relationship help: I’m Okay.

BuddyLee 20 #
Grandview, MO, US | 2 years, 10 months ago (30 minutes after post)

Why are you unhappy? You really never said.

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abundance 5 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 10 months ago (31 minutes after post)

From the sound of things, it sounds like you have it pretty good. Why would you want to leave your family for a career that is just that? Your children are still very young. Would you want to give yourself to this career at their expense? It sounds like your husband takes care of you and your family, but you two need help on loving each other. Does he verbally abuse you? Going just from what you’ve said it sounds like he is loving you the way a man should. I don’t know how he speaks to you though. Is there something wrong with him wanting you to care for him and the children by being there for them and making your house a “home”?

Help me with: To all teenagers wanting to make a difference.

raineing 0 #
Kitchener, ON, CA | 2 years, 10 months ago (1 hour, 12 minutes after post)

He insisted I stay home but when there are financial struggles he complain’s it’s only him with an income and makes remarks like if he could start all over again he would not have had a family.

He has good intentions but sometimes I feel like he does what he does out of sheer obligation and not love.

He cheated on me for the first 4 years. I found out in the 4th year because he admitted it to me. He asked me to forgive him for getting another woman pregnant he and tried to blame it on the other woman. He said the other woman new about me and new I already had a baby on the way. He said she tried to trap him and that I shouldn’t feel bad because it was me he loved.
He has no relationship with that child. Another woman came to my door the same year to tell me the same thing…she too was pregnant I never heard from her again. In hind sight I saw the signs but chose to stay in denial because I really wanted the relationship to work.

I forgave him but I will never trust him in that way again.

He tells me he loves me yet when he’s angry he tells me, I’m a 35 year old with no career and without him I have no future. He say’s this often enough that it affects me emotionally.

These things and more make it hard for me to love him the way I would like to.

raineing edited this post 2 years, 10 months ago. Read the previous text »

I am a 35+ year old woman with 3 children, 14, 7 and 4. I am in a very unhappy 8 year relationship with the father of my last 2 children. Sometimes he say’s I’m only with him because I can’t do better and the truth is he’s right. I want my children to have all the things I never had and he can and will give them that.

I was abused by my stepfather until I was 14 at which time my mother asked me to leave so that her husband would stay. I was a rolling stone until I had my son at 20 years old. I dropped out of highschool in grade 11, started a quit several community colleges and still managed to owe 18,000 in student loans.

I was always good in english and creative writing and made some money in freelance writing for a few publications but it couldn’t pay my rent. When I met my current boyfriend he seemed the answer to my prayers. He wanted a family, he was a hard worker and a good provider. He insisted that I stay home and raise the children and I thought everything was good. It was terrible! He controls everything, I’ve lost all my independence, and I can’t figure out what to do much less where to start.

He just bought us a new home in my name and I don’t want to mess that up + my credit is great thanks to him and I have a car in my name that he bought me. All I want is a career but at the same time I need a job to pay for my training but who will hire me with no training or even experience.

Please help me I feel like I’m in a hole and there’s no way out.

49508 0 #
Detroit, MI, US | 2 years, 10 months ago (2 hours, 39 minutes after post)

I can help you start a career without spending additional money. If you really would like help with your situation and be able to generate an income from home please visit www.saferhomebetterhealth.com. Send a request for more info and I will call you. We are a team of moms working together from home. Contact me and we will set up a time for you to listen to a no obligation 30 minute presentation and then decide if this is something that will work for you.

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abundance 5 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 10 months ago (4 hours, 4 minutes after post)

Rain, Now there’s a whole lot more to the story now. It sounds like he has been real irresponsible in the fidelity department to say the least. This is what concerns me though. “He has nothing to do with that child”. That doesn’t sound to me like someone who is responsible. That child did not ask to be brought in to this world that way, but he or she was and deserves the dad to at least take the responsibility of caring for them. I hope he at least helps the mom out. No one can be trapped in to sex unless he’s claiming he was raped, that is ridiculous. What has changed in your relationship to make you think he will not do this again? Now that said, have you two received counseling for these issues?

Help me with: To all teenagers wanting to make a difference.

raineing 0 #
Kitchener, ON, CA | 2 years, 10 months ago (4 hours, 25 minutes after post)

No. He doesn’t believe in counselling. His excuse is he was young and every young man does this. According to him and Barbara Walters this morning a little fling is not a big deal.

There is no trust there anymore. I don’t believe I’ll ever trust another man.

abundance 5 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 10 months ago (6 hours, 6 minutes after post)

Ok that’s pretty ridiculous. That just doesn’t sound like a wise statement.

You have not answered me as to what has happened in your relationship to make you think it won’t happen again.

