Feel help: I’m so incredibly lonely.

This post left anonymously

I’m so incredibly lonely.

All day, every day I feel like I don’t belong. I’ve never felt like I really belonged anywhere. On beautiful days I go for walks by myself and try to pretend I’m enjoying it, but I’m not. I have conversations with people, that’s not something I really have a problem with, but around lots of people I become very very uncomfortable.

I can’t relate to anybody I’ve ever met on the topic of sex. No, I’m not gay (but of course I’m okay with homosexuality, please don’t think me a homophobe), but I wouldn’t consider myself “normal straight” either. I have a tickling fetish. I’ve never met another person with a fetish before, and god, I wish I had someone to talk to about it. I’m in college, where everyone has sex at the drop of a hat, and yet I find myself completely unable to be aroused around other people. I KNOW for a FACT that I can’t be turned on if there’s no tickling involved, but I just don’t feel that there’s ANYBODY I trust enough to talk to about it. I don’t trust my parents at all. I don’t trust my siblings, my friends. I just need an outlet.

When I’m awake, I want to be asleep. I go through the day, all day every day, with an unyielding exhaustion. I’m emotionally weary. More than anything in the world, I want to find a woman I love, somebody I find attractive and somebody who is ticklish and okay with my fetish. I want to get rid of this sick and tired feeling and I want to be at peace with myself.

I have such a difficult time relaxing that I find it difficult to relax the muscles you need to relax in order to urinate. It’s much much worse around other people too. If I’m in a bathroom with others, I just can’t do it, which is just one of the reasons I feel so uncomfortable at social events, though I try to force myself to attend them anyway in hope that I will just “get used” to people. I’ve been to a urologist about this and he says that it’s just anxiety.

I have a bunch of nervous habits. I bite my nails, I chew on things, I pick at scabs, I often nervously look around rooms, but am terrified of making eye contact with people, so as soon as I do I quickly look away and hope they didn’t see. I’m terrified that women will know I find them attractive and I don’t know why. I really don’t know what to do.

This open post was written 2 years, 7 months ago | V/U/S: 1,778, 11, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

Post Tags (14)

depression, fetish, Relax, tickling fetish, Terrified, other people, trust, Feel, hope, talk, lonely, social phobia, unhappy, anxiety (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (11)

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HelpBot 2 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 2 years, 7 months ago (0 minutes after post)

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Anonymous changed the tags on this post: they were "Relax, fetish, Tickling, Every Day, Terrified, other people, trust, Feel, hope, talk" 2 years, 7 months ago.

Anonymous changed the tags on this post: they were "Relax, fetish, Tickling, Every Day, Terrified, other people, trust, Feel, hope, talk, lonely, social phobia" 2 years, 7 months ago.

Anonymous edited this post 2 years, 7 months ago. Read the previous text »

I’m so incredibly lonely. All day, every day I feel like I don’t belong. I’ve never felt like I really belonged anywhere. On beautiful days I go for walks by myself and try to pretend I’m enjoying it, but I’m not. I have conversations with people, that’s not something I really have a problem with, but around lots of people I become very very uncomfortable.

I’m not gay, but I wouldn’t consider myself “normal straight” either. I have a tickling fetish. I’ve never met another person with a fetish before, and god, I wish I had someone to talk to about it. I’m in college, where everyone has sex at the drop of a hat, and yet I find myself completely unable to be aroused around other people. I KNOW for a FACT that I can’t be turned on if there’s no tickling involved, but I just don’t feel that there’s ANYBODY I trust enough to talk to about it. I don’t trust my parents at all. I don’t trust my siblings, my friends. I just need an outlet.

When I’m awake, I want to be asleep. I go through the day, all day every day, with an unyielding exhaustion. I’m emotionally weary. More than anything in the world, I want to find a woman I love, somebody I find attractive and somebody who is ticklish and okay with my fetish. I want to get rid of this sick and tired feeling and I want to be at peace with myself.

I have such a difficult time relaxing that I find it difficult to relax the muscles you need to relax in order to urinate. It’s much much worse around other people too. If I’m in a bathroom with others, I just can’t do it, which is just one of the reasons I feel so uncomfortable at social events, though I try to force myself to attend them anyway in hope that I will just “get used” to people. I’ve been to a urologist about this and he says that it’s just anxiety.

