Since writing this post Fifi 11c may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Fifi 11c is a verified member, has been around for 3 years, 1 month and has 19 posts and 532 replies to their name.
If the bully is younger, its usually because of the parents. If the bully is well old enough to know better its usually a lack of IQ that prevents them from knowing better, and often has an underlying issue which would explain why they get pleasure from hurting others both physically and emotionally. Also, the exception is, that they have something mentally wrong with them (Chemical inbalance) that is uncontrollable, this is usually where medication and therapy comes in.
The bullied often don’t know that others are willing to help, they are typically afraid to seek help. As a human race (especially men) we love personal pride, and are constantly craving to take matters into our own hand.
Often times, a person is a bully because lashing out at others is the only way they feel that they can compensate for their own short comings. We see it young children because they aren’t getting enough attention (or the right kind of attention) from adults that surround them. We see it in teens (particularily girls) who are insecure about who they are and feel a need to push others down so that they themselves look like a better person. We then later see it in adults in the work place when they are feeling insecure about their job skills and fear another person will either take their job or be more widely praised by their superiors.
As far as the other end of the spectrum, why the bullied person feels bad for letting themselves be bullied… it is again often about insecurity. We are told throughout our entire lives that we need to be strong, self-sufficient individuals who can defend themselves. At the same time we are told that we need to be kind and “turn the other cheek.” These two mind-sets simultainiously allow for a person to be bullied and then feel guilty for having let it happen.
In the end, the important thing to remember is Karma. Though it often takes far too long, it is almost humorous how often “what goes around, comes around.”
Thank you both I found what you said very helpful, I was bullied at school, and more recently at work, and I did start to blame myself and felt weak, like I deserved it.
I’m very sorry to hear that that has been happening to you.
I guess all I can say is to remember who you are, and try to be the bigger person. In the end, the bigger person will ALWAYS win. It may not seem like others around you realise how gracefully you handle a bullying personality, but they will.
“kill them with kindness” is perhaps an over-used phrase, but the basic idea behind it is true. Though you need to be strong, and let a person know that the bullying is unacceptable, you need to do that with respect. Just keep reminding yourself “I AM the bigger person in this situation. I NEED TO BE the bigger person.”
Thank you soo much, I suppose I did do that in a way, I tried to be nice to the bully at work, she just laughed at me, I had to leave the job I was in as it made me feel unwell, It was difficult financially, and she still works there.
The worst thing about it was not being believed by my boss, even though there had been numerous complaints about her.
It was a while ago now, but I often wonder if I did the right thing walking away, and not continuing to defend myself, although at the time I know it felt pointless, and I was ill and tired.
Thank you for kind words, it does help.
I understand that situation SO MUCH. I went through almost the exact same thing.
The important thing is that you moved on. You chose to make a change it a situation where you could have made many, many other choices that would have left you ashamed of your actions.
Just keep holding onto the idea that it will all come back around. Your good choices can only lead you to good things.
Yes, I do know what you mean, some friends of mine were saying “Don’t let her get away with that! Retaleate”, It’s not in my nature, and i find it very hard to understand why someone would intentionally hurt another??
She is still in touch with a friend of mine, a fellow colleague, and she still makes fun of me, because she won. It upsets me that she hasn’t let go of it, but I agree with you 100% if I had lost my temper and shouted at her I would never have felt right about that.
Maybe we both learnt lessons from our experience, and that can’t be all that bad.
All the best to you.
Well i think we are the ones that let our selfs to be bullied, because we are the ones thatpay atention to them they are just worlds empty words are just words we let those simple and empty worlds to hurt us, people hd tray to bully me but i guess that is not posible because of the way i am i make fun of them so bad that they regreat doing that to me , but still my point is that we let them hurt us .Post a reply
She was also making up stories about me to my boss, blaming me for things that I hadn’t done wrong, I know what you mean, maybe I am weak and let people walk over me, but I genuinely find it very difficult to stand up for myself.
U have to find the strenth with in you to do it, because you cant live like that , **** that go and talk to your boss and tell him whats happening , or if he is a good boss he will notice whats happening and stop that chik, but dont let her take the better of you, she is just a person just like you that can only make her self feel better by making fun of other people just en empty shell of make up
I had to leave the job the whole thing made me ill it went on for 5 years, im out of it now, but it bugs me at times and I wonder if I did the right thing by walking away?? Maybe I learnt a lesson and I wont let that happen again. I hope I’m a stronger person now but I have my doubts at times.
Dont ever out your self always tell your self you can do it dont think and just do it, and to be honest with you u didnt do the right thing because you let her get away with it , she won and u lose but u dont have to feel bad about because you know now not to let that happend and stop the problem right there when it happend not let it go for 5 years
Ok,but, I wouldnt have won if i’d stayed, my boss wouldn’t believe me, but I know what you mean, I should have sued the ******** but i was too unwell and I just wanted it all to go away. I’m sure i would be more aware if something like that happened again, and i do doubt myself, but I will try not to Thanks Kevin.
SURE No problem and next time you feel some one bullinh you stop them right away so that wont happend agen :)
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