This post left anonymously
I have troubles..
relative as they are to other people’s, I have them. They’re getting me down. I feel jaded right now. I’m going to list them, to give me something to do other than self-hate.
1) I’m single, and lonely. I have ridiculous expectations/standards, and I’m bound not to meet a man who fulfils them, if ever, due to my personal situation which doesn’t exactly make meeting prospective partners possible.
2) I turn off guys in the sense that most guys I meet think that ’she’s way out of my league so I’m not even going to try’. Being ‘good-looking’ can have major downsides it seems.
3) I have led an incredibly sheltered life. I’ve put pressure on myself in situations where I’ve been stressed, and have self-harmed about twice (not slashing my wrists or anything as serious as that). Even now, when I feel like it’s all too much, I take a look at my wrist and long to just find some kind of emotional release.
4) I long to meet the man of my dreams and have new experiences, and experience things other than the mundane, routine bore that is my life at the moment. However, the way that I’m living right now, stifled by others… makes that desire nigh impossible to realise.
5) I long to travel to the US/Aus/NZ. But I have no friends willing to go with me (not that I’ve tried, most of them are working, studying, or abroad visiting family/working)
6) I’m scared of the future.
7) Doing nothing makes me dwell.. and dwelling on my being makes me depressed.
8) I have no job, I haven’t had one since I finished studies in July. I feel useless, pathetic, and a waste of space.
9) I keep going over and over something that happened in my past, even though my mind in moments of lucidity tells me to forget it. When it hits me, the gravity of what I’ve foregone, I can’t help beating myself up about it. It’s like hitting a brick wall, and something akin to depression kicks in.
10) I am not depressed really. Right now I just lack motivation and drive… and feel useless. I am generally an upbeat person, keep my guards up, and am easygoing/friendly/dont let my feelings interfere with enjoyment of life with friends (although I prefer to keep away from my family with whom I’m much less likely to care about revealing the true depths of my feelings).
11) I want change. I just don’t know how to get it.
12) I know my troubles are nothing compared to others. I just came here to rant, so please don’t insult my intelligence and claim that I’m being selfish.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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