Love help: I think i’ve lost count of how much suicidal posts ive - Help.com

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Sorry to hear how you’re feeling. Do you feel as though you have no friends and no one to talk to? Like no one loves you? And the girl you really like - why can’t you speak to them. I’d be happy to talk to you now, so I can fully understand your sadness here. :]

Okay. Do you think that the reason for the friends leaving you (online ones) is because you’re only friends to them online? It’s well known that long distance friendships and relationships are harder to keep in tact, simply because of the distance? Or is there another reason for this, maybe?

You said you have no friends where you live. Is there a reason for this - like, you just don’t like anyone, or they “don’t like you” - or so you believe. Or, is it somethign else? Do you go to school? Do you work?

Is this girl you like via online or is she someone who lives nearby you? Have you spoken to her? I say, if you really like this girl, then you should go ahead and make yourself happy by asking her friend for help. Explain the situation - is she a nice friend do you think?

this might sound strange but here is what i believe will help you out.

1. stop caring about other people. start caring about yourself.
(that doesn’t mean you need to step on others or discard or ignore them though)
the reason for your life is YOU. and it is your duty to make your life good for yourself regardless of any other person.
do things YOU like, (that doesn’t involve other people).
go to places YOU want to go, do things YOU like to do.

2. create new experiences, new excitements, new hobbies.
they will take up the space in your mind that is now occupied with all that things that bother you. take the girl out of your system, you don’t need this **** if it is affecting you so badly. not worth it.
those new things in your life will also give you interesting things to talk about, and will meet you with new people that share the common interest.

we are stronger creatures than we believe.

our mind is working of paths between A and B.
it trains itself to think B whenever there is A.
if you get bad B’s you might want to get rid of the A’s that caused them.
and new positive A’s will outcome in new positive B’s.

sum wrote:
I do but all my friends abandon and leave me. By friends im referring to online ones since where i live i have no friends. They are actually good friends but still leave me over time. It doesnt seem like anyone really loves me and the reason i cant talk to the girl i like is because i have no way of contacting her and im too scared to ask her friend for help.

online friends aren’t considered friends.
they are not real and have no commitment towards you.

go to the local community center, take a look a round, you’ll see many opportunities.

did you look for that girl in facebook? tried messaging her?
don’t you think if the feeling was mutual she would be looking for you by now?
who cares about her friends? no reason to talk to them at all.

I see, so those people, you understand have lives outside the internet. You said that they get sick of you being depressed and so that’s why they end contact with you. Do you talk to them about how you’re feeling, is that why? Or is it just the overall atmosphere with you, that they dislike - ie. your vibe is just generally of a depressed vibe? Am I right? I can understand frustrations one may have with someone just being down all of the time, but it’s definitely, in my opinion, not something they couldn’t discuss with you. If however, it’s after you’ve spoken to them about being depressed, it is a real shame that they would not talk to you and leave just because you’re depressed. That is very sad, and maybe, however good a friends you were with them, it could be a good thing that you no longer make contact with them - you shouldn’t keep friends because you don’t have any others, if they’re not treating you like them. But I could be totally off here - maybe try and be more descriptive in regards to this - if I am off, I do apologise!!

What makes you feel as though you don’t fit in with the people there? How are they different to the way you are? Why do you think you would lose them? Do you think this because of the online friends you’ve had that have left? As I said before, online relationships are harder to keep than those forged in a closer contact space. What about friends from work? Do you get along with anyone in work? Why don’t you want to go back to College? The depression, I can imagine, has something to do with this - you’re not interested anymore - which is what happens with depressive people - they lose interest in things. Or are there things going on there to which you don’t enjoy - or do you just not like college.

So this girl you know, you met her online am I correct? How can you not have contact with her anymore? I’m sorry, I’m quite confused here. And her being nice - that’s a good starter! You can at least be assured that she is a kind person and willing to listen. Because, I think, you should talk to her and let her know how seriosu you are and then explain how much you like her - this could be to the friend so she can pass it on or to the girl in the first place when you are able to make contact with her.

