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So the girl I thought was my best friend, Sophia, is being stolen.
Or getting herself stolen. whatever.
I never expected her to call me her best friend. I knew I wasn’t that good a friend, although I really tried. I knew someone like her could have anyone as a friend, so she could certainly do better than me. I never clung, in fact I admit that for a couple of years, I didn’t call her too often, but I was always available when she called. Then I realized that was dumb and started taking chances as well.
And now there’s this other friend, Beatrice. She’s got self-esteem issues, I think. She would like to be more popular, and she blames her current state of relative unpopularity on me, which may be true in part, but not entirely. She’s got flaws as well, you know.
For example, she’s forever trying to make herself feel better my making other people feel like they’re not as good as her. For example, she brags. She fishes for compliments, but she won’t return the favour.
That didn’t use to bother me until she started doing stuff with Sophia. I mean, of course it’s not only OK but none of my business if they’re gonna be friends. The thing is, they started doing stuff without me and then every time, Beatrice would tell me about it in a cheery voice, like she was trying to rub it in.
And now, it’s just not fun anymore. Whenever I ask Sophia if she wants to do something, she’ll either blow me off or suggest we ask Beatrice to come along. Sometimes we do hang out alone, and I always try my best to be fun and she’s nice and says she loved it, but the next time I try it’s the same thing all over again. Whenever they hang out, Beatrice makes sure to tell me, Sophia doesn’t say anything and they never ask me to come with them.
Like, for example, we had all been loosely planning to do something one afternoon, and then when I called Sophia, she just said she was sorry but was now going to see a play with another friend. I was like ‘Oh, cool, have fun!” and then I called Beatrice and she said she was going to see that play, too, but only when I asked who with she told me she was going with Sophia. So then I nearly started crying on the phone and I quickly said okay have fun and that no, I wasn’t mad or anything, and she said but you sound kinda sad, and I felt like saying “Miracle, isn’t it?” but I just said yes, but sad isn’t the same thing as mad and then I said bye.
Later that afternoon they both called to say sorry and explained that another girl and Sophia had been wanting to see that play and had already bought the tickets but then the other girl got sick so she’d been calling me and Beatrice in turns and just asked the first one who came home. I believed it, and I kind of still do. Kind of.
Or, Sophia and I have always celebrated Halloween together as kids because we actually believed in magic and all. So she said (when all three of us were watching a movie) that we should all hang out that night, but Beatrice just said she thought that was weird.
I was planning a little Halloween party for my sister and her friends but thought that maybe Sophia might want to help or hang later but when I asked, she didn’t answer. And then on Halloween eve, when I was busy baking and dressed up and all, my mom suddenly told me they’d called from Bea’s house and were watching a movie and were now stopping by and I was like ohhh okay… Well I played carefree and went along.
Another time, Sophia asked me if I wanted to attend a skiing class with her this winter and I said, let’s do snowboarding instead, and she said cool. So then I suggested that she could come with me and my family to our skiing holiday this year and she said sure and my mom was delighted because she really likes Sophia. But then, Beatrice told me “My winter holidays are going to be great. First, I’ll be visiting my best friend in Hamburg, and then I’m doing skiing class with Sophia!” and when I didn’t say anything, she was like “Isn’t that great? Not great? Hm? It is great, isn’t it?” Like she was really trying to get some response out of me.
So I said I found it strange because Sophia and I had been planning to do a snowboard class and then Bea was like “Hmm… well, maybe she was talking about another week!” But when I told Sophia that my mom had said yes and she could come, she said that she was now probably going on a holiday with her family.
And now this… I’ve been sporadically going to a taizé-style service around here and even more sporadically, Sophia came along. It was like the last thing that we used to do without Beatrice, because she thought it was weird. Well, now the crew’s hired me as a keyboard player and tomorrow, we’re going to a festival in Freising where we’ll play and do the service. Sophia was coming too, and I’ve been telling everyone how awesome it was and how much I’m looking forward to it. No comment out of Beatrice.
Well, now my mom just told me that Beatrice called here - ‘sounding trallalla’, as she phrased it – and wanted me to call her back. I’m pretty sure I know what’s coming: She found out Sophia’s going with me and now she has to come as well. I guess she just can’t stand the thought of me and my best friend doing something without her. And Sophia probably called her up because she wanted to come to the festival but didn’t want to be alone with me. Umm, hello, people? What it this, a bad soap? I feel like I’m in the wrong movie here!
Oh, and whenever I ask Beatrice if he thinks Sophia’s got some problem with me, she just says “No, not at all!” and she always acts like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
I just hate this whole thing. I mean, what kind of friendship is that supposed to be when my one friend is constantly rubbing stuff in and the other one is lying to me? Why won’t they just talk to me? If Sophia doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, well, that’d be quite hurtful and all, but she could at least tell me.
Seriously… this whole thing is like I’m being cheated on, really. WTF? We were friends! I thought they were my friends! What is going on here?
Well, so now I’m going to call Beatrice and have her ask me “Is it okay if I come along?” and say “Oh sure, that’d be great!”. Like I have a choice. Because if I say “No, I don’t want you to come”, then I’ll be an ******* and worth leaving. Leaving. Again with the relationship stuff.
God, my life is so messed up.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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