lonely help: People don’t understand me, sometimes I don’t even really understand myself. - Help.com

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Hi Anonymous,

I feel for you friend, and I’m sorry to hear about your situation.

Since loosing a family member of mine to cancer several months ago, I’ve also spent lots of time looking for meaning and direction and have found myself locked into patterns of isolation. After months of this behavior, I’m reading your post and thinking of myself and hoping you can find what you’re looking for. I want to encourage you to do good things before you develop habits and patterns that will be hard to break.

Though I’ve not yet found the resolution I’m seeking in my own life, I have discovered some practical methods that have helped me better deal with things. I know it may be a rough time to hear suggestions, but maybe later you can come back and read these. Below are a few things that have helped me open up and stop isolation from happening::

1) Look for meaning and direction outside of yourself -
I realized after several months of isolation and depression that I was expecting a lot of the answers to come to me rather than me reaching out to them. Also started to find meaning by trying to offer positive service to others around me. I’ve had to re-train myself to try to think more of other people’s needs than my own, but when I do I feel much better about life. Look for volunteer opportunities and try to keep yourself involved with something worth while.

2) Try connecting with people in other ways -
If you feel bottled up and unable to share what you think, try getting it out through other methods. Go for a run, play a musical instrument, work on some art or do something creative. I find that in through creative process I can more easily sort through my feelings and feel resolution.

3) Cope but be careful how you cope -
Its normal to need to have time to work through things or deal with things in your own personal way. With me, however, I found that I tended to feel pulled towards unhealthy coping habits such as spending a ton of time online, watching endless TV, or sitting around creating idealizations of what I wish my life was like. If you are prone to alcohol or substance abuse this can be a particularly dangerous combination. Take a walk, volunteer your time, sleep it off, or write out your thoughts in a letter that no one else has to ever see.

4) Reach out-
There are lots of people out there who care about you and want to help you find happiness. I know I don’t know you but, feel free to write back. I’m sure there are others as well,,,, You don’t have to say much… But sometimes just knowing that somebody cares can be a really good feeling.

I hope you can feel better.

CJ
Hawaii

ey dudeee cmon life is just one, if you are one of the lucky ones dat have health, dammmm stop acting like a victim of the world and freakin do whatever u want! life is too short cmon and for sure there are gonna be ppl dat are not gonna like you, dat r gonna laugh at your and u are not gonna like because NO ONE IS PERFECT! dont take yourself too seriously, if theres ppl dat dont like you, what d heck you care?? still outside there will be thousands that do like you and wanna be with you….the problem is that in order to dicover real friends you have to show the real youuuu….dont freakin care what everyone says, care bout what u want in life

Now.. I’m completely understand you everything. Why? because I used to feel it when I was at high school! hahaha
Actually, you are sensitive person really,Sometime you might think, you are heartless but actually,you are NOT! You have heart!Don’t be scare yourself! really..
Live your life as normal.I think,you are thinking too much about what’s people thinking about you. No one is perfect and we can’t make everyone to like us.
Don’t be scare to make a mistake..just learn from it. AND DON’T EVER HIDE YOURSELF!!
I don’t know how to say.. oh god!! I wish I could good in English more than this!! anyway,you have to show yourself.. and everyone will see how beautiful you are.

When I was at high school and I felt about it. I always cry every night and didn’t know why. May be it’s because deep in my heart.. I want someone to understand me,to hold me tightly but I still close myself.Because.. I think, I know about love,relation but I never understand it.Sometime love can take your heart and break your heart and that’s the problem.I guess.. I want something to believe in,something that never leave me…something that I can trust.It’s hard to find ones. Have you ever felt like this?