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So, what’s on your shoulders?

hey dear
*hugs*
i’m here to listen
you okay?..what do you want to talk about? feel free to say anything

Let us know whats on your mind

so rant as much as you need to
let’s take it step by step
what bothers you the most?

be more specific . .

Rant, about each one at a time, its good to rant and get it out..

BlackGrimReaper wrote:
The most.. uhm okay so a few months back my mom took full custody of me because she couldnt handle seeing me live with my dad anymore, so he promised he would go to rehab and call me everyday, i havent seen him for almost half a year and i was at his place last week when i saw that he had been drinking/doing drugs more than normal, and i know that he’s gonna die soon because its just.. such a massive amount. I recently discovered when going through my brothers room (i was only looking for a pack of cigs) that he had a **** load of alcohol in his room, more than enough to get wasted everyday for like a year. im just worried that he’s gonna become like dad, and i feel like such a hypocrite because ive been drinking everyday for the last week and just feeling **** tbh.

okay..so you saw what alcohol makes to people..and you are worried about your brother for drinking so you should be worried about yourself too
don’t drink please..at it may seem it is just a temporary solution for a long therm problem..it’s not worth it..especially because you’re way too young..
now about your brother..do you have a close relation with him? if so than can’t you talk to him? i know people don’t really like to see their brother so worried about them ..but still try to talk to him

We are all scared we turn out like our parents in someway or other and usually end up the same because of it.

You burry yourself in a bottle of Jack because it makes you forget the pain for a while but the hangover hits like a ton of bricks and all of a sudden everything is worse so you do it again.. viscious cycle.. isn’t easy to break but you have to find what good you have and work on what you want for yourself and for others

Perhaps the alcohol isn’t all just for your brother and you should try talking to him, about yourself too and let him know you are worried about your dad?

Talking is the first step in turning this around.

Patience, Clarity, Prosperity.

The family, addiction, school and love problems when looked at together would be quite overwhelming. Best to separate these out and tackle them individually if you can.

Ironically they may all be connected. Addiction can lead to school, love and family problems. Stress related to family issues, love issues or school issues can lead to addiction.

They all deal with choices. All choices are connected to all other choices in the past, present and future.

how about you try talking to him about yourself and not about him, could lead to him opening up?

I think if he is drinking like that then is because he does care and doesnt know how to deal with it, much like yourself…? You really could help one another but you have to try talking with him one way or another

Addiction to alcohol has been proven to be something you can inherit from your parent’s genes.

A bias toward alcohol in this way means its a larger challenge to overcome but can be controlled.

http://www.aa.org/
Alcoholics Anonymous - FYI

How would he have to find that out? Dont tell him you took from him, if he asks where you got it from tell him elsewhere…

Dont admit to knowing about his stash, just tell him you have problems you want to talk about and wait for him to open up?

Find an excuse to speak to him about anything, something you have in common, build it up through a common interest. Try getting to know one another better? Hang out, do something… Cinema, games, sport or something

BlackGrimReaper wrote:

friendlyheart wrote:

BlackGrimReaper wrote:
The most.. uhm okay so a few months back my mom took full custody of me because she couldnt handle seeing me live with my dad anymore, so he promised he would go to rehab and call me everyday, i havent seen him for almost half a year and i was at his place last week when i saw that he had been drinking/doing drugs more than normal, and i know that he’s gonna die soon because its just.. such a massive amount. I recently discovered when going through my brothers room (i was only looking for a pack of cigs) that he had a **** load of alcohol in his room, more than enough to get wasted everyday for like a year. im just worried that he’s gonna become like dad, and i feel like such a hypocrite because ive been drinking everyday for the last week and just feeling **** tbh.

okay..so you saw what alcohol makes to people..and you are worried about your brother for drinking so you should be worried about yourself too
don’t drink please..at it may seem it is just a temporary solution for a long therm problem..it’s not worth it..especially because you’re way too young..
now about your brother..do you have a close relation with him? if so than can’t you talk to him? i know people don’t really like to see their brother so worried about them ..but still try to talk to him

