relationship help: Hey everyone! - Help.com

Hey everyone!

Hope you can help me out here
My bf and I have been in a very loving relationship for the past 3 years, and the last half ( 1 and a half years) of that time has been turned into a long distance relationship. But he didn’t just move to a different town or city. He moved back to his home country, Germany. He used to live here in the Mid East where I live, Cyprus, for 5 years with his parents, and then they took him too when we graduated from high school and moved back. He didn’t want to go, but there was no way there would be a future for his career in Cy. The market here is limited. I can see this is gonna turn into an essay. Anyway, the point is that since he left August 21st 2005, I visited him that following christmas, then again the following easter, then we waited 8 whole months cuz neither could afford it or had obligations in studies, and now he visited for 2 weeks in christmas to stay with me, just like i did the previous christmas. We had a lovely time, and were just as close as before if not more, but now that he’s gone, we discussed it very openly and are both confused, cuz we dont know what to do about this distance anymore. Going on three years, in a relationship that we both agree is precious and so happy, and we never had problems with cheating in our own countries, we love eachother so much but the distance is killing us. It’s so hard, and we missed eachother the moment we parted again… Now here’s another thing. I am currently finishing my 2nd and last year at my college here before I leave the country to study abroad. Everyone is telling me England England England and they’re right, it suits my course stuff and i’m fluent in the language there. Plus, I don’t know any friends of mine who haven’t studied there. However, for a long while I have been thinking about trying out Germany, and to be honest it is for three reasons. I visited and fell in love with the place, I love my bf who lives there and who is very enthusiastic about this idea and wants to live with me if i did go, and cuz I am learning the German language and have already used it in conversations and understand locals when they speak. I have been studying it for just 6 months or so, and continue to so I get my certificate and then continue with it further to fluency. I am also learning Italian, but thats beside the point :) I have this love for language and a great memory, so I don’t think language poses a threat to pursuing a study place in Germany. But I found out in some research i did, that in the very different German edu system, even international students must be taught in German in their second year there, after they have their first year in english there. Im sure I can catch up to literary standard, but people around me, like family, are not so sure cuz they think i should not risk it. I feel i can do it but im not sure.. They say I should go to England and start fresh with a language i already know fluently, so i do well right from the start, stay there for two years till my Bachelors degree, and then do my Masters in Germany after having continued german lessons in England for those two years. I told my bf all this, and he said he will support me and that i should follow my career and not base things on being with him. That my career is more important, even tho he wants to be with me a.s.a.p. and would love it if i could do that thing with germany right away instead of two years later.
I dont know what to do about this, and have been thinking about it day and night, and I’m scared that deciding on England will end our relationship or throw it right off balance. We’ve already talked about frequent plane visits back and fro from Germany-England and vice versa, and it doesnt cost much and takes half the amount of hours in the flight, than it does from cy-germany and vice versa. It’s genuinely a beautiful relationship which is being put at risk by kilometres. It’s so unfair and we both agreed on this. This Spring, end of March, I have signed up to go on a one week trip with my German class to Germany, cuz they do it every year. It’s a good chance to see him, and coincidentally, its a tour of the city he happens to live in! :) I feel lucky, and we both can’t wait to see eachother. I’m already saving money even tho my parents will help cuz they know how much this means to him and I. My bf asked me if I could ask my German teacher if its ok that he tags along when we go on the tours every day, so he can be with me, and she agreed and said we can even bring people along with us from where we live. So its a very open program, which im so happy about. He was thrilled when i said he’s allowed, and we are just waiting impatiently for March now. Sounds like a fairy tale huh? :) I’m also wondering what to do about this summer, cuz he said he cant visit cuz its high season at work and he has to be there, so I will try again to afford it, but we’ll see , its far away yet. So can someone help out on the problems i mentioned? Thanks a lot :)

This closed post was written 1 year, 8 months ago | V/U/S: 362, 21, 5 | Edit Post | Report Post

parents, long distance relationship, loving relationship, country germany, graduated from high school, hope, relationship, Distance, Relationships (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

beaner43 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 8 months ago (19 minutes after post)

You should be patient. True love will wait. Absence makes the heart grow stronger. I truly belive this. Try not to force things. You love him nad he loves you. That will not change. Try not to get yourselves in financial situations due to your impatience. You are both young. You have plenty of time.

