Is it fair to say i broke up a family in this situation?
- My husband went to prision for 3yrs. During this time his ex wife and daughter moved out of state. He said while in prision he lost some of his financial assets, and when the money was gone-so was his ex. At that time his daughter was 5yrs old. When my husband got out of prision he had no plans to get back with his ex-even if he had never met me. He had not filed for divorce due to financial reasons. When he and I met he told me he had an ex and child who lived out of state, but said he was already divorced because he thought I may not want to date him if I knew he was married. He filed for divorce 6 months after we met-and did not tell me the truth about his marital status untill his divorce became final a year after we met. I would not have dated him if I knew he was still married when we met.
His ex wife did not want the divorce-not because she loved him, but because she would be better off financialy if they had stayed married. So when he filed for divorce she told him there would never be anouther woman in their daughter’s life if he remarried-as a general statement-she knew/knows nothing about me personaly.
His daughter was never told what he was charged with, and does not know he was in prision. Husband and ex wanted it kept from her-she was told he worked at the prision. Neither my husband or his ex told their daughter they were divorced until a year after the divorce was final. She was 9 when divorce became final, 10 when she was told.
Husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. He has been divorced from ex for 5yrs. I have never met or talked to step daughter on phone-husband talks to them almost every day-and does all visits solo-I’v never been invited. When husband talks to them on phone he I have never once heard him use “we” statements when refering to his and my life-he always uses “I” statements. He says they know I exist,but it’s like I don’t. My husband has let on to them like he and I have been together several years less time than we have been.I once asked “woulden’t his daughter be happier knowing he’s in a long-term relationship with someone who really cares about him, rather than a series of short term flings?”-he said ‘no, she would be less happy to know he’s in a stable relationship’. My husband keeps me and his family 100%seperate. He says they know he’s married-he told them by text message several years ago-and he says they responded “oh that’s nice”-and never said anything about it-he says it never came up in conversation again. He says they don’t see me as his wife-they see me as the “other woman”. His daughter is now 14yrs old.
But is it really fair to chalk me up as a home wreaker or the other woman when they had already not lived as a family for years before we met, and I did not know he was still legally married when we met? He says they are angry he’s with someone else-what’s your take on this?
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