Love help: I don’t know how to reassure my boyfriend. - Help.com



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I don’t know how to reassure my boyfriend.

We have been together for 4yrs despite his living in Europe and my living in the US with relatively few problems. Over a year and a half ago I almost left him though. I thought that by now we would have mended things and be able to move forward together as a couple. Out of the blue last night he brought it up and was apparently deeply reflecting on what had happened. Now nothing I can do will reassure him. I thought that by simply loving him, being there for him, and by not giving him reason to doubt me that he would begin to trust me again. I understand that he needs that reassurance. Now I am finding that I need reassurance as well: I fear that he may leave me simply because of his fear of my leaving. He needs certainty and structure in his life; he is a very logical, deeply-thinking man. I don’t want to lose him a year and a half after my almost mistake. What can I do?

This open post was written 2 years, 11 months ago | V/U/S: 1,438, 5, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Forward Together, Being There, Last Night, boyfriend, Certainty, Structure, Mistake, leaving, FINDING, Thought, Love, mistakes (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (5)

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Anonymous #
2 years, 11 months ago (1 minute after post)

Show him. Get on a plane!

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talenafanatic offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 11 months ago (3 minutes after post)

We are both in college :(. I wish it were that simple. Also, I need money and am on the job hunt right now.

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black rose (male) online Verified User (2 years, 11 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 11 months ago (13 minutes after post)

i dont think there is much you can do besides show him how much he means to you and then the rest is up to him to sort his head out

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SlightlyUnique offline Verified User (4 years, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 years, 11 months ago (16 minutes after post)

do the same thing you should always do if you have relationship problems - talk to the other about it - if he is logical, and deep thinking, he is trying to logic it out in his mind, so get him to talk it through with you

if you can’t see him, that be the only thing you can do methinks!

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Anonymous #
2 years, 11 months ago (18 minutes after post)

be careful about this whole reassurance thing
communication and ‘trust’ are key to a healthy successful relationship
continued reassurance is deteriorating trust and creating an unhealthy dependancy which you will both come to resent
while its common to need a little reasurance from time to time…and he may have needed it in a moment of reflection, if he continues to need it you need to evaluate what is really happening and explain you will not continue to reassure him for the long term

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