My brother doesn’t really speak alot.. he had a really rough childhood that messed him up quite a bit. he never opens up to any1 and ive never really seen him smile. so i know why he wud drink that much. so i cant really speak to him about it tbh because he would jst ignore me.

yeah i was afraid about that
well i guess the most you can do is to talk to him even if he seems like ignoring what you say he will still think of it i’m sure
just try to show him you care and he can count on you
you can even be a little harsh..saying that you love him enough to respect his decision..you are able to be there for him to help him out of this..but you are also able to stay near his grave if he kills himself by drinking..it’s up to him..sometimes you need to be really realistic to make others see how serious the thing is

BlackGrimReaper wrote:

Jolly Delta Charger wrote:
Addiction to alcohol has been proven to be something you can inherit from your parent’s genes.

A bias toward alcohol in this way means its a larger challenge to overcome but can be controlled.

Yea thats what im worried about, my grandparents are both alcoholics, my dad and his sister are, now my brother is, im the only one left and the only reason im not is probably cuz im only 15..

Knowing is half the battle.
(sorry I’m quoting GI JOE)

Alcoholism is also a learned behavior. Your father learned it by exposure to your grandfather. The cycle can be broken. Having it in your family heritage does not guarantee that you will become alcoholic. Its something to watch out for.

It’s like being allergic to strawberries or peanuts. Your friends may have no problem eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and may even put pressure on you to eat it. It’s all a matter of choice.

BlackGrimReaper wrote:

Jolly Delta Charger wrote:
Addiction to alcohol has been proven to be something you can inherit from your parent’s genes.

A bias toward alcohol in this way means its a larger challenge to overcome but can be controlled.

Yea thats what im worried about, my grandparents are both alcoholics, my dad and his sister are, now my brother is, im the only one left and the only reason im not is probably cuz im only 15..

it depends on you..
my grandfathers were alcoholics, my dad was..
and yet i saw what alcohol can cause and i’m on the way that i don’t ever drink at all…
i’m not sure why..maybe because i’m afraid i might get addicted..maybe because it hurts way too much to think of those memories which it would bring
you need to focus on yourself..and have will power

He is your brother and deep down I think he would be grateful to know you are there for him, age doesnt matter when it comes to family

15 year old with alcoholism in the family…

is not a great way to start out but this can be overcome.

Try again, if will power is what you lack then dont give up on things like your brother so easy, if you keep trying you will get there in the end

will power is something you can always work on
you are here..asking for help..that’s already a sign of having will power..isn’t it? you want this to change
and we do our best to help you figure out a way to change things
we are here to support you no matter what decision you take

Sobering up once you have gone as far as your Dad has is difficult but not imposible. My father drank himself to death although he tried sobriety and succeded for a year and a half. I tried to help but you can not help someone who does not want to stop. The best thing you can do is get on with your life, help where you can, especially if he asks for it but let him get on with his life if he does not want help. It may sound harsh but after years of dealing with my father I can now see how hopless it all was. Should you see him ask him if he wants help, take him to the doctors if that is what he wants, to an alcaholics annoymous meeting but if he does not want help do not feel guilty about getting on with your life. I had no idea how much I loved my father untill he died because we had such a difficult relationship. His death though was the begining of my life as I got into sobriety myself knowing there will be no happy ending for me if I did not stop drinking myself.

What concerns me more is your drinking. It is a way to squash your feelings down. Reaching out like you have in your shout is the way to deal with your feelings. Talking about your worries, fears and difficulties, making yourself vunerable to others is the way to grow as a person, to work through your issues rather than going around them by drinking. Trust me I know, I avoided every feeling I had for so many years! I truly was an expert.

I did not want to be like my Dad when I was growing up but I ended up just like him as I was not taught any life skills on how to deal with things so I took the path of least resistance. Also I did not know I had an allergy to alcahol and an addictive nature.

