Love help: hi i think i may be losing my girlfriend and i dont know what to do? - Help.com

It does sound like she may be having feelings for her ex boyfriend again, and I am very sorry to say, but you can’t change her if that is how she feels. Clearly, you feel she doesn’t deserve your love, because she doesn’t give you any attention and saying “I love you” once in a while is not a lot, so it is up to you whether this relationship should continue or not.

she deffo doesnt like her ex anymore, she wants things to wind down wit him so tat he wil get over her. im sure of that. she always ses she feels numb an stuff, i literarlly tell her practically as many times as i can durin the day i love her, i went to her house to giv her a bouquet of roses an a present but i felt that she didnt like me bein there :( so i went home cryin again lol. i jus love her, an she knows it, i told her the only way i cud get over her is if she told me she doesnt love me but she wont coz she sed she wud be lying! i duno how im supposed to feel. i care for her so much, i always worry about her an wish i cud hug her an kiss her an show her how much i love her but im really at a loss of how i could as ve tried everythin within reason :(

It sounds like the only thing you have in your life is her. So when you are together, you have nothing to talk to her about or tell her about, apart from stuff about her. Which to be frank is pretty boring in most cases.

You need your own life and to be independant and interesting otherwise this problem with carry on.

I know this is pretty harsh but I think its already over, you need to get over her. Surround yourself with friends and family and start living your life.

There is one real life lesson here that you have an opportunity to learn today, and if you do, you will never have to experience someone leaving you for the ex again. When we are considering entering into a relationship with someone, always get to know them first. If you find them frequently mentioning their ex, then at best you will actually be in a relationship with two other people. Seek out someone that wishes to focus on you only. You deserve this.

Also, never give the power to control your destiny to someone else. No matter how much you think you love someone, you keep your power because in this case realistically, you really have little to do with her decision to go back with the ex. She came into your relationship with him still very much in mind. Now all there is left to do is see this, and walk away with your power. You are good, worthy person that does not deserve to be used as a back up. You become your rock and you will be a lot happier. Hope this helps, Carol

thanks, i came into this relationship knowing this was happenin an i told her i would wait for her to be ready. i jus really wonder wen if ever that wil be :( ive told her everhtin about me an shes done the same, shes the closest gir ive ever been with. i hav told her so many times i love her, i used to kno how she defintly felt before but now im not so sure, mayb i should jus back off for a bit an not talk to her - woudl that help??

No it wouldn’t. No matter what you do, her mind is made up.

You need to get over this, you will be ok. This isn’t going to be the last time you feel like this either i’m afraid. But it will get easier, you will be ok! You’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you.

What would help is if you can see why you go on with your life, and don’t look back, because then you may find yourself doing the same thing to another. Don’t carry an old relationship into a new one. It is not good for you, and it is not good for the other person. Let’s say your gf is mistaken about her ex and finds out he really does not want her, so she comes back to you because the ex doesn’t want her. Would you really take her back? I think you deserve to go on in life and find someone new that will be there for you. What do you think? Carol

i dunno, i really want to be wit her, all her rfriends and family like me as well. im so scared, ive been cheated on twice before an i duno wat would happen if this came to a close as well.
she told me i am the one. wen we first argued about this i told her to tell me she doesnt love me so i can move on an she wudnt, we were both cryinan she wudnt say it still - is tat any good?

Well, it is definitely your choice. Each and every choice we make in our life experience will bring us a reward, or a consequence. If the choices you are making bring you consequences more then rewards, it is a sign that you need to rethink the way you make your choices. What do you think? Are you feeling rewarded, or that you are suffering consequences. Carol

well at the moment i feel like a complete mess, constantly hav a empty feelin in my stomach as well. i always say the juice is worth the squeeze. i thinkin im beginnin to break - i sed to her tat one of us would break under this presssure an i really think im goin to snap. im jus at a loss at wat to do. i wana tell her how i feel but i feel as if it mite push her away :( , sorry for moanin i jus dont want to lose her

Moan away. You have my ear right now but I will not be encouraging you to stay in this situation. Based on what you have written so far, it appears to me, by her deciding to go on a break from you, that she went from you back to her ex. Every time we resist reality, what is really happening, it is going to produce pain and suffering for us. A better path for you, a more freeing path for you, would be to accept that she went to him, and realize that this does not mean you were not good enough. What it means is that you got involved with someone that was still hung up on their ex and consequently they chose to go back to their ex. That part, what your gf chooses to do with her life, has absolutely nothing to do with you. Carol

is ther nothin i can do to show her, or should i keep waiting do you tink??

