How long does it take to get over a failed marriage? - Help.com

What makes you think she is not over her failed marriage? Has she indicated that?

I heard that a fair rule of thumb is three months for every year of marriage involvement.

That’s an interesting rule of thumb. It just seems like it would take longer than 3 months but that’s just me. She hasn’t indicated it but I don’t think most people would say too much about it. She just told me how she found out about the guy cheating on her and how she became violently ill. It just seems like it would take a long time to get over something like that if you were planning on spending the rest of your life with someone then it’s taken all away.

As far as my experience goes, more than five years (and still counting).

How long were they married?

Yeah, twodtwenty, I guess that’s what I was thinking. My ex fiance ended our relationship and I wasn’t fully over it until about 3 years after. The first two years I thought we would get back together.

allan_wilco wrote:
I heard that a fair rule of thumb is three months for every year of marriage involvement.

I disagree. I don’t think there is a ‘fair rule of thumb’ for measuring how long it takes for someone to get over a relationship of any kind; it really just depends on the person. If you want to know, ask her in a delicate, thoughtful, cautious way. Bring it up in a conversation somehow, let her know how much you like her, just don’t make any big or bold moves just yet (DEFINITELY don’t propose to her) until you have a more firm understanding for how she feels about the situation.

They were married for just under a year.

Anonymous wrote:
They were married for just under a year.

Okay. If the marriage yas been broke up for for two years (as you posted), that should be plenty of time. I’m not big on instant rebounds. My reply of the three month deal was only statistical based on how fast broken couples find another partner.

I had a good friend who was married for 11 years. It kinda make me sick that there was NO transitory period for him between his former marriage and his next relationship.

It’s not her fault the marriage ended… her husband left her for someone else…. that would have been an awful thing to get over but i think if she feels ok dating now two years on then she should be able to…. she certainly shouldn’t have to put her life on hold because of her husband’s behaviour… she very well may have wanted to spend the rest of her life with him but if he left her she’s had to come to terms with that… trust her to know her own mind.

Anonymous wrote:
It’s not her fault the marriage ended… her husband left her for someone else…. that would have been an awful thing to get over but i think if she feels ok dating now two years on then she should be able to…. she certainly shouldn’t have to put her life on hold because of her husband’s behaviour… she very well may have wanted to spend the rest of her life with him but if he left her she’s had to come to terms with that… trust her to know her own mind.

I agree. She sounds very tender, though - she made a sincere investment into the former husband, and (obviously) she got hard-goodbye. That’s a tough cookie to bite into, because, after all, what did she do to deserve that? Ultimately, though, she’s going to have to come to grips and look forward to you in confidence.

She’s took a long time to heal…. and rightly so. I don’t think you will have an easy ride with her if you go into a relationship as she may have problems with trust depending how badly she was hurt by her husband but if you think she is a nice person give it a go…. why should you and her miss out on happiness because of what her ex husband did?

Anonymous wrote:
It’s not her fault the marriage ended… her husband left her for someone else….

Don’t kid yourself.

Every relationship breakdown happens because of BOTH people. They chose each other. They got something out of it. It ended because the compatibility broke down.

Here’s the simple rule of thumb and it has nothing to do with time: Any woman who does not take responsibility for her part in a relationship breakdown is not ready for another relationship.

It takes two to make a relationship work and two to break it so i agree with you Linuxya… however i think anyone who has taken two years to recover from a relationship break up will have picked through every second of that relationship and even if they can’t say out loud they were partly to blame for it ending they know it deep down and hopefully won’t make the same mistakes again.

Anonymous wrote:
i think anyone who has taken two years to recover from a relationship break up will have picked through every second of that relationship and even if they can’t say out loud they were partly to blame for it ending they know it deep down and hopefully won’t make the same mistakes again.

You can find out very easily with a simple conversation.

I dated a girl who flipped out at the suggestion that she might’ve chosen the wrong guy. She dumped her fiance to marry some guy who was older and cheated on her almost from day one and physically abused her. But for some reason it was 100% his fault. All she did was repress her responsibility and maintain a romantic fantasy of what love was supposed to be. That is a dangerous person to be around.

I think the difference with that situation to this one is that the person you dated was the one who went off with someone else…. i think if you’ve been dumped you take a different view to the relationship…. i know i have always gone through that horrible phase where i blamed myself totally for the break up when it was me who was dumped…. it must have been my fault… you have to work through that and see the real faults in the relationship then you can move forward but you’re right a simple conversation would give a good indication of how she feels about her marriage breaking up.