life help: Not Anybody, But You: Our son is caring, intelligent, and usually had A’s & B’s. - Help.com

Our son has hopes and dreams because he is intelligent, so how can I tell him that the neurologist believes he will not succeed in life or in a career because of his condition? And what would be the purpose of telling him this? He was born with this condition. How would you tell your child this? How can any parent tell their child this?

His condition is hard to explain; in fact, extremely hard. We have tried a few meds, without having any success, and I don’t see that any others would help; however, if there are any, we are willing to try. Currently, I am considering Vinpocetine, which is a supplement. I have read some really good things about it that I think it might help him.

We also took our son to a research hospital, when he was 4 & 5. The 1st time, they asked what we thought. I said that I think he has a form of muscular dystrophy. I had noticed that he usually holds his right hand bent at the wrist. They said I was close; that he has a mild form of cerebral palsy. My water broke about 6:00 a.m., it was discolored, and he was not delivered by C-section until about noon. Second time we took him to the research hospital, since I had just heard of ADD, I asked them about it, and they said he has an attention problem, but not classic ADD. They didn’t recommend that he come back, so I guess it was because they couldn’t help. In the 2 years, he had a total of 4 days of testing. Then when he started school, his condition was classified as ADD. I never thought he had ADD, but since I didn’t know his condition, I left it at school with that.

Our son gave me power of attorney to help him with finances, doctors, etc. When we went to a lawyer for that, he talked with the secretary, who is the lawyer’s wife, about a tesla coil. I don’t know how they got onto that, but they talked about many things. He’s always interested about different things. As I said, he is intelligent, yet when he’s to make himself a sandwich, he asks, “Should I cut the bread?” He doesn’t eat cereal often, but when he was having Raisin Bran, he asked, “Where’s the cereal?” It has been in the same cabinet for 20 years. He’s reminded every day to make his bed, pick up his clothes, take his plate to the kitchen, etc. He doesn’t work, but volunteers as a greeter at an art studio. The other volunteers, which are mostly elderly women, think highly of him because he is really a caring person. Yet his teachers, his co-volunteers, the lawyer’s wife, etc., are not really friends. And because of whatever condition he has, his peers do not accept him as a friend. Our son needs someone that will say “Do you want to…?” Yes, he has asked his peers; and many went with us to water parks, amusements parks, etc., when they were young. As all of us need friendships in life, he needs these too. And he also wants to have love.

I could tell that Christmas 2007, he was unusually sad. Then he gave us the poem above Valentines Day 2008. Here’s the other poem that he gave us with the 1st one:

“The Biggest Secret IS Told(c)2008:

Some people say that I am easy to talk to, But how many listen, is what I ask you? Words not always spoken, for they scare the tongue. Secrets so big, it seems easier to run. And yet I have told these tales with nothing to say, I have told them before in a different way. What’s that you say, you haven’t heard? Pictures are made of a thousand words. (Yes, he had drawings alongside.)

Strong are the feelings that we keep secret; Yet they are made clear in our dreams. Why would we keep secrets though? Fear, self-doubt, so many reasons to hold. What would happen if these secrets were told? They could change everything, Because their consequences are unpredictable. We could be harmed by our secrets, even if it was unintentional. So why tell our secrets then? Because secrets weigh heavily on our shoulders.

In times long past, there was a feeling so strong. It had to be love, I just couldn’t be wrong. My heart skipped a beat, and I would always smile. Yet approaching her felt like leaping a mile. It was hard, I was scared, and a wall seemed to be there. In my dreams, I could break down that wall; and in reality, it was easier to fall. Yet once I braved the abyss of fear, I leaped just to hear; That she is my friend, not just someone I know. And maybe with that true love could grow. So let it be known that this secret so old– Is the hardest story that is ever told.”

Yet the girl that he loves/loved, and I knew who she is since second grade, would say no if he asked for a date because she only meant it in a motherly way when she said that she is his friend. Yes, because of his condition is the only reason. In fact, she was one of the children that did things with us when she was young.

The psychologist classified our son with a form of Asperberger Syndrome, but he doesn’t really have these symptoms.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to turn. I don’t want him to hurt. I’ve already had two heart attacks myself.

