College Essay Help Please.

hockeymaniac500

College Essay Help Please.

I am still working on this so any advice or recommendations would be useful. I’m a little over half done with what is below.

Hot wax flows so freely up and down so simply, almost cyclical, with just enough freedom to keep you in a trance for hours. The lights dimmed to the point everything is dark minus the soft glow of the lava lamps placed around the room. The four piece component stereo hidden in the bookshelf. The easy, magical twang of Hendrix’s lefty Stratocaster and Jimmy Page’s melodious touch for hours on end seem to make everything in life just a touch simpler. Five guitars placed in the corners of the room, one fender, two Gibson’s, and an acoustic Martin. Life was fantastic in the 60’s. There is only one problem. This isn’t the 60’s anymore. I was born over thirty years late. A half century passed before I graduate. I have always been told that I was born in the wrong generation.

The music makes me feel safe in a modern world. Media seems to be about the depression of society. The news provides the downcast messages of pain and suffering. The movies provide the violence. The parents and family represent the greed. The internet provides the access to it all. Even with all the pessimistic views, music will always provide hope. The upbeat sounds of Jefferson airplane or the rolling stones can always lift me up. The smooth guitar solo of Stevie Ray Vaughan or Eddie Van Halen’s fret board shredding speed tapping can stop the world in its tracks and forces me to get lost in the pure, raw emotion that can be expressed through an instrument.

The music, the cars, and the mood make me want to go where I know I missed. The times are said to not be as different as people imagine. Yet, it is the little things I want the most. When outside was inside and the inside was outside. I want to spend days outdoors on my bike, hiking a hill, making the outdoor world my place of peace and freedom. With video games, movies, computers with the internet who needs to ever leave the house? Who needs fresh air? Who needs to exercise outside with the indoor gyms? Value has been lost in the outdoor. Value I appreciate. I appreciate what I love. I love what makes me who I am. I am not what somebody tells me to be. I am myself.

This open post was written 3 years, 2 months ago | V/U/S: 1,177, 5, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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hockeymaniac500 invited 16 users to read this post 3 years, 2 months ago.

Pepper Jelly 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 years, 2 months ago (8 minutes after post)

Hot wax flows so freely** up and down so simply, almost cyclical, with just enough freedom** to keep you in a trance for hours. The lights dimmed to the point everything is dark minus the soft glow of the lava lamps placed around the room. The four piece component stereo hidden in the bookshelf. The easy, magical twang of Hendrix’s lefty Stratocaster and Jimmy Page’s melodious touch for hours on end seem to make everything in life just a touch simpler. Five guitars placed in the corners of the room, one fender, two Gibson’s, and an acoustic Martin. Life was fantastic in the 60’s. There is only one problem. This isn’t the 60’s anymore. I was born over thirty years late. A half century passed before I graduate. I have always been told that I was born in the wrong generation.

**freely and freedom in the same sentence is redundant.

**lights are dimmed to the point that

**Lava lamps placed in xxadjectivexx areas around the room

Hendrix’s is awkward. Say Stratoscater by Hendrix

The music of love 2 #
Santa Barbara, CA, US | 3 years, 2 months ago (17 minutes after post)

It’s amazing, but maybe not for a college essay. I absolutely do love it though. however a college essay needs to be to the point and should be bragging about you. It should show those qualities that the admission staff doesnt get to see in your app. So you could still write about how you were meant for the sixties but talk about how its formed you overtime and more to the point. like for example since you’ve felt you should be born in the 60’s you’ve always had a deep appreciation for music and it is through the art of music that you realize what the world has to offer to you.

You’re details are amazing, but remember that they spend about two minutes per paper reading the essays and if they aren’t to the point and have alot of stuff about you in there then they may not see the other side to you.

Help me with: so i went to a party last nite.

Pepper Jelly 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 years, 2 months ago (18 minutes after post)

♪The Music of Love wrote:
It’s amazing, but maybe not for a college essay. I absolutely do love it though. however a college essay needs to be to the point and should be bragging about you. It should show those qualities that the admission staff doesnt get to see in your app. So you could still write about how you were meant for the sixties but talk about how its formed you overtime and more to the point. like for example since you’ve felt you should be born in the 60’s you’ve always had a deep appreciation for music and it is through the art of music that you realize what the world has to offer to you.

You’re details are amazing, but remember that they spend about two minutes per paper reading the essays and if they aren’t to the point and have alot of stuff about you in there then they may not see the other side to you.

All true

hockeymaniac500 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 3 years, 2 months ago (28 minutes after post)

♪The Music of Love wrote:
It’s amazing, but maybe not for a college essay. I absolutely do love it though. however a college essay needs to be to the point and should be bragging about you. It should show those qualities that the admission staff doesnt get to see in your app. So you could still write about how you were meant for the sixties but talk about how its formed you overtime and more to the point. like for example since you’ve felt you should be born in the 60’s you’ve always had a deep appreciation for music and it is through the art of music that you realize what the world has to offer to you.

You’re details are amazing, but remember that they spend about two minutes per paper reading the essays and if they aren’t to the point and have alot of stuff about you in there then they may not see the other side to you.

Alright. Good to know. Thank you both.

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