I also read what you wrote further on. You said you have social anxiety. I think you should seek out professional care for this - there isn’t a way that this can be helped simply over the internet. It is however, good to see that you like other people - this could be so much harder if you not only believed no one likes you, but you didn’t like anyoene else. We have a positive!! :)

I disagree with the above comments however; online friends, though not usually as close as those in person, are true friends, yes. They are real people, they’re just not physically there.

sum wrote:
@ grbghp
1. no that goes against everything about me and every common sense in me. I see no point in just being me and alone. I do like doing things for other people and i really do care about other people. I like to love people. I like talking to people well online at least, in real life i have bad social anxiety and it prevents the talking some.

2. what? shes the only reason i havent killed myself yet really just about. She also made me feel more alive than i ever have before. I dont know about hobbies but thats just a temporary distraction that can only hold me off so long and i know this because i used to always just distract myself. You are right on the experiences bringing more to talk about because i dont know what to talk about always yet i do manage to have endless things to say about anything still somehow.

okay i got confused on the A and Bs a little but i think you said to think backwards?

dude, you won’t be giving up anything of your personality.
trust me.
i know it seems strange and hard to change the perception.
but when you start doing things only for yourself, you’ll end up giving others a lot more than you had. and you will have much more you to offer.

if your life depending on one person, once that person is removed, you will find out life has a lot more to offer than just one person you don’t even have any link to…
i know it affect you whole, and that every thought brings you to that person.
thats not a way to live. you gotta brake it.
maybe she is the reason you didn’t kill yourself, but she is the reason you got to this situation in the first place.

i forgot to add important 3.
don’t underestimate the value of family.
we feel lonely often because we want a specific person’s attention,
and then we are blinded to the real friends and the real people that are always there and always love us. family can be the best friends you will ever have.

i’ve been in your situation and back.
was much more complicated with betrayals and stuff you don’t want to know.
i knew it would seem strange and contradicting to you, but you’ll have to trust me on this one.

sum wrote:
okay i got confused on the A and Bs a little but i think you said to think backwards?

nope, just that our minds work with triggers.
you can call it suggestions if you’d like.
just like it learns when you leave something in mid air (A) it would fall down (B),
just like when someone throws a ball at you (A) you rise your hands to catch it (B),

when you are inlove, the system gets messed up:
when you eat lunch (A) think of her (B)
someone throws a ball at you (A) think of her (B)
when you leave something in mid air (A) think of her (B)

those suggestions were planted there by an event or a thought,
caused by that person, like a programming:
she eats lunch - make lunch remind me of her
she throws a ball - make balls remind me of her

what you need to do is to reprogram by adding new information:
(learning to play basketball)>>
someone throws a ball at me (A) catch it >> run to the center >> pass the ball out >> assume better position >> catch the ball again >> jump >> dunk >> victory (B).

:)

sum wrote:
I dont fit in with them because a lot of the people here are really conservative or are into things im not at all. I dont really fit in with people my age because ive been denied a life so much i just am on a different level than those people and i dont fit with guys very well because most of them just care about nothing but video games and crappy metal bands i dont even like or something dumb like hunting. I live where there are a lot of rednecks. I moved here a year ago. No how i feel about people where i live doesnt really have to do with friends ive had online. My friends ive had online were beter than the friends ive had in the past in person.

sad to say but this is very prejudgeous.
instead of looking on whats common you look for the differences, and come with opinions before you really get to know people you don’t really know anything about.

instead of looking for where you can fit in, you assume you don’t.

in people, there is everything of everything everywhere, but you don’t care to look, so you can’t see it.

online friends seems better only because you can dress them up with any values you imagine.
the true person behind it is MUCH different than you’d think.
thats what “online people not being real” is meant to say.

every rose has it’s thorns. but you are so scared of the thorns you don’t even see the rose.

*taking a deep breath*

i can see clearly the boil you are in and it pains me a lot.

i’ll try to explain in length this time.
but all my explanations wouldn’t help if you won’t act.

when you exist for others only, you don’t exist. you have nothing to call self. thus you are of no interest to other people either.
you gotta ask yourself when was the last time, if ever, that you went somewhere YOU wanted to go to - to differ from joining someone or going somewhere someone else wanted to go to.

you need to develop your own interests, this not only causes you to be able to enjoy yourself, enjoy being yourself, and loving yourself, this also causes other people to look up to you. THEY will want to join YOU. THEY will want to be with YOU. not the opposite.

this also means, when you put yourself first on your list, that you wil invest in yourself.
you will dress and look better - just for your own good feeling and not to impress anyone.
you will go to learn new things just because they interest you, not even because you need them, or because someone else does. you will surprise yourself.

you are that empty glass. waiting to be filled.

when your glass is full, you have a lot to share from.
you can’t share the water in an empty glass.

putting yourself first on your list will also make you independent.
you won’t NEED anyone. not family, not friends - you CAN live without them and enjoy life.
when they are not a need - they are a privilege.
you will appreciate them much more - but will be less sensitive to their whims.

