this is a question for parents. - Help.com

its FINE, good lord, as long as you do it in moderation and never actually hurt them (ie bruising or bleeding, then your *** should be arrested.)

Abuse is abuse. And beating with items is abuse. So, would you like someone abusing you? Is that ok?

Those parents need to be arrested and get a lot of psychological help. The children should be put into a loving home, either with relatives or in a foster home.

So abuse in moderation is ok. I mean I hit them sure - just not all the time…
Common, that is ridiculous.

discipline involves teaching someone a lesson using consequences for actions as a tool.
beating someone with a stick, is neither discipline nor consequences.
it is abuse.

*I’m not a parent* Never heard of switches (its funny how people use different words). I’m ok with some physical punishment (spanking etc) and think it is beneficial-gets your point across fast (if you have a valid reason), but some people…like my dad took it too far sometimes…dont do it to where you might actually hurt the person (as in physically or emotionally damage) and don’t do it all the time. Also, it depends on the persons age.

switch = a long thin cane.

What if ur parents have a control AND anger problem? what if they never let you be free? What if the used to abuse you and tehy stopped- but now they are even MORE strict? Have to ave my hair they want or they ground me from my school work, worship music, and bible… which aer VERY important to me. The will throw ur stuff across the room and stuff- in u in the mouth for saying “please stop!” and u bleedin cause u have brace? no friends on school days. No boys. Everything has to be the way THEY want and u cant live ur life… or u will be grounded from church, school, andu will be smacked,and put in the corner- and if u get grounded from band practice and us still try to go cause u will get kicke out if u miss ofr something like that- they ride after you, pick u up and carry u to the car. You tell a counselor, they make up a HUGE LIE story to the school. They fake for the church. They constantly lie about u. U never see friends. U were so protected u didnt know what a guy pricate part was until u were 14. They even lied to the police when i called them- u had scratches from them and stuff but they made up another story adn the police believed them. You cant talk, act, dress, feel, be ur own person. Ur trapped inside a bubble ur parents refuse to let u out of. There is at least 1 fight a day, and 2 huge blowouts a week- u got grounded once because ur back wasnt held as straight as ur mom wanted when u were doing the dishes. Then what do u do? The only good part about his whole thing is that u have become extremely close to god- and u know how and do make happiness out of the misery- even though u are still desperatly searching for freedom

And get this- ur 16 and a half years old and all of this is happenening still. ALL.

MysticalNi 善良 wrote:
if the child happens to be stubborn, how would one deal with that? A child who does not listen and refuses to do what ones parents says? What if the child is too young to understand time-outs?

no child is too young to understand time out.
you really think a young child is going to understand being beaten with a stick over being excluded because of their behaviour?
i dont think so.
anyone who needs a stick to beat their child into submission should not be a parent.
im all for a spank at times, but jaysus christ, come on.

MysticalNi 善良 wrote:
if the child happens to be stubborn, how would one deal with that? A child who does not listen and refuses to do what ones parents says? What if the child is too young to understand time-outs?

If you had a wife/husband that was stubborn, and wouldn’t listen to you. They did some pretty nasty things to you and you were as hot headed about as possible, would you hit them too? I doubt it.
Don’t hit kids. Don’t hit people. Find another way.

Anonymous wrote:
What if ur parents have a control AND anger problem? what if they never let you be free? What if the used to abuse you and tehy stopped- but now they are even MORE strict? Have to ave my hair they want or they ground me from my school work, worship music, and bible… which aer VERY important to me. The will throw ur stuff across the room and stuff- in u in the mouth for saying “please stop!” and u bleedin cause u have brace? no friends on school days. No boys. Everything has to be the way THEY want and u cant live ur life… or u will be grounded from church, school, andu will be smacked,and put in the corner- and if u get grounded from band practice and us still try to go cause u will get kicke out if u miss ofr something like that- they ride after you, pick u up and carry u to the car. You tell a counselor, they make up a HUGE LIE story to the school. They fake for the church. They constantly lie about u. U never see friends. U were so protected u didnt know what a guy pricate part was until u were 14. They even lied to the police when i called them- u had scratches from them and stuff but they made up another story adn the police believed them. You cant talk, act, dress, feel, be ur own person. Ur trapped inside a bubble ur parents refuse to let u out of. There is at least 1 fight a day, and 2 huge blowouts a week- u got grounded once because ur back wasnt held as straight as ur mom wanted when u were doing the dishes. Then what do u do? The only good part about his whole thing is that u have become extremely close to god- and u know how and do make happiness out of the misery- even though u are still desperatly searching for freedom

And get this- ur 16 and a half years old and all of this is happenening still. ALL.