#1. He will be living without friendships, etc. #2. Healing. You may say, why not just adding a friend? The reason: Friends come an go in our lives; and without healing, how will he take care of a family, add friends, etc.? He has been out of H.S. 8 years now. He went to a community college 4 years, and a university 3 years. He graduated May 2009 with a GPA of 3.69. He has been a good student, including calculus, because teachers always give directions. He would also go to his teachers for additional directions if he did not understand.

You may enjoy one of his jokes: There’s a maximum security honeybee prison. So when they break out of prison, do they break out in hives?

#1. He spends most of his time on the computer, watching TV, etc. His degree is digital art. Thus, he works on that too. It takes him a very long time to work. He spent many hours doing homework since he was in second grade. We bought a program for him to do different things; like make his characters smile, etc. #2. He has no friends. #3 & #4. He volunteers as a greeter at a local art studio 2 hours a month; that’s it.

Another example of our son’s condition is that he doesn’t always remember the months in order. He usually skips March and April. Although, we were glad to hear him include these last time we asked. He also doesn’t always remember that there are customarily 365 days in a year.

Perhaps his condition is a result of the cerebral palsy, we don’t know. And we haven’t found anyone that can give us direction for where to turn.

I thought I would mention the reason he was unusually sad Christmas morning 2007 is that he had dreamed the woman he loves made him pancakes for breakfast, but when he woke up to reality, it was saddening. And it is also saddening during January/February because there are a lot of advertisements about “Love” Valentines Day. There are so many reminders in life of love and friendships, besides of one’s current family, that it’s saddening for anyone who has none. Our son dreams of having the love of someone, and the friendships of others, besides his current family.

He made a Christmas card to sell at the art studio. He sold one box of 10. After taking out their commission, he received $5.50. He also did a picture of his robot character watching TV. He sold two of those, and received $36, after their commission, and his $20 membership fee to the organization.

candp wrote:
Your son is in his mid 20’s, has a degree in digital art, a bent wrist and some problems with memory.

All correct. Holding his hand bent at the wrist the way he does is a symptom of the mild cerebral palsy. It is hard to describe his memory. Things that change seem to be the most difficult. For example, what month is it? In things that don’t change, he seems to have a good memory most of the time. He never really had trouble in math, except when working with money, time, months, etc.

candp wrote:
Does he have any other physical limitations we should know about?

His work is labored would be how to describe it. He took about 8 hours to drink a bottle of milk: apparently, this was a symptom of the cerebral palsy. Now he does not cook because his hand shakes trying to cook; so he worries that he will burn himself. He lived in a dorm room at college, and everything he ate was put in a toaster or microwave. He takes about 4 times longer to get work done than an average person. He was 18-20 months old before really walking. He was 3 years old before really talking in short sentences. His speech is labored: meaning he speaks slower than most. His words are clear, and would be described as being about the speed of someone who is trying to pronounce each word distinctly.

candp wrote:
Does he consider himself disabled, or handicapped?

I don’t believe he considers himself disabled, or handicapped. He knows that he has a mild form of cerebral palsy. His running is labored: running awkwardly. When he was in school, and was to copy an outline off the board, he went back to the classroom whenever he could to finish copying what he didn’t get done during class. He could not listen to a teacher’s lesson and copy, or write an outline from what was being said, concurrently. He focuses on one task. I think this is because his work is labored; and needs his attention.

candp wrote:
Does he go out alone much, and if so, where does he go other then the art studio?

The only place he goes alone is to the art studio. It’s not too far; and it’s a small town. He does not want to drive any place else, even when we’re with him. And he would never drive in a city.

candp wrote:
BTW, i was hoping you never told him what the doctor said.

I was able to do this because he gave me power of attorney for discussing his medical condition and needs. I made the appointment with the psychologist for after our son went back to school. All I told my son that the doctor said is that he, our son, answered some questions that even doctors and lawyers don’t answer.

readcar wrote:
As you see, my greatest fear has come unto me: my child’s past, present, and what the psychologist wrote of his future, hurts more than my own.

