Love help: i totally went head over heels for a girl junior year in college. - Help.com



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i totally went head over heels for a girl junior year in college.

the relationship lasted two wonderful years before **** hit the fan after graduation. my ex went on to pursue a career as an investment banker in chicago, whereas i pretty much descended into a depression and substance fueled free fall.

now, things have gotten much better. i’ve since moved to rio, started a small trading company, and am engaged to a wonderful italian woman. what bothers me tho … is that I’m still sad. not cos my ex and i are no longer together. but sad because i don’t think i’ll ever experience those two passionate years of torrid love ever again.

it’s not that i don’t love my fiance. in many ways, she is the right person with whom i wanna spend my entire life. but it makes me incredibly guilty that i can’t give my fiance the same all-consuming love that i gave my ex. sure, i don’t love my ex anymore but i think i gave love away when we broke up and that my heart is forever trapped in the past.

what do you think? is this “normal”? or am i being a bit obsessive. would love to hear your thoughts.

This open post was written 3 weeks, 4 days ago | V/U/S: 81, 3, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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linuxya offline Verified User (2 years, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 15 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 weeks, 4 days ago (6 minutes after post)

Why do you say that your fiancee is the right person? Is that a decision you made with your head? Checking off all your compatibility items on a checklist?

Does your fiancee make you FEEL powerful and smart and capable, make you enjoy taking risks and making plans and delighting her? Does she look at you with an adoring gaze like she is the luckiest girl in the world? Does she make you FEEL like you are the luckiest guy in the world? That you finally found someone who GETS you and not only accepts you for who you really are DEEP DOWN INSIDE but wants nothing different? You’ll be happy.

If you are pretending to be something other than what you REALLY WANT, if you are choosing someone based on your head and what you think you should have, if you are taking your life in a direction because it’s where you THINK you SHOULD be rather than where you desperately want to be… then you will be sad.

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Help me with: The problem with self serving advice
R.A.M offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 3 weeks, 4 days ago (15 minutes after post)

Happens!

But, most people would agree the love of a good woman will change that!

It seems you have the love of a good woman and shes by your side!

What does your heart say? (becareful though, quite often the heart is unrealistic)

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breathe! offline Verified User (2 years, 6 months) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
PK | 3 weeks, 2 days ago (2 days, 16 hours after post)

i think it wud be a good idea to meet up with ur ex and decide whether u really dont have feelings for her or whether u do. if u dont, ull be contented with ur current situation…if not, then uve found what makes u happy again.
personally, i think ure still into ur ex and it wud be a shame not to follow ur heart cuz marriage is a huge deal. if u guys didnt break up badly and just kind of drifted apart, i think it wud be a smart idea to seek her out and be with her. maybe the time is right now :)
also, how did u feel when u read the above advice? its a good indicator of what ur heart wants. if u felt happy, u knw u want to be with ur ex. if u felt a little skeptical and unsure, u can pretty much bet ure just curious about things and hopefully this feeling of sadness will go away.

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Help me with: i know i am in love.

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