You should be patient. True love will wait. Absence makes the heart grow stronger. I truly belive this. Try not to force things. You love him nad he loves you. That will not change. Try not to get yourselves in financial situations due to your impatience. You are both young. You have plenty of time.

Help me with: Limon won.

DancerLynn 1 #
US | 1 year, 8 months ago (23 minutes after post)

I agree with Beaner43: be patient.

What are the pros and cons of each place?

I agree with Beaner43: be patient. What are the pros and cons of each place?

Help me with: Are there any small animals that eat algae?

beaner43 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 8 months ago (33 minutes after post)

The pros are you will get an education.You need to complete your education. He also needs to complete his. I know you both want to see each other this summer, but do not put yourself into financial difficulty. I know it will seem like an eternity. True love will wait. If iyour relatinship is not true love, then it will not work out. I have been there, I wish I knew then what I know now. Patience is the most importnat thing. Please never forget that! The cons are you may not get to see him as much as you would like. It will be okay.

The pros are you will get an education.You need to complete your education. He also needs to complete his. I know you both want to see each other this summer, but do not put yourself into financial difficulty. I know it will seem like an eternity. True love will wait. If iyour relatinship is not true love, then it will not work out. I have been there, I wish I knew then what I know now. Patience is the most importnat thing. Please never forget that! The cons are you may not get to see him as much as you would like. It will be okay.

Help me with: Limon won.

DancerLynn 1 #
US | 1 year, 8 months ago (38 minutes after post)

How long does it take for you to get to Germany from the place you would be staying at in England? How much money would you need to make the trip? If you could arrange a least a monthly visit, it might make things easier.

How long does it take for you to get to Germany from the place you would be staying at in England? How much money would you need to make the trip? If you could arrange a least a monthly visit, it might make things easier.

Help me with: Are there any small animals that eat algae?

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 8 months ago (40 minutes after post)

I hear you both, but its so hard. I am getting imsomnia these past few nights since he left cuz i got used to having him next to me when i sleep and waking up to his beautiful face in the morning for two weeks that he was here.. He can’t sleep well either.
The pros and cons of england:
Pros: The easier educational system, easier language (at the moment), more organised course outlines on the Internet for me to choose from, more universities there that collaborate with my college for the sake of credits which is another problem for me with germany, they might not all accept to transfer my credits cuz they might not have ties with my college even tho its the best in cyprus.
Cons: TERRIBLE WEATHER. :)
Actually, the bad thing with england is that I just dont like the country. However many times I went, which have been reluctuntly many cuz we have relatives who live there, I never enjoyed it fully. I went to Germany only twice and it felt like home. Plus Germany has more interesting culture.
Germany:
Pros: It’s a beautiful country through and through, the people, despite what some may say, are very warm and friendly. I cant deny that I also love it cuz my bf lives there, I think the language is beautiful in its own way and is powerful when spoken, and the weather is constant without wavering, and it also has some warm days that are quite pleasant! England is just wet wet and wet again. No snow. But Germany has snow when in season, and lots of it! I can just see myself feeling at home again there. I won’t lie, maybe if he were in England it would change my mind, but I still would love Germany cuz its beautiful. So confused..
Cons: Complicated educational system, language thing with all in german taught from the second year. I know there are some unis there that dont do this in the second year, where u can study in english all the way, but I just dont know if they are tied with my college, and if they are, I have to find out, so thats something to look at then i guess.

I hear you both, but its so hard. I am getting imsomnia these past few nights since he left cuz i got used to having him next to me when i sleep and waking up to his beautiful face in the morning for two weeks that he was here.. He can't sleep well either. The pros and cons of england: Pros: The easier educational system, easier language (at the moment), more organised course outlines on the Internet for me to choose from, more universities there that collaborate with my college for the sake of credits which is another problem for me with germany, they might not all accept to transfer my credits cuz they might not have ties with my college even tho its the best in cyprus. Cons: TERRIBLE WEATHER. :) Actually, the bad thing with england is that I just dont like the country. However many times I went, which have been reluctuntly many cuz we have relatives who live there, I never enjoyed it fully. I went to Germany only twice and it felt like home. Plus Germany has more interesting culture. Germany: Pros: It's a beautiful country through and through, the people, despite what some may say, are very warm and friendly. I cant deny that I also love it cuz my bf lives there, I think the language is beautiful in its own way and is powerful when spoken, and the weather is constant without wavering, and it also has some warm days that are quite pleasant! England is just wet wet and wet again. No snow. But Germany has snow when in season, and lots of it! I can just see myself feeling at home again there. I won't lie, maybe if he were in England it would change my mind, but I still would love Germany cuz its beautiful. So confused.. Cons: Complicated educational system, language thing with all in german taught from the second year. I know there are some unis there that dont do this in the second year, where u can study in english all the way, but I just dont know if they are tied with my college, and if they are, I have to find out, so thats something to look at then i guess.