If you want to know why I feel this way, you will understand after reading my story at http://help.com/post/370346-happiness…

I’m sorry. I was reading what I wrote earlier; that he usually skips March and April. I was wrong; it’s March & October. Correcting my error probably doesn’t make a difference, but I want to explain his condition to the best of my ability.

Cell wrote:
How good is his digital artwork?

Good. Unfortunately good artists work on the side b/c one has to be better than good to support themselves through art.

Cell wrote:
What program does he use? What can he draw? He did well at school.

#1. It’s after 1:30 a.m.; I’ll ask tomorrow. #2. What would you want drawn? He’s currently revising an ant character.
#3. Yes, b/c he follows directions. His problems in math were money, months, time, etc. Not multiplication & division.

Cell wrote:
He can do well at a job and in life if he is pointed in the right direction.

You have heard the saying, “Time heals all wounds.” This is because when one worries, one doesn’t worry about the best that can happen, but the worst that can happen. Since the worst that can happen does not usually come to pass, the wound is healed. Unfortunately, the worst that can happen really does come to pass sometimes.

Cell wrote:
Einstein’s teachers thought he was retarded. He never talked until he was 3 years old and he never wore socks.
So it’s not what people think about you that makes you who you are.

I really don’t know what to write b/c I don’t know if my son is like Einstein. I believe that E had friends, marriage, etc.

Cell wrote:
Is it possible you let him get away with to much? Why should he spend his time watching TV? Find him a job and put him to work.

I try to have him do things whenever possible, even if it’s just to get the mail. And I tell his father, my husband, to have him do things. We cut a tree down tonight; and he was out there helping me drag the branches to a pile while his dad was using the chain saw. Our son could never use a chain saw. Yet I’m sure he could do more, just as I could do more to get my own work done. And I will continue to look for opportunities to put him to work.

you me we wrote:
i was wondering how he is with children?

With mild cerebral palsy, he could not be carrying a child, and he is not around children. I believe that he would be good with children, except as a caretaker because he doesn’t take care of himself well. When he cuts his nails, he doesn’t cut them as short as he can; that I barely notice they’ve been cut. He’s afraid he’s going to cut himself even using clippers.

you me we wrote:
could he be a teacher or tutor?

He has absolutely zero organizational skills, which a teacher needs to prepare lesson plans, etc. I encouraged him to go back to school for his master’s, but it’s too late for the semester. When fall comes, I will encourage him to volunteer for elementary and middle school tutoring, where they come to our home in the evenings/weekends. It could be impossible for him to be driving back & forth to the school. He did a little tutoring for someone that asked him for help in digital art.

you me we wrote:
also- been thinking about what the nuerologist said of him not having a success in life. obviously your son has already been successful (earning his degree, the beautiful poems he writes) i think you are more concerned with him not having a more “normal” life, (friends, work). anyway- my point is i wouldnt buy into what he says.

Many people have a job they only look forward to retiring from it, so not having a job is not what destroys life. You see that my concern is he lacks abilities whereby he is rejected as a friend. He truly needs healed most of all so that he can have real friends, not just someone he knows. He said that he’s homesick. He’s sick of home: I know that he only meant he wants friends to do things with them too. Can you imagine your life if you are rejected as a friend only as a result of conditions that you have since your birth? Yes, when someone dies, it is important that during their lives they had one true love, and the friendships of many. This is what makes life really worth living.

He does some of his digital art (cartoonist) in Blender and then in Maya programs. Cell, it appears that you know more about these programs than I do because I didn’t even remember to answer your question of what program does he use.

I knew Mrs. Einstein was some relation, but I didn’t remember how distant.

Our son has gone off to the art studio for his two hours, so I will have to wait until later to answer about Flash. Good: Unfortunately projects of artists like Andy Warhol would sell over projects of my son. I don’t see people making much effort to buy his work.

cell wrote:
“If he is actually talented in that area I could certainly point you in the right direction to getting him freelance projects.

Our son has absolutely no organizational skills to do freelance projects. And he does not have the money to hire a secretary, or marry one like Einstein did. And I have just heard about avatar and do not know how to do that. I also cannot ask my son for help because I would never want him to see what I have written: it would be like telling him what the psychologist said. And I read something when I signed up that makes me think help.com has copyrights to anything posted on their site. If you know about this, please let me know.