–
second thing is the woman.

you are trapped in thought loops.
every thought leads to her, and every thought of her leads to frustration on not being with her, on your own supposed disability, about that other guy making a mess, about wheels that can’t be turned back, about your own loneliness…. etc…

BAD THOUGHTS.

and the axis is that girl.

all that bad thoughts osculate with each loop,
their damage increasing because of the isolated state you are in.
because you are unable to enter new paths to the system, it only produces the same destructive thoughts.
this messes up your life, on every aspect.
it is not going on a good lane. it will not end good if you keep treading the same path.
it HAS to be cut out. cut clean. immediately.

a person that is good for you SHOULD NOT produce any bad thoughts around it, even if they are not on her fault!
she is NOT good for you. even if she is good.
these thoughts will haunt you forever if you keep aiming at her.

remove the axis, let your mind be at peace, clear the system.

you see your family as suffocating because you CHOOSE to look at it like this.
treat them as true friends, change your perspective about them and you will see.
they care for you, they want your benefit, they know you best and often will know whats good for you better than yourself. and even if not, you should embrace their advices, embrace them, they are your anchor. something to hold on to no matter what happens.
they will always forgive you and love you.
it is not how they act, it is how you choose to look at them that makes them such.

when you understand that they are always there, you understand that you are never alone.
you will understand that the reason you are feeling lonely, is because of that girl.

the only thing that is suffocating you, is YOU.

right, you know STUFF about people online… you can know very intimate details.
but you never know how they are for real.
you build too much expectations about them. and they are far from it.
i have met many people i was previously talking with online, or on the phone, and even video chats. they are never the same. you can’t really know a person until you look him in the eye - face to face. and even then it can take time.

you heard and talked to people where you live.
but you haven’t gone out and met them.
like i said there is everything of everything everywhere.
each person is a world of it’s own, and labeling someone as “unworthy” for the reasons you mentioned, shows you never really cared to know them.
anywhere you’d be there would be people you can relate to better, and people you can’t relate to. but if you just sit and grump to yourself you wouldn’t notice the people worth knowing even if they would jump in front of your face.

be interested in other people, and they will be interested in you.
patronize them, and they would stay away from you. or leave you, like they do.

I am in agreement with some of the things i have read. And it may not be much, or sound odd, but if you wish to talk to me, id be more than happy to make a friend myself… You aren’t the only one with no one hun…

Offer is there x

Don’t sound too appreciative will ya ;P

I’m kidding hun. I wont lie, i need all that too, but i admit that im a clingy SOB. But thats just me… I like to be appreciated, but i dont find much of that these days :’(

Oh, and newsflash, i wanna talk :D

The price of fish? >.>

Ewww, close your legs then :P Oh wait, you’re a guy lol, its not fish >.>

it sounds like you are trying to convince yourself mate.
there is no need to argue or disproof when given an advice.
take what you want and leave the rest.

i cannot help you if you don’t want to be helped.
when you’ll decide it is time to change things, well, that would be a start.

if it was just a rant, well, please say so next time.

i’m not fat, i have big bones. so people say.

all in good time i guess.
time is the best healer.