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 8 months ago (42 minutes after post)

About 2 hours… it costs around 40 Euros he told me, but i’m not sure thats accurate. He said he would visit every other day, or I could visit. To see eachother weekends and that sort of thing..

About 2 hours... it costs around 40 Euros he told me, but i'm not sure thats accurate. He said he would visit every other day, or I could visit. To see eachother weekends and that sort of thing..

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 8 months ago (45 minutes after post)

Thanks Beaner, i know thats true, it’s just that I love him so much and I don’t want distance to be the reason we might drift away, even if its not our intention to.

Thanks Beaner, i know thats true, it's just that I love him so much and I don't want distance to be the reason we might drift away, even if its not our intention to.

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

DancerLynn 1 #
US | 1 year, 8 months ago (49 minutes after post)

Okay, first you need to find a good collage that accepts your credits in both places. Look at the professors and the subjects available. See if you can pay for it. Look at the housing. Look at whether or not you can contact your BF somehow. And consider all the other things that will affect you when you’re there. Collage is hard; even if you’re in Germany and your BF comes along with you on trips and all, you may not be able to spend quality time with him.

Okay, first you need to find a good collage that accepts your credits in <i>both</i> places. Look at the professors and the subjects available. See if you can pay for it. Look at the housing. Look at whether or not you can contact your BF somehow. And consider all the other things that will affect you when you're there. Collage is hard; even if you're in Germany and your BF comes along with you on trips and all, you may not be able to spend quality time with him.

Help me with: Are there any small animals that eat algae?

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 8 months ago (51 minutes after post)

Another thing. This girl our age over there where he works hit on him about 2 months ago or more, and he shut her out politely and said he’s commited to me and loves me and he wont be involved with her. She finally accepted, and then a while later he finally came to Cy for those two weeks. She hasn’t bothered him since that time he said no, and I know he’s very loyal and faithful to me, as i am to him, and i trust him immensely, but cuz of my background, coming from a dysfunctional family, a father who left home when i was 12, a brother who left 2 weeks later, even tho im close tho them both now, i have got used to not being able to trust men 100%

Another thing. This girl our age over there where he works hit on him about 2 months ago or more, and he shut her out politely and said he's commited to me and loves me and he wont be involved with her. She finally accepted, and then a while later he finally came to Cy for those two weeks. She hasn't bothered him since that time he said no, and I know he's very loyal and faithful to me, as i am to him, and i trust him immensely, but cuz of my background, coming from a dysfunctional family, a father who left home when i was 12, a brother who left 2 weeks later, even tho im close tho them both now, i have got used to not being able to trust men 100%

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

beaner43 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 8 months ago (52 minutes after post)

I have never been to Germany, butI have heard it is very beautiful.
England I hear is very wet. Do not let that sort of thing get you down. If you both truly love each other, you both can wait. I would suggest you study the German language as much as possible, so you can become familair with his language and culture. I have to again stress that true love will endure.Save your money and visit him as often as you can.He should do the same.

I have never been to Germany, butI have heard it is very beautiful. England I hear is very wet. Do not let that sort of thing get you down. If you both truly love each other, you both can wait. I would suggest you study the German language as much as possible, so you can become familair with his language and culture. I have to again stress that true love will endure.Save your money and visit him as often as you can.He should do the same.

Help me with: Limon won.

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 8 months ago (55 minutes after post)

I guess you’re right beaner..thanks so much :) this really is an amazing relationship.. i’ll take your advice, ima try my best.

I guess you're right beaner..thanks so much :) this really is an amazing relationship.. i'll take your advice, ima try my best.