Yes, he lives with us. The psychologist recommended that he live in a group home. The group homes here are halfway houses for drug addicts, etc., and thus living in any of these would be a harm to him, as it would be a harm to many.
You read some of the work on the KJV on your post “I want an IPad.” I originally did this work only for myself because, like you, I want to read a Bible that I can understand. Then putting these together, I thought of offering this work to the public to support a suitable group home for ones that cannot take care of themselves entirely on their own. Ones who need just a little structured support. Unfortunately, we are extremely far from having any money needed to even start this foundation. If you read the post http://help.com/post/370346-happiness…, you will know more of me.

Now back to freelance work for our son: I’m not even sure that I have the ability to help him out when I want to do so. And I certainly don’t even know where to begin. And it is a lifetime commitment after having two heart attacks. And he is more imaginative than talented. I am not saying that he doesn’t have talent, because he does, just that his work is more of what a child would want on his wall. If you look at moo moo’s avatar, I guess that’s what it’s called, on my profile,
this is more of the drawing work that my son does. I did think that he could draw cartoons of Bible chapters, yet there is no enjoyment for him in doing so because he could not satisfy his sense of humor. For example in the whole chapter of Gen 37, he wanted to have Joseph’s brothers chase a kid of the goats with an ax. This is all he could find in this chapter to satisfy his sense of humor, so he went back to working on his ant character. And he never got that far in drawing the cartoons of the chapter. I want to do all that I can think of, and all that I am capable of doing, to help our son.

My son has not really done any drawing in Flash.

I really don’t know what my son’s capabilities are. A few teachers would tell me that he needed help finding the right page in their textbook, etc. And it upset one teacher that he did not take notes while she lectured. I think he did not take notes because he cannot listen to a lecture and concentrate on taking notes at the same time. And we picked up the slack through his years of public school. And he was not inducted into the art honor society until 12th grade, when most of the others were in it by 11th grade. He took the minimum # of classes in college to remain classified as a full-time student.

To post on photobucket, I only want to be sure that I am not giving anyone copyrights to his work. Even Walt Disney gave away copyright of his first character, and said never again.

It appears that one can copy a picture for as long as they want even after you have removed the picture from photobucket? I’m not sure about it, but my son has a site. Is there any way that we can share this information w/o everyone having it?

My son has had his ant character since almost high school. He doesn’t create much new work. He is recently working on recreating his ant character.

I am going to bed for the night. Chat later.

I will try to write you a long email this week.

Does anyone know a site where a person can chat with others without remarks such as calling people jerk, dweeb, etc.?

There are kind people everywhere that they could join together as one. Do you have any suggestions?

We do not live near a major city. I know my son is intelligent. Yet here’s what happened last night: he wanted a chunk of cheese for a snack. He asked for help getting it. I told him he didn’t need help getting a chunk of cheese, but he pulled his dad with him, so his dad said that he would only observe. They go to the kitchen; he gets the cheese from the fridge. It needed cut open for the 1st time, and he asked for help. I said he doesn’t need it, yet while he went to the bathroom, his dad cut it open. I reminded his father that it did not help our son one bit to open the package for him before at least letting him try to open it entirely on his own.

As I wrote above, he was often confused of what page they were on in class. And this past weekend, we cut down a tree. He was helping pick up logs; and we said to put the size logs that dad puts in the fireplace, into the wheelbarrow. He said he doesn’t know what size he should pick up and asked us to point out which logs he was to put in the wheelbarrow.

When we weed the garden, he asks the same question he did when he was young: should he pick this almost each time b4 he picks a weed. Just now, clean clothes were on his bed to put away. My husband and son had sat down to watch TV b4 the clothes were put away. When I went in there, I had to say they need put away b4 watching TV.

We have a younger son who has been on his own since 2005. He shared an apt. with 2 friends Jr. & Sr. years in college. He has had a home since 8/2007.

