i kinda feel like i’m not the real me?
i feel like i am a fun, outgoing person on the inside, but often times i come off as stoic and boring……like sometimes when i hear myself talk i feel as if “wtf, this isn’t the real me”. I was a real “crazy”, class clown” type when i first came into high school, but now, coming into my 2nd year in college, im much more quiet and boring, for a reason i really can’t point out. Things started really going downhill socially for me after junior year of HS; i’m not sure if i was “depressed” or what. i moved away after high school and im attending junior college right now, (im actually going to a new JC this year). So this makes it even suckier….
anyway, it’s kind of frustrating that the person I come off as and the person I think I am are two different things….it sucks tbh, i feel like the “real me” is trying to escape but can’t…..has anyone else experienced something like this?
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Yeah…I’m experiencing something like that right now. I have not figured out how to overcome it yet myself.
its sadly normal, we all conform, its normal to be boring, we want to draw no unwated attenchion to oursleves. just find friends you can be the real you with, it takes time yess, but its well worth it.
i seriously dont think its normal…..i pretty much drifted away from everyone i knew by the end of Jr year…i didnt see that happening to many other kids in HS.
maybe it was because of my peer group. they turned out to be real fake and sketchy.
we are the mask we whare, be that good or bad, its true. the peers related with you, till the lost intrist. and more often than not you see the people who saty togheter not the ones that sperate. if we are all the same, how can you tell one for other. its hard to grasp and acept i know, but after staring at the same crowd for years now. its how i see it. it may be compleatlly wrong
Who you are today is not who you were yesterday.
Who you are today is not who you will be tomorrow.
Do you think a loss of friends and the pressure to form new friends in Junior year affected you?
probably. all my friends transferred out or got expelled by junior year, and i went through a real awkward phase of trying to find a new peer group. that sucked big time, lol.
This may sound crazy, but I know EXACTLY what you are going through. It almost feels like there are two different sides to you or that you have two different personalities. You’re torn apart in a way. Sometimes I think it feels like your mind, heart, or soul (whatever it is) is conflicting between who you are or becoming, and who you used to and want to be now.
I used to be really out-going, energetic, funny, a happy-go-lucky type of person, much like you described your high school self,and that was how everyone knew me as and I was happy, but then my parents got a divorce and my outlook on life completely altered and so did I. My whole life as I knew it was gone and everything changed for me. The problem was that everyone else stayed the same.
I became depressed with moving to a new house and realizing that certain members of my family were not the people I thought they were. The person who was supposed to be my best friend at the time was showing little support and I became distant from her for it. Her excuse for not “being there for me” was that I had “changed”. This was obvious. I knew I wasn’t the same person I used to be and that resolution was even more depressing but I was more angry at other people than at myself. When I was static or seemed more quiet, or even depressed around people, they kept saying “But you’re always so happy.” I told people to “WAKE UP! There is more to me than being funny, or just plain happy!”. They knew that my parents had split, but it was as though people were expecting me to be the same after a “life changing” event. It’s not something you “get over”. I was mad at people because it felt like nobody wanted to help or wanted to UNDERSTAND what I was going through. I think most of them were waiting for me to “go back to who I used to be”. There are probably some right now still waiting, but the truth is that I never will. Sometimes, to this day, I act happy and crack a couple jokes around people but it’s just to make them happy. I wanted to please others instead of showing them my actual self behind the cheerful mask.
Even though I’m not the same person anymore, I feel like I learned a lot more about myself and the people in the world around me. Hell, I learned more about the world in general. I see things through a whole different perspective. I’m no longer naive about the things I used to be, I think differently about everything, I keep a closer eye on the people around me (meaning I try to see who they REALLY are and how they fit into my life) and above all, I found out who I TRUELY am. I found out that there was more to me than being funny, out-going, energetic, and just “being happy” or cheerful. I don’t regret the divorce. In a way, I think it made me a better person. Sometimes, I wish I could go back but I don’t at the same time because I don’t want to go back and live without knowing what I do now. I don’t want to live like how I used to, like a child where I believed that everything was good, and that everyone was nice. I feel like I have a better understanding of the world and have some more knowledge about life and I’m thankful for that.
