by jan I was a zombie, living only to clean, take care of the baby, and serve him. He told me we were going to start a new life, get me into college, and get far away from our current location. I was sent to take care of college matters. I arrived there with everything i owned in two little suicases and who was there waiting for me? …. it was him… my love… i had been tricked but it hadnt sunk in yet.
He got me settled and M wanted a divorce. I drank for a month straight. A bartender on base was looking for a roomate, I went to live with her and i got a job at a subway. I had never seen so much snow in my entire life. I had never known such colds. I wasnt equiped for any of it, at all in anyway. after my roomate and her boyfriend and my love snapped me out of drinking they got me halfway back to normal, just enough to be able to live. my love and i ended up reuniting, of course. we house sat for a friend of his and life was purely perfect (except my daughter wasnt there) for one whole month. I recieved the papers and had court two days from then. my love told me to find someone to fill the gap while he was deployed and i was in tn, we argued about this several times but the arguments always ended in me shouting “BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!!” he finally talked me into considering the idea… and by the time i got those papers i had two days to make a three day trip in. It was the first time driving alone that far. a state or two down i was caught between two tornados and stuck in omaha, then drove without rest until i got home at 3am the day of court. i overslept jumped together and got there in time. I was tricked into signing something that said i would provide transportation and only have her weekends. then he wanted her sun for church, and i went to thurs from 6 till sat at six. i was living at my grandmothers yet again, but at least i had my daughter… sort of…
One evening i was on facebook and my old best friend A’s brother wanted to catch up, seeing as he had just gotten back in the state as well. We went to Krystal’s and caught up, i told him how much i loved my love, he told me how he didnt want relationships right now. two days later he asked me out, and after spending every min of those days with him, and my loves suggestion i was persuaded, but not without guilt. We will call him R. R got me into college immediately for the fall. He got me a place to live, food to eat, etc. He made sure I was taken care of (no worries my daughter’s time was with me at my grandmothers monitored…) I was ordered to pay child support so i did. After three months of the temp parenting plan I heard nothing more from M and wasn’t able to hear about, see, visit, or have anything to do with my daughter, due to his assholeishness…. I havent seen her since the end of july…. I am only still alive because of a hope of seeing her, or providing for her some day that that will happen…
July also was the first time i heard from my love. he was safetly across seas, but very unhappy. all we could do was talk on sundays at noon for about 4- 6 hrs because of our schedules…. school when it started up made it difficult because we had started talking a heck of a lot more (daily basis) and it decreased to three times a week. I couldnt handle that much…. He thought i was pushing him away for R but school was overwhelming me so much i didnt even have time for R, my love got more time with me than he did… i dropped one class and am failing two , one is an easy a show up and i talked to another professor, my last class is bio - come on, its a second nature to me. I havent left the house (but for a lab and an emergency counceling session) for two weeks. Two weeks ago many things happened and this is why i am writing to you:
FOR THOSE WHO SKIMMED THIS IS WHY I’M WRITING:
My sister is now 18, she was heavily into drugs and is dating a 40 something year old man. She was reunited with my mother who is desperately trying to help her, but is going through some financial and mental problems of her own. She ignores that fact and helps my sister in any way she can think of anyway.
I am failing college in every form except Biology which i am naturally talented in.
I have isolated myself in my duplex for over two weeks, exception a bio lab and emergency counseling session.
I haven’t seen my daughter since July due to my soon to be ex- abusive-to-me husband. I only even hear about her through family, occasionally, and I’m destroyed inside because of this…
My true love, who i have been with for seven years, called it quits two days after posting an in a relationship with another girl, he told me it was because there was too much pain, he couldnt trust me, and that she was there when i couldnt be.
I am breaking down inside from all this. I have been strong thus far, but have no one left. Please, I need advice.
(ps cant afford a lawyer)
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