I have a bunch of nervous habits. I bite my nails, I chew on things, I pick at scabs, I often nervously look around rooms, but am terrified of making eye contact with people, so as soon as I do I quickly look away and hope they didn’t see. I’m terrified that women will know I find them attractive and I don’t know why. I really don’t know what to do.

Anonymous #
2 years, 7 months ago (6 days, 2 hours after post)

wow, mouthful
or should i say earful
or should i say eyeful
either way thats a lot of writing…
ok so http://help.com/post/418477-i-am-curi…
i am curious about other ppls fetishes so i would like to hear more about yours
also, it sounds like you have way too much anxiety to not seek help for it.
talk to a shrink, tell them you are feeling anxious, maybe you can get a psychiatrist to prescribe something for your anxiousness, well i want to hear from you, not just about your tickling fetish, but other things too, we all need some one to talk to, and im hoping you will open up to me. :)

Anonymous #
2 years, 7 months ago (3 weeks, 2 days after post)

Believe me, I’ve SOUGHT help before… I just…CAN’T…talk about my fetish… I just can’t. It doesn’t come out. I’ve never told anybody. I can’t do it. I’ve never said the words “tickling fetish” together out loud in my life. When I go to psychiatrists, I usually end up working myself up about other things in my life in order to fill the time up, and then giving up and eventually convincing the shrink that I’m totally fine. I’ve done it with at least four psychiatrists already. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to talk about, it just is. It’s just impossible.

jisturaetenenke #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 6 months ago (3 weeks, 5 days after post)

dude ya shouldnt feel bad about something like that i myself have a fetish, i even admitted it to my mother. same with anxiety, i first thought i was alone too but look around you everyone is different and has their own dark secrets just be who you are dont feel bad about yourself.[i know i sound like a ******* psycologist]

This account has been deactivated.

Anonymous #
2 years, 6 months ago (1 month, 1 week after post)

:p dont worry about being judged, and the beautiful thing about help.com is that we can remain anonymous if we so desire it… ok so dont talk to anyone in person but try to get it out here on help.com try to let someone know how you feel and how it affects you. dont worry about your fetish too much or about curing it, we all have wiered things that turn us on.

Enicbry1 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (1 year, 7 months after post)

I can honestly relate to this one a bit. I, too, have the same exact fetish. I spent three years in isolation from the outside world, cultivation my fetish under the Internet persona of Enicbry and Dr. Dizzie, two names I’d be surprised if anyone knew. I still remembering thinking, “Here I am, a good Christian girl, and I’ve an obsession over this! Is this even right?” I spent my middle shook years plus freshman year of high school telling myself that it was completely fine, even though I felt like it wasn’t. If it was ok, then why was I hiding it from my friends and family? Why did it cause me social anxiety? Why did I let it run my life for so long? It’s only now, two years after I stopped religiously watching tickling videos, reading tickling fiction, and drooling over drawings of bound victims being tickled senseless am so truly addressing my moral dilemma. I’ve also spent the last two years reflecting on why I even developed such a fetish. I think I’ve got it pegged, and-if I’m right-it all started as early as age five! I’d love to put down my entire story for all to see and scrutinize, but I doubt too many people would be interested. Long story short, dude, there are actually girls out there that face the exact same problem, and I being one of them. Right now I’m caught between telling my parents about it all and bringing my dirty little secret to the grave. I promise you it’ll get better, you just have to learn. One good thing about joining DeviantArt was that I made friends from all over the world with the same fetish, and I learned to gain cofidence. I also learned how to write well, though the subject matter was a little odd. Anyhow, it’ll be alright. Just keep on going, and you’ll find your way.

sandi.fossu 0 #
An Unknown Location | 10 months, 2 weeks ago (1 year, 9 months after post)

Just need to hear from anyone!!!! So lonely and confused about so many things!!! Scared of how I feel…..

tickleticklecooco #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 3 weeks ago (2 years, 6 months after post)

I have this, but I’m the one who has to be tickled. :( I need a cure!!!

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