A mother said her son is unlucky because he has lived in an institution since he was an infant; but that my son is lucky because he doesn’t. I asked when anyone tells her son that he is ignorant, does he understand what they said? She then answered no; it does not make a difference and does not hurt him at all. I said that I am sorry for her son’s condition; and that when anyone tells my son he is ignorant, he understands completely the same as you and I. Yes, words do not break our bones when they break our hearts; yet broken bones and broken hearts really do cause pain.

My son is more advanced in many ways than students in special education classes, yet he is way behind in many ways than students in regular classes.

The places around here are not flexible and do not utilize talents of their individual patrons.

Right now, I’m thinking, my husband will be retiring in four years; and we could try to build a group home for ones who can basically take care of themselves, but need just a little extra support. For residency, patrons would be required to provide recommendations from three of their teachers. I know there are many, such as ones with Down Syndrome,
who will benefit living in such a group home because there are only half-way houses around here. I just don’t know anything about taking on such a large undertaking.

Southern State

Look what up online?

I am expecting this home to be an apartment complex for ones who can basically take care of themselves with just a little extra support. Like having the transit service stop at the home to take residents grocery shopping, to the doctor, etc. And where residents can come to the office if they have any questions. I have the name of the home picked out.

I checked out the site above, and it appears to be more like a nursing home facility.

From my own experiences in foster care, I always wanted to be a foster parent. This is the story on the post listed above. Yet I knew that if anything happened to me, the children would then have no family. So I thought if I had birth children, my birth children would then be siblings to the foster children. And the foster children would not feel so much alone even if they had to move in with other foster parents because it would only be a temporary separation. After working with my son’s condition, I couldn’t take on the responsibility of having more children. The best I could do is be available whenever I saw anyone who needed me. I wrote about my experiences in this on the 12-years old boy’s post that you invited me to make comment. And any time I have seen a post of a foster child on this site, I have written.

My son lived in a dorm room at college, and it was built similar to a motel complex here in the states. This is what I thought would work good as such a facility.

Thank you, poisonflower, for the advice. I will check out the website of wrongplanet.net.

I don’t really believe my son has Aspergers, and I don’t believe the psychologist does either, yet we believe it’s closer to his condition than being diagnosed with ADD. The only symptom of Aspergers is that he is rejected by his peers. He has always been well liked by his elders because he did as he was told as a student; and he laughs with them; but they are more like motherly, than friends. His male history teacher said that my son is the only one that understands his jokes. His male h.s. English teacher said that he needed to be in a higher English class; but when he went to college, he almost failed English Lit. He withdrew from the class first. Then he took it the next semester with a new teacher; and did fine.

Thank you.

Thank you for suggesting wrongplanet again. It appears to be a good site indeed. I have not met anyone that I know of with Asperger Syndrome; I have only read about it. And the only symptom that fits him, is social interaction. I see that he is rejected by his peers only for his condition. Whatever that may be. Life is really miserable without friendships.

My son is extremely lonely b/c he has absolutely no friends as a result of his condition. And I am certainly very far, very far, indeed from knowing everything about him. I am truly working toward his independence.

Alhoo, my friend, I noticed comments on the hope post. Feel free to stop in anytime at my shout page as I would be very glad to chat with you :)

tiinymau5, I have cried over my son’s condition since 1991, and as he got older, I could see the difference between him and his peers more, and more. His being cursed has really broken my spirit for I had expected that if I did right by my son, he would have a better life. Now life is worse than I could have ever imagined as a child.

Thank you for caring enough about me to read about my son. If you want to understand about my own childhood, my story is @ http://help.com/post/370346-happiness…

MandaDarlin’ thank you for your suggestions. I will check with the Autism Society for advice and resources. Of course I would enjoy seeing my son have a career, and most important is that he has friends with whom to share any possible enjoyments in life. Right now he has no friends, and this is very devastating.

RC

Our son definitely wants friends. And he has said throughout the years that he wants friends. He even volunteers at a local art studio b/c he enjoys talking and being with others.

He had friends as a young child, but as they grew older, the differences between him and them became more noticeable. He was liked by most of his teachers a lot. He volunteers at a local art studio. His co-volunteers also like him a lot too, but his teachers, and they, are not his peers to do things, like go the store, go bowling, etc., with them.

Dear Anonymous, thank you for your suggestions.

