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You got involved with the wrong woman… and if i was you i would licking your wife’s feet because i sure wouldn’t have given you even a blanket to sleep under never mind a sofa to sleep on…. you wrecked a family for a bit of fluff… and you are being paid back…. i hope your wife is strong enough to tell you to sling your hook.

Your right. Thanks.

Your a cold hearted man that has no love for any of your children. Your wife seems to be caring, even if you might have had some problems see who is there for you in your time of need. After what you have done to her. She is in her bedroom crying because your there and she cant even talk to you i bet. You did a mistake and you need to tell your wife, your so sorry and dump the crazy lady.

as i understand you were married and had children and then you had an affair

i think the affair is the beginning and the end of you problems.

an affair is like building an alternative reality, and what you tried to do is to force this alternative reality into your reality,

it is clear from what you say, that this alternative reality never included your children into the equation,

your children are a part of you and the one you had an affair with clearly feels out of balance with them,

you are now feeling in limbo, because you have hurt the feelings of those who love you and depend on you as the father and husband (home no. 1) and your (affair) alternative reality turned into an unhealthy negative relationship (home no.2)

of course, you are also hurt, just as all are in these circumstances, and the focus is on you, there is nothing you can do to please one or the other at this moment,

it might be best if you can move out of both homes and take a place of your own and start over, focus on your career and the children,

step by step, you can rebuild yourself, and perhaps things will get more clearer, who knows you might be able to be with your wife again or with someone else, but i do not think it is best to continue with a negative relationship, since its becomes a painful infinite cycle, both partners will lose and not be able to support each other, and since you have children and you really do not have the time to deal with something like this, you have bigger obligations,

please remember that anyone who does not love your children, does not really love you :O)

It’s hard chum.
Here’s the order of responsibility.

First your a dad, not a friend.
They’ll call you an asss and you’re not. Just your behavior:)
It’s not about where you belong now, it’s about your are responsibility.
It’s about how to repair what you’ve done.

You can’t do it alone and you would be a lot better off if you followed a direction given to you from a professional.

You can’t remove the past, but you can start over. Now. Start from here.

It’s step up to the plate time. Take your medicine and focus. Not about your happiness for a little while. It’ll come very soon.

Are you divorced?

Hi Max, no I´m still married.

Well, according to the law and she has a contract, you have to summit to your partner.
Apologize and ask your wife what she wants. It’s going to hurt, but after you are done fixing that relationship, be it divorce or what ever, then you can fix the rest. How you conduct yourself will leave an impression on your children and shape them into the people they need to be.

Good luck dad.
Get a pro and pay your dues!
BTW, it’s not you…it was your behavior. We don’t get how to be a good dad classes in school or how to be a good husband classes either.

Winging it doesn’t work…just burns time and causes painful mistakes.
Chinese proverb; man who trips over same rock twice…pretty stupid:)

Plus, a hint that may help.
You have so much on your plate, you’ll need to define what is your problem and what is not.
The girl dating a married man…not your problem now…it’s hers.
Don’t even say bye unless she calls you. Say sorry:) Then bye.

I agree that there are no classes on how to be a good dad or husband but i think it is kinda obvious that if you screw around while married you aren’t being a good dad or husband… I’m sorry but i can’t feel sorry for you…. you put your own needs before the needs of your wife and children and now you are paying the price… i hope to god your wife doesn’t take you back… if she does she is giving you licence to do it all over again and you will…. Why do men seem to think that they should have their cake and eat it… If nothing else i hope your children are old enough to see you for the man you really are.

You are legally married, stay home and be the husband of your wife and a proper dad to your kids. You never know how this thing affect your children.

But with everything said and done, it’s time to stay home and think how you can cope with that horrible mistake that not only affected your children, your family but you as a person. We all make mistakes, just with different degrees that resulted to different levels of pain and regret. You have a very strong wife, i would not know if i would accept you if you were my husband.

Stay away from that other woman. No reason for a talk or anything.

lol, girl with married guy can’t be good

neither is married guy with girlfriend :OP

so in the end of the day, the affair was never a good idea,

but the children are the key here, they must be already hurt because of all these circumstance i know i was when my father did the same thing,

but i have to give you credit, he left us cold, just like that, we ended up on the street because he left us all his huge debts and legal problems, imagine i have somewhere on this earth a person who shares my dna but just abandoned me like a corpse, when i needed him most,

its a trauma, that i will never recover from, and i have no idea how my mother is dealing with it,

he feels he is the victim by the way!

in order to keep my sanity, i convinced myself that he is not mentaly well, since no one can be this evil,

he always kept saying, I,
but never cared about the feelings of my mother, let alone me, never asked if we were alive, i really feel he preferred that we all died,

once i called him because of an emergency, and he just shouted at me never to call him and disconnected the line, that is the moment i suspect i had a heart attack, i could not move and lost my breath and had a horrible pain in my chest, i felt like i was half paralyzed, for a long time i could not get up, and since then i have not been as i was,

i truly loved him more than my own soul,

whenever i hear about him and how he has a home and a new kid and a wife (affair he ran away with), it really hurts, i feel like i have been replaced, like a product recall,

after all this and as crazy as it sounds, i forgave him, my mother accepts he did something unforgivable, but never says anything bad about him, she never filed for divorce, never likes to talk about him, she feels he not the person who she married,

the reason i am mentioning this is to show you that things can become uglier and more painful, if you do not watch out you will also loose your children,

there is a chance now you can patch things up with your family, you need to stand on your feet first, and be a man with principals :O) and whatever happens, life goes on

Jigoku…. i read your post and although i have never gone through what you went through with your father my children have. Their father turned his back on them and started a new life…. we are now twenty years down the line… i like your mother never said a bad word about my children’s father… i did however file for divorce… but never remarried or had more children. My children are like you… they have suffered at their father’s hand by him refusing to be a father…. in the end though it has been his loss… his life is missing two truely amazing people who are loving, kind and generous…. their lives lack a father but now as adults they realise that my own father gave them as good a start in life as their own father could have… not the best situation but at least they had someone.

The pain that you have caused for your children and your wife is unforgivable…you haven’t even realised that you made a mistake and the only reason you are back with your wife is because your bit on the side kicked you out….Have some respect for the mother of your children even if you have none for her as your wife!