action do you want to take about that?

Alcohol could sometimes affect your life’s decisions. That should be the first thing you would need to attend to. Second, you have a child to consider, you can’t mess with your life now as you’d need to attend to the little one’s needs as the father. Second, if you are in the mess with the child’s mother, consider options of communicating how the two of you would like your relationship to be. Yet i was thinking how would you be able to concentrate on that when you are in turmoil with another woman at the side? focus on your child and your present relationship. Another party should not be involved. Just yet. She is married. Her feelings should not entitle you to mess up with your life.

Set your priorities before you find yourself in a more problematic stage.

Ok…. so you’ve identififed with no help from me that your son is the most important thing in your life… that you have to move out to be happy….and that the feelings of desertion you will have is going to be hard to deal with.

Don’t involve another woman….you don’t need the complication. Being under a different roof from your son does not mean you have to be a bad dad…. but for you to have a good relationship with your son you need to have a good relationship with his mother…. so you have to talk to her…. no matter how hard that is…. be honest and open….that doesn’t mean cruel! Tell her how you feel…. do not mention the other woman because she will not forgive you for telling her you love someone else…. and see if you can work through a solution. It’s not going to be easy…. far from it…. but you have to take the first step.

As for the alcohol…. you should be going to AA meetings… every day if you have to… Do you have a sponsor?

Your current partner obviously loves you… the guilt is yours to deal with…. not hers. She has told you to go and do whatever makes you happy and i suspect she is worrying herself sick that that will not include her…. she’s willing to sacrifice her own happiness for yours…. i’d think long and hard before letting go of someone who loves you that much…. i am not saying that means you stay with her… just that you are sure that the other woman is not playing a factor in your decision making… the chances are that if you have had any kind of involvement with this other woman who is married you will never even if you end up with her trust her…. how can you trust someone who has messed around behind her partner’s back. Just make sure you aren’t jumping ship because you think the grass is greener on the other side….it rarely ever is!

Well you know what i’m going to say………. Pick up the phone and speak to your sponsor…. that is what he is there for!

Quit the alcohol, think about who you truly love, the girl you love is MARRIED, and you have a child. But who am I to tell you what to do? I’m just saying to think about it. Who do you love? How is alcohol affecting your life? etc with the questions.

You’ve hit the nail on the head…. and that is what your sponsor is there for… good luck.

Alcoholics never seem to realize that the choices they make in their life are affected by the alcohol. Alcohol makes a person see things a different way. They become paranoid, suspicious, uncaring, unloving. They only see that the bottle will free them and give them an answer to go on or put up with their life. The bottle has nothing in it but a sustance that will eventually destroy you and those around you.

Alcoholism is a selfish disease. The person doesn’t care about anything or anyone but himself/herself and how to get the next drink.

I have alcoholics in my family and they all did their families in. All of them saw their families not meeting their needs yet they couldn’t reach out to their families and work it out. They found thousands of reason’s to drink but never one reason to quit.

reallifeguy wrote:
I love my son more then anything ar anyone and his mother who i currently lie with loves me but i do not feel the same. So life can be pretty miserable for all of us i need to move out but feel like i am deserting the on ething that is good in my life

I acknowledge that. I am a single parent. Nothing and no one can take the love a parent has to his or her own child. I am glad to hear that as a man, you put a lot of weigh to your son who needs you and who would see you one day hopefully as a parent who did what he can not only for himself but also the child’s future. With you being serious of asking for help, i feel that you are sincere to accept that you need help, that you need to talk to people that is why we are here. And i hope we would be able to help you through talking to us, Sometimes the world is just too busy, we are becoming deaf of our own voice.

reallifeguy wrote:
thanks miss lilly getting involved with the married woman was a mistake but it has opened my eyes to wanting to love someone wanting to be with someone intimatly i have not been intimate with my current relationship for 8 months and it is hard i like to be touched and cuddled

We all need to be touched and cuddled and i truly understand that. Reading this line of yours is like listening to my own words.

We all need intimacy and god knows how we can do that. But she is married and she has a lot of complications as well so i really don’t advice going through another complicated relationship. IF things will not work well with this other woman, i am very sure you would end up in a worse situation believe me.

Someone raised the sponsor thing….i hope you’d call them now and try to get the session that would help a lot of your alcoholism. THAT should be the first step.

Are you still online? let us know any news when you have one.

Take care.

cute kid ! :)

Your little one is adorable.

Hey man…do you real want a direction?

It’s “right now” time.

Reboot!

Fix the no drinking now, conform to your current responsibilities and LEAVE the married chic alone until you have fixed your issues completely!

It’s not about how happy you are now, it’s about fixing yourself and looking at it with a “clear” perspective. Selfish happy hurts and has a defined end..the bottom and pain for all connected.

You are a fantastic man…I hear it in your words! You are a kind, loving dad and you have the strength to step up. You will have to be an open book and involving a married women will only complicate and hurt more people.

Step one…no more alcohol! Lock yourself up if need be.
Step two…follow all the wishes of your son’s mother.
Step three…never communication with the married women again in anyway… until you have 2 years sober under your belt.

No negotiating.

Stats are with me.
Be strong my man:)

BTW I forgot…if you are religious…go to church, if not call a sponsor:)

Don’t mean to be harsh…just real.

Quit drinking, stop messing with the other woman. It doesn´t work, believe me. I ruined my marriage that way. It wasn´t perfect but after an affair which destroyed everything I´m now left emptyhanded! Fight for your family, it´s maybe not the most attractive option or the easiest at present, but at a guess the most rewarding at the end of the day. Good luck buddy.

You are very welcome. I check the site everyday and i will to see how you are doing. Or give us a shout when you need it.

Right on big guy:)