Anonymous wrote:
contact the State Department as they have special work programs for mentally disabled children.

the State Dept does not have special work programs for ppl who graduated college with a 3.69 gpa; 4.0 being perfect.

Anonymous wrote:
contact Special Olympics Group they are wonderfully supportive.

Our son having cerebral palsy was not diagnosed until he was 4-years old because it is a very mild form that is hardly even noticeable. Special Olympics is wonderfully supportive for ones whose disabilities are certainly noticeable :)

Anonymous wrote:
I have a disabled grand-daughter and she is 12 years of age. She is in regular school but in a special class. The teachers and the school are wonderful and she is very happy going there.

our son was in regular classes, and did well because he worked on his homework until it was done; 3-4 hours a day.
Best Wishes for the success of your grand-daughter :)

Anonymous wrote:
There are from time to time bullies that prey on the mentally challenged but, there will always be these type of people. It is important that she know we all love her and this makes her strong.

our son has also flourished and survived because he knows that we love him.

Anonymous wrote:
I think Readcar you are too protective in the sense that you view the outside world as an extremely threatening place. So much so that you don’t allow your son to enjoy activities new and old without your control. If the slightest thing is presented to you as threathening (by word or deed) you immediately withdraw your son. He will become stronger if he is challenged more.

Except I picked him up after school in 5th grade because standing on the bus is unsafe, he has never been withdrawn from any activities, and has always been encouraged to try new things, which he does.

Anonymous wrote:
I know you love him very much and want to protect him but, that protection can make him reclusive and afraid to reach out to others.

He was in the Nat’l Honor Society in h.s. and tutored a couple of students in computer skills in college. He also volunteers at a local art studio. We cannot and do not want to control his activities, etc.

Anonymous wrote:
I think if your family would go for counseling that it would help all three of you see other options. They, the psychologists have a wealth of information regarding adults with all kinds of problems and will offer tools to help guide him more appropiately.

The psychologist who tested him gave absolutely no information, no tools, no suggestions, and no place to turn, other than our son living in a group home to gain more independence. Then the psychologist said he does not even know of one group home of such that he could recommend. The only group homes he/we know of are like half-way houses.
Our son lived in a dorm room at college, which is set up like a motel room with a mini-stove. He never used the stove, but microwaved meals, and used the toaster. It would be great to find a group home set up as efficiency apartments;
and where any resident who needs minimal advice could ask for help. After 7 hours of testing, the psychologist isn’t
even sure that our son has Asperger’s, but that’s the closest he figures his condition fits as described, and seen.

Anonymous wrote:
Also I would talk to your family to see if there is someone that can help your son if something should happen to you and your husband. Then call your lawyer to setup a trust for him from your estate and also this person as legal guardian in case of your demise.

our son is 26-years old. I asked my mother-in-law for him to stay with her for 1-2 months. At first she said yes, and then she said no. Perhaps she felt obligated at first because we gave her $3,000 when my father-in-law died in Jan; but we gave it with no obligations; and that’s the way it is. My husband’s parents moved from PA to GA without even telling their son, my husband, that they were moving. And my in-laws had long distance in their home calling plan, but never called us. My father-in-law could barely hear, and even less so over the telephone, so it would have been his mother calling.
We even gave them a calling card before they had long distance in their calling plan, and they never called us. I have absolutely no family; but that is another story written in “Happiness is…”

anonymous wrote:
Walt Disney offers a program that if anyone can come up with a new animated figure they will offer them a job. You may want to send some of his art to Walt Disney Studios to see what they say. Good luck to all of you.

Do you have information on this program that could help lead us in the right direction? It would be greatly appreciated :)
Thank you.