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 8 months ago (57 minutes after post)

The reason they left home was cuz my mum had issues, she couldn’t stop arguing with my dad, my bro, and later me. I left when i was 17 and went to stay where my bro ended up, with our granny. then i moved back, then i moved out into my own apartment. Anyway long story.

The reason they left home was cuz my mum had issues, she couldn't stop arguing with my dad, my bro, and later me. I left when i was 17 and went to stay where my bro ended up, with our granny. then i moved back, then i moved out into my own apartment. Anyway long story.

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 8 months ago (58 minutes after post)

I guess so Dancer, i’ll try to keep logical..

I guess so Dancer, i'll try to keep logical..

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 8 months ago (1 hour, 1 minute after post)

Wow its late, i guess i should try to sleep heh :) thanks for all your help everyone :) aufwiedersehen..

Wow its late, i guess i should try to sleep heh :) thanks for all your help everyone :) aufwiedersehen..

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

DancerLynn 1 #
US | 1 year, 8 months ago (1 hour, 22 minutes after post)

You’re very welcome, Spur.

You're very welcome, Spur.

Help me with: Are there any small animals that eat algae?

mountainman 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 8 months ago (17 hours, 14 minutes after post)

well..if your whole being were symbolized by a round circle “0″ I would guess, from your post, on the germany side it weights around 65..and the england side around 45. give or take.
there is an old saying, keeps puzzling me, but seems true. “don’t push the river back up stream.”
I’m sure that your deeper self has decided. the question is how do you get it done, rationally; surely the monotony of living will be either place, after the exciting question is laid to rest.
trust in men..is a biggy..it would be nice to give yourself to a loyal men. But, even then..he will have his career and you yours. on the whole, though it seems you know you want to go to germany.. to become german citizen? return to cyprus?
too hard, maybe still, to decide where you want your children to become citizens. but that thought lurks behind the question. and where do you want to be buried, that lurks here too.
hope that helps
mountain man

well..if your whole being were symbolized by a round circle "0" I would guess, from your post, on the germany side it weights around 65..and the england side around 45. give or take. there is an old saying, keeps puzzling me, but seems true. "don't push the river back up stream." I'm sure that your deeper self has decided. the question is how do you get it done, rationally; surely the monotony of living will be either place, after the exciting question is laid to rest. trust in men..is a biggy..it would be nice to give yourself to a loyal men. But, even then..he will have his career and you yours. on the whole, though it seems you know you want to go to germany.. to become german citizen? return to cyprus? too hard, maybe still, to decide where you want your children to become citizens. but that thought lurks behind the question. and where do you want to be buried, that lurks here too. hope that helps mountain man

Help me with: 9/11 gave extremist views of islam the up front identification which I think is not justified of a religion of great breadth and beauty.

jamwan 0 #
KE | 1 year, 8 months ago (1 day, 11 hours after post)

i wish i had waited for my last love to sort out her priorities;i did not ,i lost her . now it has been 3yrs and i still think about her. However, it’s too late as she moved to the states and moved on for it seemed like i was disinterested( in reality i was just confused and regrettably i did not consult).
Please wait.True love is about unconditional giving.ciao

i wish i had waited for my last love to sort out her priorities;i did not ,i lost her . now it has been 3yrs and i still think about her. However, it's too late as she moved to the states and moved on for it seemed like i was disinterested( in reality i was just confused and regrettably i did not consult). Please wait.True love is about unconditional giving.ciao

Help me with: FINISHING THE COURSE

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 7 months ago (3 days, 20 hours after post)

mountainman, u have a really big mysterious movie kinda way of putting it :p

mountainman, u have a really big mysterious movie kinda way of putting it :p

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 7 months ago (3 days, 20 hours after post)

ashleyeschram, its nice to hear someone has backround on the place. I am in the process of talking with career guides here where i live, see where is best for study, and for affordability. Thanks again!

ashleyeschram, its nice to hear someone has backround on the place. I am in the process of talking with career guides here where i live, see where is best for study, and for affordability. Thanks again!

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 7 months ago (3 days, 20 hours after post)

still dont know if its england or germany yet though. Time will tell. Research will tell! :D

still dont know if its england or germany yet though. Time will tell. Research will tell! :D

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

spur_cons1 1 #
Nicosia, 04, CY | 1 year, 6 months ago (2 months after post)

Eh we broke up :p

Eh we broke up :p

Help me with: I think that I’m in transition from bisexual to lesbian.

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