This post left anonymously
I’m getting fed up with life at the moment.
I’m not perfect and make my share of mistakes. My situation is I’m 22 living at home in college, and working part time in retail. My parents have a house about 4 hours away in anohter city but we have been living in an apartment in the city as my school because they’ve only been able to find work here.
I should have been graduating this year but I fell behind in my classes because of either not passing or financial reasons. When I started college, my parents said they would pay for school like they did for my brother, so they pay for school and a few semesters I’ve paid myself or used loans. I started in ‘06 and around ‘08 is when the trouble started. I left home and lived on campus while they went back to the old house, I was involved in an accident, I lost my job, and ran up a bunch of credit card bills because I didn’t want to ask my parents to save me. Needless to say, they had to come and help me out.
They got jobs down here again and I moved back in with them. When I got classes that summer they asked me with what money was I going to go to school with?? So I sat out 2 semesters, got a retail job that pays pennies, and worked until they gave me money to register for about 2 classes, one which I had to drop. My major involves a lot of math and sciences, which are not my strong points so it was even tougher for me to buckle down. I hated going to school and being frustrated, going to work and being frustrated, then to have to come home and hear my parents complaining about how unfocused I am, how I need to come to them when I need help, and to hear them going on about how much I’m messing up doesn’t help much.
Now it’s the fall semester and I’m doing my best. during the summer I went to them for help with a loan that needed to be paid before I could register. I paid a good amount and they paid some also. The entire time they were going on about how much I was messing up, and about how I’m not focused and need to reprioritize. Mind you, I’m constantly trying to plan my future, take steps to change things, and improve myself.
The only thing I really ask them for is money for school, but maybe that’s too much. I know most people graduate in 4 years but my degree is a 5 year degree and they knew I was out of school for a good amount of time so it’s going to be longer than that. My dad got upset about idk what and recently quit his job and told me on my birthday how he used to think I had my life together but now fears for my future, but is still optimistic. My mom is also fed up with her job, but doesn’t quit.
Now I’ve been happy the past few weeks about going back to school and actually dedicating myself to my work now that I’ve made a little progress over the past spring which I was actually scolded for taking too long to do. I get home from class and I hop on my computer to do my online course and my dad comes in and tells me to listen up and he hopes I take this serious but both of them hate their jobs and they’re going to move back by the end of the month and they hope I appreciate all they do, how I’m going to have to make some decisions coming soon, how it’s taking me forever to finish school and I’m messing up, but idk what’s really going on with them. I feel powerless and helpless to help them or myself, I feel like I have a loose grip on control of my life, I don’t feel like I’m doing my best, I feel stuck, like I’m a bad person, like I’m not growing up the way I should. I also feel bad for feeling this way, I should be strong, able to fully support my family, and fully focused on everything I do, just like they expect me to be. I feel a little crazy right now, I just need to vent to try and organize my thoughts. I was in the middle of studying when he told me that and I can’t concentrate right now.
I don’t like to point fingers or anything but I feel like I do that more than try to take responsibility. It’s no wonder I can’t seem to find a decent, non-overweight, secure girlfriend. Maybe I’m not on the right track and I’m heading down the wrong path like my parents say. I’ve been trying to be optimistic and work towards my goal of graduating, moving out, and making a life for myself where I would be able to provide for them and the rest of my family, but maybe I’ve only been digging a deeper hole or something. Don’t take me too seriously, I’m just upset and venting. If anybody has anything constructive to say I’m all ears, I actually could use some motivating words. I’m halfway done with college and happy about it, but my parents don’t seem to care, they want me done by tomorrow or something.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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