Our Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your help. Could you provide the Internet site location for the information that you sent to us? Each section has a great introduction and also has written “click here for more information” that may direct us further.

dear friend,
i appreciate your thoughtfulness and caring advice. Thank you.
RC

countrymusica wrote:
If my son was yours, I would ask if I could volunteer in his class

I volunteered at my son’s school up to high school, which is as long as I could, because parents don’t really volunteer in high schools. I would often pick him up after classes in high school, and met many of his teachers. Most of his teachers cared for him; and sent us mid-term reports to make sure all was as expected. We also went to yearly IEP meetings.

countrymusica wrote:
Take him to a councelor so he has an outlet to pour out his feelings

We took our son to a psychologist, and it was to no benefit. He said our son is very intelligent; that our son answered questions some doctors and lawyers don’t answer, but the counselor also says he feels that our son will not succeed in a career and in life. The counselor had absolutely no suggestions of any way to help our son. He only suggested that our son live in a group home, yet the only ones around here are half-way houses for drug addicts, alcoholics, etc. Any home like these would be detrimental to our son.

countrymusica wrote:
my grandson was a little like your son, he is graduating from college

Our son graduated from college last year with a digital media degree (cartoonist). His GPA was 3.69 out of a 4.0 basis.

countrymusica wrote:
Whatever, just love him forever

Our son knows that we love him. Thank you for your reply. Bonnie Lee, Best Wishes to your grandson :)

Cell, thank you for the update. I don’t know what he’ll do. Hearing so much about other ppl not having jobs right now, our son is not discouraged yet.

our youngest son (25) is off with 2 friends right now, after he and they went to a wedding of another friend.

our oldest son (26) is alone in his room right now. he went to volunteer today as a greeter at a local art studio. he has nothing else to do any ways right now.

when our oldest son was young, i introduced a mother and son that i knew to another mother and son i knew. then when they all signed up for t-ball, the mother wanted her son and the other boy on the same team, but our son was not included because he has a mild case of cerebral and cannot run very fast. t-ball doesn’t even keep scores. when our son was older, and they had a field day at school, our son was excluded as a partner. when our son was older and was initiated into the national honor society, a boy that i had watched for three summers and during the school year as need and we also took on vacation with us, was initiated that same day. his mother didn’t have a camera, and asked to borrow mine to take pictures of her son and a friend. our son was not wanted in any pictures at all. when our son was older, he roomed with a friend of his brother’s, and his roommate and him were in the same course of study, and they talked together a lot. our son even helped him in doing some course work. they’re only a year apart in age. and his roommate and him converse by email. our oldest son initiates the conversations regularly. when his roommate came home to visit for the holidays, he did not contact our oldest son once, but he did go to our youngest son’s house, and they went out bowling. life is like a nightmare that i can’t awaken from. it’s treatment that our oldest son gets that has destroyed our lives, rips my heart apart, and makes me cry even as i type this :(

kyle, our son is well liked at the art studio, but they are not his friends. most of the workers are old enough to be his grandparent, and they are motherly and fatherly toward him. and they treat him as a child, which he appears to be, and he appreciates their kindness, and their words of praise. to some extent, i understand how his peers treat him, but it doesn’t make it right, and it doesn’t make it not hurt, and it doesn’t make it not break our hearts. if only i could change our son, but i cannot change a rabbit into a squirrel. i see nothing that i can do. i go to sleep about 2:30 a.m. and get up about 7:30-8:00 a.m. because i can’t sleep much. i’ve already had two heart attacks.

kyle, what happened to your friend? the one you wrote was the smartest kid in the WORLD? our son graduated with a 3.69 gpa out of the highest as 4.0. the psychologist said that our son is very intelligent, even answered questions that some doctors and lawyers don’t answer, but also wrote that he does not believe our son will be successful in a career and in life. this isn’t the way life is suppose to be.

and kyle, we have gone on many trips. grand canyon, mount rushmore, yellowstone park. we also used to take other kids to amusement parks, and water parks, with us to encourage friendships. when they got their own driver’s license, that stopped. and we were older when we had our son, so he may have to live a long time without knowing he is loved.

I is what I is,

Thank you very much for caring. Your comments mean a lot.

I could tell Christmas morning 2007, that our son was saddened. Then he told us that his dream had been to have a girlfriend make him pancakes. The situation hasn’t changed even though he’s met many add’l young people since then.

We were at an open house Sunday afternoon where he volunteers, and our son was asked his age. He answered 26. Then the elderly woman spoke of marriage, and finding the right girl, and giving us grandchildren. My son doesn’t even have a friend, and never had a girl friend, so you can imagine the pain within his heart and memory. Same thing with fortune cookies, Dove candy wrappers, yogurt lids, etc, having such sayings about love and friendships as “Your friend will surprise you soon,” and many others. There are just so many things around us almost every day that make us desperately long for love and friendships.

