Is it OK for her to insist on seeing her “friend”?
I have moments of panic. I am engaged to be married late this summer. We’re both in our 30s. Since the beginning of our relationship, my girlfriend has mentioned her ex-boyfriend, once the love of her life, who couldn’t commit to her. Early on in our relationship, before we were properly committed, she even went on two short holidays with him, which was torture for me but I had to live with it because I didn’t want to lose her. I genuinely believe they weren’t having sex. Eventually I got sick of this guy and made an ultimatum with my girlfriend: stop contact with him entirely for three months, and after that he can see us AS A COUPLE. If you can’t do this, we’re through. She stopped seeing him. Time passed, months passed, now we’re engaged. But she’s back in touch with him. He sent her a letter saying he was ready now, for life together, committment, kids, the whole thing. One way or another, my girlfriend insists on seeing him. Why is it OK for me to go out with my male friends, she asks, if she can’t see her true friend? I tried to explain to her that this guy is NOT JUST a FRIEND, but she says he is. I am 100% sure she isn’t interested in him physically at all, but she says communication between them is like “an information superhighway” and she is rather poetic in her descriptions of him. Yesterday during a huge argument she took off her ring and called him in front of my face to fix a date for tonight. She knows exactly how I feel about it but is going to go out with the guy.
This makes it sound like our relationship is a single issue. It’s not: I love her, she is crazy about me, gets on very well with my family, she is very strong and has many qualities, we get on well, this could be the best opportunity for a family that I ever get and I don’t want to throw away what fate has offered me… but is it OK for her to insist on seeing her “friend”?
Since writing this post rufusdos may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. rufusdos is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 2 months and has 2 posts and 3 replies to their name.
Invite Others to Help
A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.