Help help: Help Me find a way to get over the most amazing woman. - Help.com

thats a sad story, and sounds alot like mine, i dont know how to get over my amazing guy, if you find out please let me know, but for now i will just cry, maybe it would help you too, there is only so much crying you can do until the tears no longer fall.

I hate to point it out but sounds like she’s moved on to someone else and so should you.

That’s my life. Sorry.

Don’t waste anymore time waiting for her because from all that you have said, she did not see you as her ultimate romance but as a stepping stone to sow her wild oats.

She’s doing it now with someone else and you should just move on.

ok this is going to be a long post….im in the same kind of position as you only im in the position of the girl so i dont know if this is going to help you, and maybe im here more for my question to be answered than to answer yours.
we’re both 19 and we’ve been going out for a year now. we’ve been in the same class since we were about 12 or 13, but we only really started talking and we’ve been close for about 3 years now. Im having a really hard time at the time. I have a a boyfriend just like you. caring understanding. he said he totally understands if i want to let go. but yh back to me having a hard time, feeling really depressed and alot of what your girlfriend was feeling.And i just cant seem to enjoy his company anymore. But i need to get myself straightend out and i know the way treat him is totally unfair. but i just can’t seem to enjoy his company anymore. i dont know if its because im having a hard time or because i just cant be with him. maybe she did fall out of love with you, but couldnt tell you in nicer way? i cant break up with him because i dont want to hurt him. And because i don’t know what to do and what i want. I think im babbling.

thats might not be true, where did you see this photo? facebook? coz if it was she might have just gone to a party and had her pic taken with friends, she might not be trying to get over you but just simply have fun, i know that i have been acting happy and covering the sadness i have in my heart very well, it doesnt mean im not broken up or seeing someone else.

Go try to meet someone else.

That’s the best you can do to move on.

But im not sure what i feel…im having such a rough time at the moment, im so confused and lost i dont know what i feel or want anymore…and he knows how i feel.

You know, whenever someone starts feeding you a lot of stuff about not being ready for a relationship or needing time off.. that’s because they no longer feel BETTER being with you than without you.

You don’t turn her on. I suspect you were great friends but for her you turned into a brother. Perhaps you don’t have the amount of confidence, planning, assertiveness, that she needs.

It would be a mistake to hang around waiting for her. Your first step is to accept it is over. You will feel denial, anger, regrets, and depression on the way to acceptance. Those are the phases of loss.

You must sit down and start a relationship journal. Write out all the challenges in your relationship… warning signs you ignored (you know they are there!), things that annoyed you about her, ways you weren’t on the same wavelength.

I strongly suspect that you were living in a fantasy. You weren’t plugged into the “real” her. And she went along for the ride because it felt good to have someone want her and look after her. Perhaps she never got that from anyone else or was missing it from childhood. But that is NOT what drives attraction.

If she’s dating “jerks” right now, then you have your answer. You were the “nice guy” that she used and abandoned because you were more of a brother than a lover. Perhaps you focused too much on her, were too available, didn’t have your own life. WORSE… you may have put her on a pedestal and she didn’t feel free to be herself.

Don’t get caught in the trap of blaming people for lying.

People are driven by hopes and fears. If saying something that isn’t true (or engaging in wishful thinking) makes them feel less anxious, then they will likely do it.

Don’t think that women understand attraction any better than you do. Women may spend years dating a guy because they are attracted to his good points (like a brother/sister) or to his animal points (his confidence, sexuality, drive, risk-taking). Neither extreme is healthy and she will bounce between them.

The proper solution is a mix… the guy who is jerky enough to attract her and keep the sparks flying… but who is nice enough to get a commitment out of her because she feels safe. The nice jerk.

Honestly, YOU ARE HER INSURANCE POLICY, her BACKUP GUY. Why would she throw away the backup guy? You seem desperate to just hang around and be available. That just kills attraction. Your best bet is to get on with your life and chase other girls. You will explore new parts of yourself when you date other women. Open yourself up to enjoying the differences in new women.

You need to learn to distinguish a girl treating you like a teddy bear or a security blanket and a girl who tears your clothes off and admires your confidence and risk-taking and feels safe and feels she knows the teddy bear inside your jerky exterior.

Kurt Roadie wrote:
I do however, have an issue meeting new women, and im wondering if thats why i turned into the guy who will wait around.

You are 100% right. That self awareness is a great step.

Here’s a secret. Confidence is about taking risks. So if you stumble over words talking to a girl, stop, grin, say you’re retarded, and try again.

I do this all the time with people and they laugh because I turned an awkward moment into a joke we both share.

The secret to handling people is to remove their anxiety. Everyone is anxious around other people. So remove that anxiety by not taking yourself seriously (ie. they don’t have to worry about hurting your feelings) and by making them feel special (asking about them, digging into their lives, sharing your own thoughts on what they’re up to)

Read “How to start a conversation and make friends” by Don Gabor. Great guide.

Also read “Mars & venus on a date” or “Men, women & relationships” both by JOhn Gray.

A girl should feel lucky to have you. She shouldn’t feel like you’re always around like a brother. She should feel that other women want you, you take risks, you don’t need her, you’re confident.