That’s great life is better for him. He deserves to be happy :)

As you wrote–I’m the Happiest when things go the way I had hoped. When I was born, I was born to unfit birth parents, and we were also poor that we ate outdated potato chips and cheese puffs discarded at the dump. Then I was taken from my birth parents. And even though I asked God for decent parents, I never had any. I was out of high school 5 years b4 I married. After we paid off my husband’s 5-years college loan, we planned to have a child. But instead, a miscarriage, and another. “Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product,” said Eleanor Roosevelt, because the best things in life are free by-products of the gifts/blessings from God.

he’s Reese. Thank you :)

Anonymous wrote:
Some people should have to get a license to have a child. I mean you have to get a license to drive a car, to fish, etc. Having a child should be rated as a top responsibility however, there are a lot of people who aren’t parent material.

It makes me mad to read how some people are so mistreated. I can only say, coming from that environment myself that life does get better as time goes on. While money will always be a problem, love can survive through many obstacles. At least with bad parents we know how not to be and we can give love to our children when we bring them into the world. Good luck to you griffin195.

You are all so caring. Best Wishes for a Happy New Year.

Here’s the code for a graphic I would like to show: img src=”http://content.pyzam.com/graphics/3/BChang0114.gif” >
All you have to do is copy it, and paste it into a shoutbox; then here’s the important part: at the beginning, remove the space between and img, and at the end, the space between gif” and > Now ready to click send.

For some reason, the arrow pointing to the left is not shown above before img src. It showed up in the preview, but not when sent. It is a real cute little graphic :)

P.S. I pasted the code in my shoutbox as it should have been above: with the arrow pointed to the left. That way, if there are any problems, the code is there, and so is the graphic to enjoy :)

I just can’t take this pain. Our son has gained 10# since he finished college, and his dad jokingly said that he’d have to go on Biggest Loser. Our son then asked “Which one?” because…..

As you see, this is unbearable for each of us.

Our son is almost 27, and he wants at least friends he can call, who come by to visit, or calls him to come to their house, or to go to a movie with them, etc. It’s great that your daughter and your couple of family members, have found several friends having many things in common with their conditions.

When our children were in 4th grade, there was a lady who said we are lucky because our son lives with us. Her son is considered a vegetable living in an institution. But then she saw that she is lucky because it doesn’t hurt her son in any way when someone tells him that he is stupid, and besides, there were children all around him who are also like him.

aem7kcm, thank you for your suggestions. Our son is now 27. Being human, he needs human companionship that he can go with to the movies, to hang out, etc. Of course there are worse lives, but doesn’t make life any happier knowing it, because we do not want such pain and sorrows for anyone else either.

I really hate that JelllyBeans-1 account was not verified, thus deactivated, because her sister and my son appear to be so much alike that I had hoped they could have become friends. I hope she comes back here again :)

My son is mild mannered. Can you think of any online games that might be for him? He plays Mario Kart, Donkey Kong, and such games that aren’t bloody.

My son donates blood. Last year in March, the blood bank was given two tickets for a sporting event nearby. Our son won the drawing, two tickets. He’s not into sporting events. The two tickets were sold for a total of $90. We added the difference, not telling him, and he bought the Wii with the money. It’s lots of fun. I basically play just the bowling with them. They haven’t played the active games much lately, but we need to do so. He does pretty good with the tennis games against his father, and the boxing is fun for them too :)

We have heard of pokemon b4, but only a TV commercial for the cartoon. We never watched it. My son was into Ninja Turtles. And we’ve never heard of wizard 101. After tax season, I’ll suggest that he checks into them. Thank you.

The psychologist feels that our son may have autism. He really doesn’t have experience with autism, so he’s not sure about it. Are your children high-functioning autistics?

Would you describe some of your daughter’s symptoms, to possibly relate them with our son’s symptoms? I know of a few children diagnosed with autism, but their symptoms don’t seem anything like our son’s.