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My boyfriend won’t kiss me.
So, my boyfriend and I have been together about six months now. In the beginning of the relationship we kissed all the time. (btw, this has nothing to do with bad breath, because we both brush, floss, and use mouthwash a few times a day). We used to kiss so passionately, when we’d see each other, and when we’d part, and then of course we had the make-out sessions. We have sex, but he never kisses me, and I tried kissing him but he just keeps his mouth closed…so I stop. It really hurts my feelings and I’m sure he can tell by my facial expression. It makes me feel unloved and rejected. Even if we are just laying in bed talking and I turn over and give him a kiss on the lips and he keeps his mouth closed and just looks at me. He’s not really kissed me in 3-4 months. He will kiss me on the neck, but that’s about it.
This seriously worries me. He tells me he cares about me, but he’s been hurt so many times. I ask him why he won’t kiss me and the only answer I’ve gotten from him is “my jaw locks up” and I’ve told him to show me how he likes to kiss. (I haven’t had many boyfriends and he knew this in the beginning and I told him I’d love for him to teach me how to kiss and how he likes it) and he still hasn’t. Like I said, he knew this and we made out a lot the first month and a half of our relationship. He was the first person I had sex with and he was patient enough to wait 3 and a half months into the relationship. He is 35 and I am 22. We have NO problem with age. Other than this, we get along great, he does say that he cares about me and he is affectionate in EVERY way possible, except kissing. He also hasn’t ever told me he loves me, but he lived with a girlfriend for 5 years that he never told that to. He says he doesn’t like to get too attached because people are always leaving him and going out of his life. He was married and had kids when he was 19 and then divorced years later but he still gets to see his girls and he’s had several girlfriends after that. Many left him and one was killed in a car accident. I feel bad for him, I’d love to do anything I could to get him to trust me and to ease his pain. I’ve never told him I love him, but I love him dearly. If he knew that I felt that way, I’m not sure how he’d react. He’d probably tell me not to get too attached to him, because he won’t be my last boyfriend. He told me that once and I couldn’t help but to cry because I loved him so much, even then…and that was months ago. We spend EVERY single day together. (Except when he is at work and I’m in school (college). But even then we will spend our evening together.
It’s just, I really enjoy kissing and see it as the ultimate expression of someone else’s feelings…. You can have sex with someone you don’t have feelings for…and I just can’t understand this. It’s really hurting me, making me feel utterly rejected, and when I try to talk to him about it he acts like it shouldn’t bother me. Also, whenever I try to intiate sex it’s like he doesn’t want to, (maybe he’s too tired or stressed because he has a hard job) but whenever he reaches over, grabs my hand, and puts it on his downstairs I just give in because I want it so bad. (3 things I want, to please him, be close to him, and of course how it feels for me)( I swear my hormones were late, I didn’t get into the whole “sex thing” until I was 22 which is now.) And is it unusual that we are basically a new couple and only have sex 1-2 times a month? Even when we first started we had sex once and then not again for 3 and a half weeks. Perhaps it’s because he is in his mid-thirties, but I thought that was when men typically hit their sexual peak? I dunno. I don’t want him just for kissing and for sex, but these are things I do want and desire sometimes, but we do so much together. We play tennis, walk/run together, work out together, go to movies and do other fun things. I even help around the house and I don’t live with him. I even pay for my own food/movie ticket when we go out. In the beginning he paid for things, but I didn’t think it’d be fair for him to always pay for my stuff. Also, it always seems when I’m on my period is when he wants a handjob, of course I do it because I understand he has needs…but when I’m on my period there’s nothing that can really be done with me because that’s just gross. Then after I get off my period it’s like he’s really not too interested in me for at least a week after that. I would love to hear opinions. Thank you.
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