when i wass 11 my mother plucked up the courage to get a divorce from our abusive father who left in the middle of the night halfway through the divorce to live in thailand.
that was the age i started to smoke
at 12 i hung around with the wrong crowd and got into drink drugs and self harming
not that i told anyone about the cutting unless they saw it
that was the age i became curious about my sexuality
at 13 i started to become depressed and had some council workers who gave up on me and stopped making appointments as i am incredibly shy
at the end of that year i started having relationships with girls
at 14 my 2nd girlfriend died of breast cancer
i was sure i was lesbian before my 14th birthday.
i fell into even more bad crowds and became a regular at nightly scenes of drinking and smoking cannabis
im 15 now and have no contact with my father which, don’t get me wrong is a good thing but my cutting has gotten more occurent and i am lost.
i fear it is too late to pick up the pieces yet i try so hard to get my guidance teacher to notice my crys for help and talk to me.
lately i have wrote a letter i am planning to give to her yet knowing my shyness i will chicken out.
i am embarrassed and ashamed
and i know im not depressed because i have friends and they are more sad than me
i just feel empty and sometimes regularly sigh and think what am i doing?
i look at my arm and think, its not enough. its never enough
i fear i will not be able to get my guidance teacher to notice.
all comments greatly appreciated.
Since writing this post alicevam may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. alicevam is not a verified member, has been around for 2 years, 10 months and has 4 posts and 32 replies to their name.
Invite Others to Help
A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.