My boyfriend is 27 years older than me.
He is a famous actor. We love each others very much but we do have problems to communicate- he is permanently nervous, unpatient and very aggresive. He constantly telling me that I am the love of his life and that I am the most important thing hapened in his life but at the same time he is behaiving very arrogant with me. I always try to calm him down and ask him to speak about the problems but his answer always is that this makes him borred. He is very nervous person but deep inside he is very sweet and generous. My problem is that I don’t know how to behaive to block the situations that can provoke negative results. I am getting exhausted by being thrown beteen his love affection and anger. What can I do? Please, I know that this is not a problem which can be solved by one sentence, but at least I expect to give me any idea of the direction I can take in making things better. Thank you.
Since writing this post anelia6 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. anelia6 is not a verified member, has been around for 6 years, 11 months and has 1 posts and 6 replies to their name.
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How old are you?
Who is he? JUst try to talk to him!
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I think that you really shouldn’t find yourself in this position..if you love each other, you should be able to be yourself around him without having to constantly watch what you say in case it causes conflict
ok, but I am frightened by his anger and I don’t want to provoke him. Actually he can be provoked by anything….
who is he is not that important. The only reason I mentioned his job is becasue there are type of actors who are more or less the same in their way of dealing in a love relationships
How can you love someone you are afraid of?
What are your plans for your life? Do you want to marry? Do you want to have children? Does he share the same wants and needs as you do? Instead of focusing on what you can do to accomodate his temper, devote some of that energy to making you the person you want to be and pursue your dreams. If you do not love and respect yourself as a person no one else will.
to Dellavision: I love him becasue of the moments we are really happy with each others and for the moments when he let me help him to feel better with himself. This is one of the mistery of love….
to candp: Maybe you are right about respecting myself. I could marry him , but he always promiss that he will work on himself and his problems. I am waiting for nearly 2 years to see him the way he was when we first met. He seems very confused also- he wants to give me the best but at the same time he is very concentrate onwhat he want and on his oods that changed every minutes
But surely the happy moments can never truly be fully happy because you’ve got the constant worry in the back of your mind that something will provoke him? I have some personal experience with the psychology of actors and personally I think they’re all a little high strung..maybe you could talk it out with him..get him to think about your feelings more often and maybe just suggest he gets a little guidance in the form of anger management? Liks if down the line you plan on having kids with this guy an angry daddy who blows up at the drop of a hat will problematic!
you sound unhappy and are living like you’re walking on egg shells. don’t let someone treat you like that. if he loves you, he will go for counseling with you or take anger management classes. he may need medication, who knows, but he has to see he has a problem. you can’t force him, because he obviously won’t listen to you. hope you don’t stay in an abusive relationship. i did for 13 years and regret every minute. but if you think you want to leave the relationship, always have a safe plan. if you call info (411) ask for the domestic abuse hotline number. call and they can help you. then spoke with my on the phone and urged me to go (without my husband knowing) to a domestic violence counselor who will listen and if they think it could be fixed, then they will try to help you fix things. if not, they will give you a ton of pamphlets you can read and talk about having a “game plan”.
If he is so focused on himself he doesn’t have alot of time to consider you or your feelings. The writing is on the wall! You can begin looking for a new more stable and satisfying life yourself, or you can continue to sacrifice yourself for him. From what you describe, we feel you are headed down a road of heartache and possible physical abuse. The choice is yours.
to dellavation:When he is calm and in a good mood I can speak with him about it and he admit he has a problem with his anger. He is going to a therapy with a shrink, but what makes me worry is that he twist everything to be my fault and really makes me feel guilty for everything. I admit that in a conflict situation both partners are responsible but I can not accept that this is all me. I try to make him calm and to provoke talking and he is shouting and don’t want to listen to me.
to Justice: He never did anything physicly aggresive to me. I have problem with his temper only and the pain from his words.
to Candp: I agree, but he always ask me for another chance and patience that he is dealing with his problem by visiting a shring. When he is ok, he is the best person in the world…
Sounds like a very destructive relationship to me..it’s the typical victim of ab use excuse ‘when he’s calm he’s the nicest person in the world’..I say get out while you can..don’t look back..sorry to be blunt
Best of luck Anelia xxx
it says that you are awaiting approval. what does it mean?
Lets start with ur age difference… that’s really bad??? how do u know he just doesnt want to get u in bed or something??? u cant help who u love but if he treats u like that and u guyz hardly ever see each other, than u need to sit down and talk with him about ur relationship… im not saying u should break up with him, u just need to know where this relationship is going.
it depends how old are u?????????????
My advice to you, is to follow your heart. If you look at yourself twenty years from now down the road, and you can’t picture yourself without this person, then I think you should work it out. But if you can’t see yourself with him, then maybe you should reconsider this relationship. If he was a loving boyfriend, and didn’t want to hurt you, then he would take your feelings into consideration. My mother has always said to me, You attract bees alot better with honey than vinegar. That is why I’m always nice to everybody. If you want to work out this relationship, then i say go for it. But you need to sit down and make sure you don’t sound like your griping at him. Be calm and sweet, but make him understand that you both need to change some things, so it doesn’t sound like your harping on ONLY him. But Both of you need to work on some things. I know things will work out for the best. I hope this helped you out!! Best of luck!
27 years is a big difference. I know friends with only 7 years difference and that is hard enough. I do not see how you can love someone that is so different in terms of age and life. Do you really love this guy? It doesn’t sound to me like you do.
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