jealousy help: Is it OK for her to insist on seeing her “friend”? - Help.com

Is it OK for her to insist on seeing her “friend”?

I have moments of panic. I am engaged to be married late this summer. We’re both in our 30s. Since the beginning of our relationship, my girlfriend has mentioned her ex-boyfriend, once the love of her life, who couldn’t commit to her. Early on in our relationship, before we were properly committed, she even went on two short holidays with him, which was torture for me but I had to live with it because I didn’t want to lose her. I genuinely believe they weren’t having sex. Eventually I got sick of this guy and made an ultimatum with my girlfriend: stop contact with him entirely for three months, and after that he can see us AS A COUPLE. If you can’t do this, we’re through. She stopped seeing him. Time passed, months passed, now we’re engaged. But she’s back in touch with him. He sent her a letter saying he was ready now, for life together, committment, kids, the whole thing. One way or another, my girlfriend insists on seeing him. Why is it OK for me to go out with my male friends, she asks, if she can’t see her true friend? I tried to explain to her that this guy is NOT JUST a FRIEND, but she says he is. I am 100% sure she isn’t interested in him physically at all, but she says communication between them is like “an information superhighway” and she is rather poetic in her descriptions of him. Yesterday during a huge argument she took off her ring and called him in front of my face to fix a date for tonight. She knows exactly how I feel about it but is going to go out with the guy.

This makes it sound like our relationship is a single issue. It’s not: I love her, she is crazy about me, gets on very well with my family, she is very strong and has many qualities, we get on well, this could be the best opportunity for a family that I ever get and I don’t want to throw away what fate has offered me… but is it OK for her to insist on seeing her “friend”?

This open post was written 3 years, 3 months ago | V/U/S: 1,220, 4, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post rufusdos may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. rufusdos is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 2 months and has 2 posts and 3 replies to their name.

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relationships,, commitment, jealousy (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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evanescentlight offline Verified User (5 years) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
An Unknown Location | 3 years, 3 months ago (1 hour, 50 minutes after post)

Maybe it’s not okay for her to insist on seeing this “friend,” but it’s DEFINITELY not okay for you to fight her about it.

If she really feels like this guy is her true friend and you trust her to not cheat on you, then you just need to back down a little bit. If anything, you’re making her run right into this other guy’s arms by treating her like you are. Just remember, she has another option, you do not. I’m not saying that you should put up with anything because you have no choice, but that you need to be careful, especially when she starts using this guy as a way to get back at you.

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Help me with: This boy who likes me keeps bugging me on facebook chat about hanging out.
screenname offline Verified User (3 years, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
An Unknown Location | 3 years, 3 months ago (2 hours, 22 minutes after post)

It’s OK if you trust her, not OK if you don’t trust her, and probably a scary thing to her if you don’t trust her. Being mostly worried about them getting physical and whether they’re “just friends” might not look good if she has to compare you to someone who was “the love of her life”. Obviously this is more important than that, you’re preparing to commit much of your future, it may be important that she clearly know how much she really means to you.

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Anonymous #
3 years, 2 months ago (3 weeks, 3 days after post)

im kinda going threw the same but to alot lesser extent! its just my girlfriend. hanging around with a few guys regulary! i know what these guys are like, there single players, i know them! she says its fine we are just friends..dont u trust me! hate when they say that! and she gets angry when i ask…and basicly says its normal….if u dont like it, maybe we shouldnt be together! now im afraid to even ask where she went and what she did…! if u come up with a soulution id be really greatfill to hear it…. :(

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daria.fogazzar offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 3 years, 1 month ago (1 month, 2 weeks after post)

It isn’t clear if you know directly this friend. Why don’t you meet him to discover his feelings? Anyway for me the behaviour of your girlfriend is not correct.

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