Do you find when you have a drink you want to then drink your fill? or are you comfortable stopping after one or two? If you are finding that you want to drink untill you feel good and drunk or pass out then you may be an alcaholic yourself. You are never to young to go to your first alcaholic annoymous meeting and they will be able to teach you the life skills required to live a sober life. There are no answers at the bottom of a bottle (some one once told me this in my drinking days but I thought he just was not trying hard enough!) so the sooner you deal with this the better your life will be. Any questions?

the worst thing people can do is judge
i never do that..cause i know how it is when people judge you..
i think that everyone deserves to be helped no matter in what kind of situation they are in
and another thing..i consider everyone good as long as they don’t prove the contrary of it
so you can always count on me
you’re just welcome dear

BlackGrimReaper wrote:

Well i only drink to pass out/on the verge of. and about going to AA.. that would mean having to tell my mom ive been drinking for quite some time.. she would be devastated, and i dont want to do that to her.

She may already know but has been in denial about it.
It would be better for you to tell her that you have a problem and that you are trying to overcome it then for her to find out on her own.

BlackGrimReaper wrote:

friendlyheart wrote:
the worst thing people can do is judge
i never do that..cause i know how it is when people judge you..
i think that everyone deserves to be helped no matter in what kind of situation they are in
and another thing..i consider everyone good as long as they don’t prove the contrary of it
so you can always count on me
you’re just welcome dear

Thank you again, ur such a kind person. I wish there were more people like u around me.

And is there any1 who would bother listening to another rant? not trying to sound greedy or anything i just thought i would get it out if any1 cares to listen.

well i can give you my e-mail address if you’d like so when i’m not on help you can still write a rant to me as well and i’ll reply as soon as possible

as for now i’m here to listen to your upcoming rants:)

Even as a wife of an alcoholic she might get some benefit by going to AA. It could be something you do together.

The “judging” you have been experiencing may be the person’s own self-esteem issues being thrust outward to the world. You have to find the eye of the storm you are in.

BlackGrimReaper wrote:

friendlyheart wrote:

BlackGrimReaper wrote:

friendlyheart wrote:
the worst thing people can do is judge
i never do that..cause i know how it is when people judge you..
i think that everyone deserves to be helped no matter in what kind of situation they are in
and another thing..i consider everyone good as long as they don’t prove the contrary of it
so you can always count on me
you’re just welcome dear

Thank you again, ur such a kind person. I wish there were more people like u around me.

And is there any1 who would bother listening to another rant? not trying to sound greedy or anything i just thought i would get it out if any1 cares to listen.

well i can give you my e-mail address if you’d like so when i’m not on help you can still write a rant to me as well and i’ll reply as soon as possible

as for now i’m here to listen to your upcoming rants:)

Really? that would be great but i wouldnt want to put it all on u though, not really the kind of person u would want to talk to is it =P

i left you a shout

ok fair enough. I was scared to admit to people that I was drinking as much as I was, yes to spare their feeling but also I knew I did not want to loose the freedom from my concerns alcahol seemed to bring me. Your Mum would rather you were dealing with your problems than continuing to drink, I know my mum would. She may be angry at first but she would get over this once she saw you dealing with it.

The other alternative is to just stop drinking yourself. You will not have formed a dependence on it by now. So long as you understand alcahol is not a solution then by not drinking or engaging in addictive behaviours you will be more motivated to find ways of dealing with life on lifes terms. I have to go out now but I will email again later with some more thoughts if that is ok.

BlackGrimReaper wrote:

Jolly Delta Charger wrote:
Even as a wife of an alcoholic she might get some benefit by going to AA. It could be something you do together.

The “judging” you have been experiencing may be the person’s own self-esteem issues being thrust outward to the world. You have to find the eye of the storm you are in.

Thing is she’s finally over him, found a new boyfriend and started a new life. and shes actually happy for once. why would i ruin that for her.. what right do i have to take her happiness away

You may be underestimating the love she has for you.

Okay you can start down that road to recovery and improving your life for the better on your own. Friends and family can help. At some point you and her should discuss this. She might take it better if you tell her the steps you have been taking such as AA meetings.

Here’s a specific pamphlet from their site.

I don’t think there is an age restriction.
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/catalog.cfm…

If you ever need to talk just tell me.. I’m near your age (16) and have been through a lot as well. But, I mostly came to say that I am very happy that you have decided to “talk” to someone instead of hurting yourself… so your smart enough and are trying to reach out for ways to cope instead of doing something you’ll regret. I wish the best to you. :) And like I said, I’m here if you need someone to talk to.