Help me with: To all teenagers wanting to make a difference.

raineing 0 #
Kitchener, ON, CA | 2 years, 10 months ago (20 hours, 8 minutes after post)

well he’s stopped using his cell phone which was his # 1 way of getting in touch with other women. He spends all his free time with me and the kids. He stopped doing long-haul in order to stay closer to home. He often tells me he is sorry for hurting me in the past… he made mistakes that we should leave in the past and start over. The truth be told, he has made a lot of changes but I just can’t say I love him anymore and if he did go back to his old ways, I’ve been through so much I’m immuned now and I wouln’t even care.

My focus right now is to get my independance back but I’m not sure where to start.

I’m thinking about taking on a night shift warehouse position, so that I’m home in the day for the children. I can contribute towards the mortgage and put away some money towards part-time certificate or diploma studies. I want a career, I want to do something with my life that makes me happy and proud. I want to be an independant woman. I know it can happen regardless of what others might say.

abundance 5 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 10 months ago (21 hours, 6 minutes after post)

Ok. If you truly believe he has changed then he has made the decision to remain faithful to his family. Now the ball is in your court to forgive him and be faithful and dedicated to your family. What this sounds like to me is you haven’t forgiven him therefore you are emotionally distant and now looking for an identity apart from him for emotional satisfaction. If you take this night job, you will then use as an excuse to not be there for him as you will be exhausted and sleeping through the day. This will be another point of contention. You will tell yourself you are justified because you are now contributing financially and be upset with him for messing it up. This is of coarse assuming he is not in support of the job anyway. This will also open you up to become attracted to the first man who shows affection toward you and then you might find yourself in real trouble because you are still emotionally vulnerable. If you don’t want a divorce, then you need to become dedicated to him and your family. In order to do this you will need to forgive him. This is a tall order for anyone. You said you had hope after my profile. I will tell you the first five years of our marriage we separated three times and filed for divorce twice. I can tell you about heartache and forgiveness from personal experience. There was no infidelity but trust me there was a lot to forgive. I can say that we did not get through it on our own though. We would not be together today if it weren’t for our willingness to live for God through faith and I mean a lot of faith. I would not have been able to forgive and move forward without receiving strength through Christ. Think about some of the things I have said and tell me if there might be any truth to it. Also, do you think your children might be affected by the way you and your husband relate to each other?

Help me with: To all teenagers wanting to make a difference.

raineing 0 #
Kitchener, ON, CA | 2 years, 10 months ago (21 hours, 33 minutes after post)

My 2 girls don’t seem affected at all. They think daddy’s the prince and
I’m his princess. My son however can see something’s not so right on my end.

When I read scriptures from the bible it actually gives me a sense of peace. I usally put a book or bible down and promise to change the way I’m living and start living according to the word of God but as I go on with my daily life, things always tend to stay the same.

abundance 5 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 10 months ago (23 hours, 3 minutes after post)

Are you a born again Christian? Is your husband? If so, can you give me a bit more of your spiritual situation. I can give you some suggestions from my experience. :)

Help me with: To all teenagers wanting to make a difference.

raineing 0 #
Kitchener, ON, CA | 2 years, 10 months ago (23 hours, 52 minutes after post)

Actually I grew up going to church every Sunday but after I left home I stopped attending church regularly. Since then, I’ve always rememembered who my saviour is and I believe with all my heart that he is the only reason why I am still here today. I believe strongly that he put me here to fulfill a greater purpose and I am so afraid to dissapoint him by not figuring out what it is before it’s too late.

P.S: Thank-you for your reply’s

C.M.Theisen 2 #
Providence, RI, US | 2 years, 10 months ago (1 day after post)

I have a few suggestions for you. One is that your marriage sounds very troubled and I suspect you choose a very unsuitable man because of the emotional damage from your sexual abuse as a child. It always causes survivors to struggle with poor self-esteem. Clearly if you thought better of yourself you would have kicked your cheating husband to the curb early on and found a much better man. (They really do exist by the way…) Anyhow, check out this website run by RAINN. It can put you in touch with a local counselor or support group. You might not have to get help for very long, but if you are open to examining your subconcious compulsions, I can almost guarantee that you will get something really positive from the experience. http://www.rainn.org

You said you were looking for a greater purpose? Sometimes we need to deal withour own inner demons first. Once that is done it becomes so much easier to be a positive force in the world, because you are able to do it from a sense of true generousity. Your motivation is not coming from trying to fill some kind of inner personal agenda or ego need.

On a more practical level here are some ideas for earnig some of your own money for your own financial accounts. How about a home internet business?

You said you were good at english? Have you heard about affiliate marketing? You set up your own website that promotes other people’s products. You get a commission fee anytime you get a visitor to your own site excited enough to buy from the manufacturer. I have a link to a legitimate company (full disclosure: I personally know the owner) that sells the software to run this kind of business. It�s easy to use and great for peope who don�t program, but do enjoy writing.
http://www.simplemoneymachines.com

Other options are data entry jobs can be done online from home. They often require some certification (not too hard to get), but not always. Here are some links to telecommuting job search sites:
http://www.tjobs.com/
http://www.2work-at-home.com/
http://www.homeworkers.org/
http://www.wahm.com/

You can also try data entry, data conversion, CAD, transcription, freelance writing, software and other computer work at home jobs. These are listed at http://www.pcworkathome.net
All genuine jobs are 100% free and do not require upfront money.