I don’t want to pretend with people but it happens involuntarily sometimes, like it’s a reflex when I’m near people. There are some close friends that I have told the entire story about and my feelings so they now understand. I just wish more peope were like that, who want to understand instead of just shoving things aside and hoping things will change when I know they won’t.
Don’t worry, I love the new me. I love who I am now and I’m glad I’m no longer the person I used to be because (this is where the moral of my story comes in so get ready) I have learned that I am still that old person, but only an upgraded version. I find myself goofing off, laughing, being out-going, and energetic, but only now with the things I have discovered about myself. I realized that I’m not just that out-going person, but I’m also many more things. Know that you are not just that boring or stoic person and that person you once were in High School is still in you now. Labels are for fake people because nobody is just “One thing” so don’t feel like you are just one personality.
You were probably expecting some really short response but when I read your post I couldn’t help but to relive this moment in my life. I sometimes think about if this is the person I’m supposed to be and I know it is. I think we always find ourselves trying to categorize into groups to feel a sense of belonging somewhere but that’s just putting labels on our uniqueness. Just remember that you can be whoever you want to be and there is probably more details to your problem not specified in your post but I hope my response is somewhat helpful. Events will happen and change you, but you can choose to change your life too. You change your life, you change yourself. I know it’s not that simple, but it’s a thought. :)
Haha wow…that is a rreally great story. I’m glad you feel better now, and I can kinda relate to your story…even though I was more sociable back then, I probably would have wanted to slap myself if I came across the “old” me…I was honestly pretty immature back then,, maybe growing apart from those friends and stuff iss just me maturing..,,they’re all still smoking the same blunts and drinking the same 40s and not dooing much of anything lol…
.sometimes it feels as if the “purgatory” I’m in now is lasting for a long time though…….honestly thiis is a pretty awkward stage and I’m hopiing it ends soon…did you feel like you were in a “rut” too?
An Undisclosed Location | 3 years, 5 months ago (23 hours, 53 minutes after post)
Patience, Clarity, Prosperity.
Patience to endure as choices made on your behalf run their course and subside like waves crashing on a shore. Patience to find that inner calm so you can reflect like a clear and still lake. With patience will come clarity to see the impact of past choices and the paths ahead. With patience and clarity you can find the prosperity you seek.
I feel like my voice controlls the way I interact with people, I feel like my voice is softer and more girly then beforewhen it was deeper and had more swag ha like it was me and had slangg in my words. I just want myself to be able to take control of the party and be the guythat can make friends so easy. Now I just sit there and act cool threw my body language and just act like the **** untill I gotta talk then everyone sees mee as a lame and try to walk all over me. I’m not lame I know a lot about a lot of things but now I can’t think of anything but my voice, all I do is say things like ****, hell yeah, and that’s wats up. Does anyone kno what’s wrong with me helpp please. I feel like I’m loosing my respect and my friends,
I’m going through that right now. (I’m a sophomore in high school.)I used to be so outgoing. Especially last year. I always had soooo much fun doing anything, and I was loud and outgoing and “crazy” as people described me. I had so many friends and everyone loved me and everything was just all fine and dandy and awesome. But this year, I feel like I’m the complete opposite. I’m quiet, shy, I feel like I’ve lost alot of my friends because of how I am now, and I feel like not only am I not fun anymore, but I also feel like I CAN’T HAVE fun anymore. I try to, and I just never have fun. I hate it so much because really my personality has always been the only thing I really liked about myself, and now that I’ve like… Changed… And have ABSOLUTELLYYYY NO IDEA WHY, literally I have no idea what happened or WHY or HOW it was like I just changed over night. But ever since I changed I’m just not happy anymore. I want to be my old self again, but I don’t know how.
sounds like you might have some type of anxiety disoder, give it time
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