The only way you can truly understand is to reverse the roles. Imagine you came into a relationship still all hung up on this girlfriend. 6 months later this girlfriend gets a hold of you and wants to maybe get back together. Since you never ended your relationship with her in your mind, you tell your present girlfriend you need a break from her. She says she will wait for you. Then you go back to this ex girlfriend. Do you think the one that is waiting for you can convince you not to?

hmm, so you think i shoudl jus forget about her? i cant imagine myself jus textin her rite now an sayin i cant do this an breaking of from her:( . and fif i say it an then she cries sayin she doesnt want to lose me wil i hav screwed eveyrthin up?
really hard

Screwed what up? She chose her ex.

i spose the chance that we could be together |?

I just realized you never answered by question above where I asked if the roles were reversed would your new girlfriend be able to change your mind?

i dunno it depends i spose - i would like to think i broke up wit my ex for a reason so i would not go bak to them or anythin similar. however i kno that she feels responsible for her ex an i hav no right relaly to tell her otherwise. i cant asnwer the question simply becoz i havn texperienced it :( sorry

It’s Ok. Did you ever hear the saying, “thinking out of the box?”

yeah unfor im completey stuck in teh box wit the words love write al ova it. im goin to uni tomoz coz im at home so i mite see her tomoz if she wants to see me tat is :(
yargh i mus sound so stupid - i wana spend my life wit her,we get on so wel together its jus this situation destroyin eveyrhtin :(

Well good luck tomorrow. Let me know how it goes. Carol

Dude…what you’re thinking is right. She’s confused, she needs space to think because she obviosuly has alot going on. By just giving her some space for a week or so will let her determine how much she cares for you and how much she wants you in her life.
Just give her a week or so; this time will also be good for you to get your thoughts sorted out. Because you don’t just give up on someone you care about so easily - despite the pain.

and stop for a second and think about it. straight after her ex, shes in a relationship with you - she hasnt had anytime just to herself. As hard and unfair as it is on you, this time is important for her to just hear her own thought.
I really don’t think it’s personal, and i dont think it’s about getting back with her ex. I think it’s about having time by herself

maybay wel im hopin to see hear later tho she has turned her phone of so i cant get in contact wit atm, an ill tell her everythin ten an se wat happens. il also tell her wat u sed - tat i wil not speak to u for a week unles u need to talk to me. hopefully this wil help, im really scared an nervous for her reaction :(

Just to let you know, the reason she is going back to her ex is not because you haven’t “showed her” its because she wants her ex and not you.

I know thats tough to hear, but its true. You are not what she wants anymore, it happens to millions of couples.

I know its painful, but you will be ok - the pain will go away it just takes time.

Confront her, tell her exactly how you feel and what you think and do it face to face and wait for the answer. By this time you should know for sure if its over or how she really feels.

no she isnt goin bak to her ex she jus feels guilty an responsible for him.
til she is ok i wil leave her be an respect her for it, an i hope one day she wil get in touch an on tat day i will be happy. til then i will try to get on wit life even if it feels like borrowed time. i love her and she mus know it =)

It sounds like she does know it. Just make sure you get your own life too - don’t live just for her. You will be a much more interesting and attractive person if you have your own life.

i wil try thanks. i like this website its pretty useful!

Royskopp wrote:
i wil try thanks. i like this website its pretty useful!

Well we do try! ;)

Things can get really tough but there will always be people on here willing to help you, even if no one else in your life will.