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kind of, is she nice most of the time, is she only mean when she loses her temper?

flautademariposabri wrote:
kind of, is she nice most of the time, is she only mean when she loses her temper?

Well she never cares about how I feel and I can never talk to her. She just shuts me out. She is nice most of the time I guess though. She does make fun of me sometimes and she can really scare me. But I guess most of the time she’s nice.

I would say so. Even if she’s mad, she has no right to tell you those things. They are not true. I would suggest telling her that the things she is saying to you aren’t nice and aren’t fair, and suggesting to her that she take a parenting class.

well if she isnt always treating you like this then its not always abuse. but you should talk to your mom and tell her how YOU feel, i dont know how you can do that. Go for a walk, icecream a walk inthe park

There is no way for me to talk to her. I’ve tried and she just tells me I’m being stupid for feeling like that. She shuts me out and doesn’t want to accept that she is hurting me. She thinks that everyone in the world should be like her and ‘get over things’ in the same moment that they happen.

Is your mom bipolar? It almost sounds it. You should probably seek some counseling for it though because it will mess with you emotionally because those are just things you shouldn’t say to your kids.
You mentioned she said that she didn’t care if you killed yourself did you happen to say anything to trigger that? Like she wishes you were dead or you were thinking of suicide?
I’m just curious if we’re getting the whole side of the story or if it’s really this way. I mean how do you behave? Are you well behaved or a bit of a rebellious child?
I was rebellious and I know I pushed my mother to the breaking point a few times where she threw me out of the house told me never to come back she sometimes wishes I wasn’t born stuff like that.
If you don’t do anything though and she has these random outbursts sometimes like this you might need to suggest she seek some sort of help because it’s not right. I’ve had to seek help myself because I’ve actually lost my temper to the point where I wanted to tell my child to go away and never come back and I felt like the most awful person in the world just for thinking it. She’s too young to understand what I mean if I said it but one day she’ll understand and I would just feel horrible saying that to her. There’s nothing wrong with speaking to someone about a problem like this either.

take her to a doctor, she needs help. or does she have any health problems, is on medication? those might contribute

i have been abused both emotionally and physically so yes id say so. I don’t think you are only being emotionally but physically too.

it is absolutely impossible to tell that from what you have just said. youve given one vague side of the story, and we have not heard your mothers explanation, so to say it is abuse or not is incorrect.
you may well have a contentious relationship, but then most teenagers do with their parents, and I find it very hard to believe these things happen with no incitement from you, we’ve all been teenagers and know how tempestuous they can be.

Anonymous wrote:
Is your mom bipolar? It almost sounds it. You should probably seek some counseling for it though because it will mess with you emotionally because those are just things you shouldn’t say to your kids.
You mentioned she said that she didn’t care if you killed yourself did you happen to say anything to trigger that? Like she wishes you were dead or you were thinking of suicide?
I’m just curious if we’re getting the whole side of the story or if it’s really this way. I mean how do you behave? Are you well behaved or a bit of a rebellious child?
I was rebellious and I know I pushed my mother to the breaking point a few times where she threw me out of the house told me never to come back she sometimes wishes I wasn’t born stuff like that.
If you don’t do anything though and she has these random outbursts sometimes like this you might need to suggest she seek some sort of help because it’s not right. I’ve had to seek help myself because I’ve actually lost my temper to the point where I wanted to tell my child to go away and never come back and I felt like the most awful person in the world just for thinking it. She’s too young to understand what I mean if I said it but one day she’ll understand and I would just feel horrible saying that to her. There’s nothing wrong with speaking to someone about a problem like this either.

I have never said anything to her to trigger it. I am very well behaved. I get straight A’s and I’m the star hockey player on my team. A lot of my teachers and adults say that I am like the perfect kid. I would never try to trigger it. It gets too bad. I don’t think she’s bipolar but I did talk to someone about it and they mentioned depression might be causing it.

yes she is. a parent should never say those things to their child. ever. even if she only says them when she is mad, it is still abuse. it sounds like she needs anger management or something.

flautademariposabri wrote:
take her to a doctor, she needs help. or does she have any health problems, is on medication? those might contribute

She’s on 4 different meds. Plus she takes a lot of tylenol.

hmmm…. take her to doctor

courtybubble wrote:
it is absolutely impossible to tell that from what you have just said. youve given one vague side of the story, and we have not heard your mothers explanation, so to say it is abuse or not is incorrect.
you may well have a contentious relationship, but then most teenagers do with their parents, and I find it very hard to believe these things happen with no incitement from you, we’ve all been teenagers and know how tempestuous they can be.

I have never said or done anything to her to make her do this. She has done this my whole life and I’ve learned to not say or do anything.

Yes I can agree that depression may be causing it as well. Why would your mother be depressed though? Is your father around? If so why doesn’t he do anything about it? If not and it’s just you two then that might be the problem, she’s depressed due to being alone and feeling betrayed herself because she’s alone.

any sudden deaths? a family member or friend is ill?

