This post left anonymously
I feel awful…
and empty… I am considered a “party girl” but I know that I abuse drugs and alcohol in an attempt to fill a void… My boyfriend works out of town (and he is an amazing person) but I have cheated on him more than once and not told him. I know it is wrong, I feel horrible but yet I keep letting myself get so drunk that I don’t make moral decisions. It’s not all about the sex… I like the attention and that “new” feeling I get from being with a guy I’m attracted to that is not my boyfriend. I feel like such an eff-up…
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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You are definitely not an “eff-up”. You just need to take a step back and look at this void. Figure out what it is, (guilt? Or something else?) If you are heavily into drugs and alcohol, I know this sounds very stupid, but try meeting with a group about it that deals with those things. You definitely do not want to do something that will ruin your health and your future =/ As for cheating, if it is because he is out of town all the time, you might want to re-evaluate your relationship. If you are so quick as to cheat on him many times, then somethings wrong. Even if he is an amazing person, your cheating might be a sign of a lack of something in that relationship. I know my post sounds really cliche, but please try to take it into consideration. I know you can turn your life around and make it into a better one. Know that many people care about you.
-”The future is bulletproof”
I have seen a therapist for awhile… and didn’t feel like our time was of any help. Also went to a Cocaine Anonymous Meeting and felt like it was almost cult-ish (sorry I know it helps lots of people but was not for me). I’m not sure if I should seek a different therapist or what… just thought someone on here might have some advice and guidance to help
You’re right. I don’t know if it’s a problem with my relationship, and the long distance thing as well or if this is all on me… and my lack of self esteem. I feel like I’m not good at anything (several different jobs and I don’t feel like I’ve found my niche) and maybe I’m cheating because it makes me feel good about myself if only for a night… and then the guilt sets in. I felt devestated the first time I cheated but after 3 more times of doing so it’s like I become numb and it doesnt hurt as bad. This scares me that this is happening to me…
You should definitely try more therapists of various types. I’m sure you will find one that will actually help you. Remember, everything always gets better.
-”The future is bulletproof”
you have taken the first step…each river starts from a small trickle…follow the course…
end the relationship .. if you really cared about your bf you wouldnt be shagging people behind their backs. if my gf did that to me i would be absolutely shook to the core :p.
You need to quit lying to your boyfriend and break up with him before you give him a venereal disease that will kill him… if you want to sleep around do it, just don’t ruin someone else’s life who has no idea who or what you are. You are an eff-up.
Santa Ralph… thank you for being so judgemental (dripping with sarcasm) I know it is wrong… and I feel awful … and thank you Bulletproofheart8 for being helpful and considerate. And I am using protection btw. And I know I’m a **** up
You need to just be honest with your boyfriend. You don’t want to string him along while you cheat on him, no matter how good he is. Also, if it doesn’t make you feel guilty anymore, something is definitely wrong. Try seeking a therapist for this also…this could potentially be the void inside of you.
-”The future is bulletproof”
don’t listen to the negative…I am sure none of us can cast the first stone…welcome to the club of being human…now do something positive.
You said you like the “new” feeling that you get with your boyfriend. So why do you have a boyfriend? If you want the “new” feeling it would be a better decision for you to just date people instead of getting into a commitment. The alcohol and drugs make you a different person. It alters your brain and changes the person you are after continual use. I would urge you to maybe take a step back and look at what you are, where you are, and why you are there. You said you are a party girl to get attention, oh I’ve been there before. It’s really not the attention you are looking for, but it does give you comfort and happiness, but I assure you this is temporary eventually you will not be able to maintain this lifestyle and you will want a change. I realized I did wrong and I confessed to my boyfriend at the time. I would confess everything so you could get help. Maybe more so the alcohol and the drugs. I believe the cheating is caused because you crave the attention which this will change if you just take care of the addiction. Be honest about the addiction so you two can do whatever is necessary to get you in a better state of mind. I’m using more of my own experiences to help, but you sound like me 3 years ago. If you want to make a change you have to start taking the steps. Alcohol Anonymous. I couldn’t go myself, but I went a couple times, mostly I liked reading the book, it helped a lot.
If you didn’t want to know what I thought, you shouldn’t have posted about cheating and lying on an open forum. Sorry about giving you a taste of reality. Now give your boyfriend a little taste of reality, or keep deceiving him until he finds out from someone else and goes nuts…
When someone says they are a **** up rest assured they dont need someone else stating it in a chat forum. I’m looking for sound advice, trust me I can list all my negative qualities before some stranger with a name of “Santa Ralph” can list them. As far as venereal disease as I said I’m using protection. Why make someone who is obvioulsy in need and reaching out for help become on the defense for your ignorant comments. Go “help” someone else …
don’t take the bait chicca…swim past…
Don’t listen to the haters at all. You will get past this point in your life, especially if you seek the proper help. I can assure you, everything is going to work out, it usually always does. =)
“The future is bulletproof”
Ugh… you are right. I am leaving my computer and going to talk to a real friend … in person. Thanks to all that were genuinley trying to help in their responses.
I’m still waiting for my ex wife to tell me the truth but she just wont. A person really needs that closure.
So you want me to sympathize with you for sleeping around? Not gonna happen. I judge you as you are.
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