I have a few suggestions for you.  One is that your marriage sounds very troubled and I suspect you choose a very unsuitable man because of the emotional damage from your sexual abuse as a child.  It always causes survivors to struggle with poor self-esteem.  Clearly if you thought better of yourself you would have kicked your cheating husband to the curb early on and found a much better man.  (They really do exist by the way...)  Anyhow, check out this website run by RAINN.  It can put you in touch with a local counselor or support group.  You might not have to get help for very long, but if you are open to examining your subconcious compulsions, I can almost guarantee that you will get something really positive from the experience.  http://www.rainn.org

You said you were looking for a greater purpose?  Sometimes we need to deal withour own inner demons first.  Once that is done it becomes so much easier to be a positive force in the world, because you are able to do it from a sense of true generousity.  Your motivation is not coming from trying to fill some kind of inner personal agenda or ego need.

On a more practical level here are some ideas for earnig some of your own money for your own financial accounts.  How about a home internet business?

You said you were good at english?  Have you heard about affiliate marketing?  You set up your own website that promotes other people's products.  You get a commission fee anytime you get a visitor to your own site excited enough to buy from the manufacturer. I have a link to a legitimate company (full disclosure: I personally know the owner) that sells the software to run this kind of business. It�s easy to use and great for peope who don�t program, but do enjoy writing. 
http://www.simplemoneymachines.com

Other options are data entry jobs can be done online from home. They often require some certification (not too hard to get), but not always. Here are some links to telecommuting job search sites:
http://www.tjobs.com/
http://www.2work-at-home.com/
http://www.homeworkers.org/
http://www.wahm.com/

You can also try data entry, data conversion, CAD, transcription, freelance writing, software and other computer work at home jobs.  These are listed at http://www.pcworkathome.net
All genuine jobs are 100% free and do not require upfront money.

Help me with: Changes in personnel at Help.com

galoir-ari 3 #
Rabat, 24, MA | 2 years, 10 months ago (1 day after post)

in all religions an illegal relationship is forbbiden in the sameway it is doomed with difficult problems and concequences plz either you remary you ex husband or you stop that relationship;if only to win the respect and the obedience and the rightiousness of your children ;neivbours,friend and society in general and most important you acceptance of your creator god thanks

for further help :(email removed)

raineing edited this post 2 years, 9 months ago. Read the previous text »

I am a 35+ year old woman with 3 children, 14, 7 and 4. I am in a very unhappy 8 year relationship with the father of my last 2 children. Sometimes he say’s I’m only with him because I can’t do better and the truth is he’s right. I want my children to have all the things I never had and he can and will give them that.

I was abused by my stepfather until I was 14 at which time my mother asked me to leave so that her husband would stay. I was a rolling stone until I had my son at 20 years old. I dropped out of highschool in grade 11, started a quit several community colleges and still managed to owe 18,000 in student loans.

I was always good in english and creative writing and made some money in freelance writing for a few publications but it couldn’t pay my rent. When I met my current boyfriend he seemed the answer to my prayers. He wanted a family, he was a hard worker and a good provider. He insisted that I stay home and raise the children and I thought everything was good. It was terrible! He controls everything, I’ve lost all my independence, and I can’t figure out what to do much less where to start.

He just bought us a new home in my name and I don’t want to mess that up + my credit is great thanks to him and I have a car in my name that he bought me. All I want is a career but at the same time I need a job to pay for my training but who will hire me with no training or even experience.

Please help me I feel like I’m in a hole and there’s no way out.

He insisted I stay home but when there are financial struggles he complain�s it�s only him with an income and makes remarks like if he could start all over again he would not have had a family.

He has good intentions but sometimes I feel like he does what he does out of sheer obligation and not love.

He cheated on me for the first 4 years. I found out in the 4th year because he admitted it to me. He asked me to forgive him for getting another woman pregnant he and tried to blame it on the other woman. He said the other woman new about me and new I already had a baby on the way. He said she tried to trap him and that I shouldn�t feel bad because it was me he loved.
He has no relationship with that child. Another woman came to my door the same year to tell me the same thing�she too was pregnant I never heard from her again. In hind sight I saw the signs but chose to stay in denial because I really wanted the relationship to work.

I forgave him but I will never trust him in that way again.

He tells me he loves me yet when he�s angry he tells me, I�m a 35 year old with no career and without him I have no future. He say�s this often enough that it affects me emotionally.

These things and more make it hard for me to love him the way I would like to.

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I’m Okay.

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