Anonymous wrote:
Yes I can agree that depression may be causing it as well. Why would your mother be depressed though? Is your father around? If so why doesn’t he do anything about it? If not and it’s just you two then that might be the problem, she’s depressed due to being alone and feeling betrayed herself because she’s alone.

My parents have been divorced since I was one. I don’t think it’s loneliness but she’s on a lot of medications that might be causing it.

flautademariposabri wrote:
any sudden deaths? a family member or friend is ill?

Nope she’s been doing this my whole life.

She is being mentally abusive A parent should never talk to a child like that. That’s just horrible. Doesn’t matter how you behave, sure a mom can lose it we all do and even if you are the worse kid on the planet she went to far.

Well see what meds she’s on yeah it’s sort of an invasion of your mom’s privacy but look up what the side effects are of them. If any of the side effects fit what your mom seems to be going through then step up and call her physician. Let them know these are the side effects your mother is experiencing and you know because you are the one she is taking them out on.

from what youve said on your other posts, life is far from perfect for you, your mother or your father. depression and anxiety issues can run very strongly in families, and it would seem that your mother simply doesnt have the coping skills to deal with them properly.
id suggest you encourage her to get some therapy, or try some family counseling through your school guidance counselor.

courtybubble wrote:
from what youve said on your other posts, life is far from perfect for you, your mother or your father. depression and anxiety issues can run very strongly in families, and it would seem that your mother simply doesnt have the coping skills to deal with them properly.
id suggest you encourage her to get some therapy, or try some family counseling through your school guidance counselor.

Yeah, life is hard. I guess that’s a good idea.

Yes, this is emotional abuse. No one deserves to be told those things. Ever- even if you were being rebellious. Those things are not true. Your life matters deeply. You deserve to have your thoughts and feelings cared about - especially by your mom. They matter. You deserve to be loved for more than your outer appearance because you are far deeper and far more valuable than that. Don’t believe her negative words when you know they’re not constructive.

But don’t be angry back at her either. She has a temper and she says these things because she’s been hurt, too - maybe by her parents, maybe others. If you can talk to her, you should tell her how she makes you feel - scared, alone, unloved. She may not realize what she’s doing to you because it’s the way she’s been treated. See if you can go talk to a counselor together.

If it’s hard to talk to her, and she’s just not listening, one way to get her attention would be to video tape what she says when she’s in one of those moods, and when she’s in a better mood, show it to her.

MANY people don’t realise the things they are saying when they’re angry and upset. Seeing it from the outside is often surprising to them.

After you have her attention, maybe then she’ll be more open to talking with you and possibly seeking help.

That sounds exactly like somebody I knew who had a tumor in their temporal lobe making their temperment and judgement very random and sometimes seem abusive.

When was the last time she ever had an MRI scan of her brain? Would it be possible that she could have a head or brain injury or brain cancer?

Airkeeper wrote:
If it’s hard to talk to her, and she’s just not listening, one way to get her attention would be to video tape what she says when she’s in one of those moods, and when she’s in a better mood, show it to her.

MANY people don’t realise the things they are saying when they’re angry and upset. Seeing it from the outside is often surprising to them.

After you have her attention, maybe then she’ll be more open to talking with you and possibly seeking help.

If it’s something beyond her control like brain atrophy or neurological dissorder, making her aware of her treatment of family members could also make her very depressed or even suicidal. I’m not saying it may not work or that there might not be other possibilities, just wondering how a person might feel if they weren’t aware of their more abusive eppisodes, then all the guilt and shock of actually seeing it and then feeling they aren’t good enough or that it’s all their fault. It may be a good idea to rule out the neurological possibilities before doing something like that.

ChaosZen wrote:

Airkeeper wrote:
If it’s hard to talk to her, and she’s just not listening, one way to get her attention would be to video tape what she says when she’s in one of those moods, and when she’s in a better mood, show it to her.

MANY people don’t realise the things they are saying when they’re angry and upset. Seeing it from the outside is often surprising to them.

After you have her attention, maybe then she’ll be more open to talking with you and possibly seeking help.

If it’s something beyond her control like brain atrophy or neurological dissorder, making her aware of her treatment of family members could also make her very depressed or even suicidal. I’m not saying it may not work or that there might not be other possibilities, just wondering how a person might feel if they weren’t aware of their more abusive eppisodes, then all the guilt and shock of actually seeing it and then feeling they aren’t good enough or that it’s all their fault. It may be a good idea to rule out the neurological possibilities before doing something like that.

Hadn’t thought of that. It’s hard to say though, as how can you get someone medical attention if they don’t want to talk about anything?

I’d say this is definitely emotional abuse, and it’s made even more difficult for you by a “random” occurence (ie. not knowing when and what will trigger it). It will possibly cause you to question what you’re doing, and if something is wrong with you. Books like “Trauma Though a Child’s Eyes” will help give you an idea into the effects of this, depending upon when it started. A good psychdynamic counsellor may be of good help

No, I haven’t found anything else out. I’ve actually forgotten about this. I did talk to my mom about it and she apologized. I mean she still freaks out and stuff but not as often. Just try talking to her.