P.S. I did NEVER anything bad, never really lied once i was 12, never snuck out, always get a’s, im an honors student, i behave every i go and try to lve like christ- i did nothing to warrant what they ar doing- at a school im known as the goodie-good christian girl who is innocent and has crazy strict parents.

every 2 year old is like that. thats why they call it the terrible twos.
ever heard of Supernanny?
id suggest getting hold of her book, it has some excellent behavioural techniques that are far, far more effective than just smacking your kid.

timeout WORKS for kids that young. it takes time for anyone to learn anything, but if you are consistant in your discipline, warn the child they will go into time out once, then consistantly PUT them into time out when they misbehave again, they will very soon get the message.

and rather than focusing on punishing the bad, also focus on rewarding the good.
have an empty jar, and some marbles. when the child is really good, reward them with a marble in the jar. when the jar is full, kid gets a reward, like a new toy or something.

its not something that happens overnight. but it does work. but every kid has challenging times, it doesnt mean you just start hitting them.

courtybubble wrote:
every 2 year old is like that. thats why they call it the terrible twos.
ever heard of Supernanny?
id suggest getting hold of her book, it has some excellent behavioural techniques that are far, far more effective than just smacking your kid.

timeout WORKS for kids that young. it takes time for anyone to learn anything, but if you are consistant in your discipline, warn the child they will go into time out once, then consistantly PUT them into time out when they misbehave again, they will very soon get the message.

and rather than focusing on punishing the bad, also focus on rewarding the good.
have an empty jar, and some marbles. when the child is really good, reward them with a marble in the jar. when the jar is full, kid gets a reward, like a new toy or something.

its not something that happens overnight. but it does work. but every kid has challenging times, it doesnt mean you just start hitting them.

yes

beating a child is not a reflection of the childs behavior. its a reflection of the parents, and eventually the kid is gunna realize this and become not receptive to the dicipline anyway… i just think its a no no.
try talking to them. and if they have a big sister or brother ask them to them lead by example. example it the best way to teach, i beleive.

MysticalNi 善良 wrote:
i was disciplined by the switch growing up, it wasn’t that bad, at least not as bad as most people think. It was only when i did something horribly wrong, something that could put my life in danger or something that was horribly embarrassing to my mother. When i got “beat” it was only a few hits on my “bum” — I just felt like using that word.

Anyway, the taps weren’t bad, and i was also put in the corner for time outs. Which is what happened most of the time. I remember one time that I told a lie and i had to stay down stairs in the corner the whole night in the dark where i eventually fell asleep. I think I was in elementary school, i don’t remember.

The point I am getting at is that some parents discipline their children this way. I just wanted other people’s opinions on the matter. Please forgive me if there was any confusions.

yeah, thats not a bad way to discipline someone especially a younger kid. most people just werent exposed to it so they dont understand, I’m not truamatized by being switched as a child, my mom used to hit me as hard as she could with these little thin sticks from a bush outside, and I’m glad she did no way she could have gotten through to me any other way. and look at me now most of the people I know have some sort of police record. I dont.

Some studies show a correlation between childhood ‘caning, switching, whipping’ to submissive behavior/masochism in adult life. Is it worth the risk if you know you might be damaging the psyche of your child permanently?

Just because some parents do it, it doesn’t make it right. It becomes a pattern of accepted abuse that is defined as ‘correction’; it is still ABUSE. Educated people find alternatives to physical punishment (which is also mental/emotional anguish btw). If the memory of it stays a lifetime, it’s too harsh.

Break the cycle. Find a new way.

Abstract?? wrote:

MysticalNi 善良 wrote:
i was disciplined by the switch growing up, it wasn’t that bad, at least not as bad as most people think. It was only when i did something horribly wrong, something that could put my life in danger or something that was horribly embarrassing to my mother. When i got “beat” it was only a few hits on my “bum” — I just felt like using that word.

Anyway, the taps weren’t bad, and i was also put in the corner for time outs. Which is what happened most of the time. I remember one time that I told a lie and i had to stay down stairs in the corner the whole night in the dark where i eventually fell asleep. I think I was in elementary school, i don’t remember.

The point I am getting at is that some parents discipline their children this way. I just wanted other people’s opinions on the matter. Please forgive me if there was any confusions.

yeah, thats not a bad way to discipline someone especially a younger kid. most people just werent exposed to it so they dont understand, I’m not truamatized by being switched as a child, my mom used to hit me as hard as she could with these little thin sticks from a bush outside, and I’m glad she did no way she could have gotten through to me any other way. and look at me now most of the people I know have some sort of police record. I dont.

i was beat as a child too and although it wasnt that bad at first they eventually got worse n worse because i got worse n worse. they used verbal correction to get to me too. n it got to the point where they were telling me, the then 10 year old child, that i could leave if i wanted to n find my own life when i did spmething bad n gave me bloody noses n such. or giving me a beating for something i did 2 weeks ago because they had a bad day at work.

some people can do it in moderation but some people just dont have enough self control too. and you cant risk your childs mental health just because your frusterated with them.i think some people should find another way. not all, but some.

oh man no thats abuse mystic, sorry you had to go through that, I was talking about like a spoon to the butt, that kind of thing…

there is a difference between *beating* a child, and disciplining a child with a spank on the butt for being supernaughty.
i was spanked too, and so will my kids be, if needed.
but my god, if i EVER considered beating my child with a stick, i would hope someone would step in and take those kids away from me.

MysticalNi 善良 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
oh man no thats abuse mystic, sorry you had to go through that, I was talking about like a spoon to the butt, that kind of thing…

if you call that abuse, then i would hate for you to see what i see everyday.

whats that? you work with abused kids or live in a bad home?

MysticalNi 善良 wrote:
i live across from a bad neighborhood, it is really poor and some people who are not used to it, lets just say that it involves a lot of stereotypes and harsh justice. I see “abused” people every day of my live. I’m kinda used to it. I’m not saying that i would do it, just that i am used to it.

oh yeah, I know what you mean now. well, work hard and you can get out of there!

i would rather try and change it.