Know lost of people are against meds.
Forgot to take mine today, I’m just going to go to sleep soon
Wanted you to know maybe Anti depressants could help.
Try more than on if the first doesn’t work.
According to my Pharmacist, been on em all
the new Pristiq is working kinda
Needs to be stronger dosage
Can’t see a doctor until March 5th
I get the meds free cause i have no insurance or money to pay
Talk to your doctor

mine nest really change my moods.
I do take alprazolam to help with anxiety.
it is an addicting pill do I try not to depend on it
I’m on a low dosage sometimes I take 3 others just one

Trust me, if you’re depressed and its nothing more serious, taking anti-depressants is an okay option. You still feel emotion, they dont make you a zombie, they just even out your mood so you can go on day to day without wanting to jump in front of the nearest big fast moving object >.>

and griff, thats bad, youre supposed to take a steady dosage or its not effective…

I don’t walk around like a zombie
the alprazolam help me maintain control
so i don’t break down an cry
My meds hav never had a bad effect on me
Zoloft made me eat. Most did nothing
Thanks OhMeOhMy

Theres plenty out there, and usually you get put on the mildest ones first, but ive heard bad stuff bout Prozac, so steer clear. Just get to the docs, best off on a bad day, and just let it out. Hopefully they will get you sorted. Remember, if you do get anti-depressants, they can take about 3 months to settle into your system and be fully effective. Keep taking the same, around the same time each day, and you would hopefully see that youre alot calmer and feel more well in yourself… But they arent the be all and end all answer… You have to combat the problems too.

Same dose **

Roses& Unicorns is right.
Yesterday I forgot to take my pills,
by the time i remembered it was bedtime
I couldn’t figure out why i was such a basketcase

I’m a healthcare/maid/cook/doormat for the person i stay with
i make sure he takes his pill 3x’s a day,
I take all mine in the morning,
remembered this morning feeling little better

I’m just going to reply off that big message you left for me :]

Okay, so it’s not what you say or how you are around your friends that made them ‘leave’ you, correct? But instead, their reasons for leaving are unknown to you – or occur after they have a mad rant at you? When you said ‘fixing’ things, what things did they mean, that you needed to fix? Fix things in the relationships you had with these people?

You said you’ve been ‘denied a life’. Can you tell me what you mean by this? In what way have you had your life denied? By who? Sorry for all the questions I ask, it just kind of builds up a better profile, if you know what I mean. Hm, it can be hard however, getting along with people that you don’t share any interests with, sure. What kinds of things are YOU interested in. I know you said there’s a lot of rednecks around there, but there’d have to be some people existing there that aren’t like the rest, but rather, more like you – at least someone.

You’ve never had a job? How would you feel about maybe starting one? Does that interest you at all? It wouldn’t need to be anything spectacular, obviously, but maybe something so you can get a little cash in your pocket, mingle around with some new people and, by having a job, you have less time to focus on problems such as those that you’ve been telling us about. They obviously wouldn’t GO AWAY, but they’d be put on hold for at least a little while, while you’re being distracted by work. Of course this is only an idea of mine, and by no means am I saying “go and get a job, now.” :] Have a think about that; it might interest you.

Um, excuse my ignorance, but could you perhaps explain to me what a community college is over there? Here, we have a completely different system, and with an explanation, it would help a lot with me understanding what you mean by that :] Can I also ask how old you are – don’t feel obliged to answer this question if you don’t feel comfortable with it, however. :]

Okay, so the friend knows you’re in love with her friend, the girl you’re interested in, correct? But not understanding the seriousness…hmm. Do you think, I might have already said this, having a serious conversation with this friend, would be a way to go. Let her know at the start, that what you’re saying is as serious as it can be, and then go from there. A serious talk is the way to go. Not just a mention – but a deep, meaningful conversation. You said you get panic attacks though? Do you have methods used in the past that you use to control these?

You said you can’t leave the house for a variety of reasons – anxieties etc. But do you think maybe it’s a lack of enthusiasm rather than something like that? Like, if we’re not looking forward to something, then why would we leave the house at all, do you know what I mean? I’m not saying that this is the case, but it’s not always something in relation to the mental health of a person – it could very well be, sure, but I think more would need to be looked into before you were to say, yes, that’s why I can’t leave the house, do you know what I mean? You said your friend said that it would be post-traumatic stress syndrome? For this to happen, I could imagine something would need to be really traumatic, a bit more than just an inability to talk to someone etc, such as an attack you experienced on a day you walked out of the house for example.

That’s all good! Don’t feel like you need to write a massive post in response. I generally write big ones so that you can get the most out of them, and so that what I’m saying actually makes sense.

Hm, it sounds like these people has an unrealistic idea of what you should and shouldn’t be able to do. When in such a state, it can be very difficult to just live, let alone fix yourself – to do that you need help at some point – it’s not just like waving a magic wand, hey. Do you think some of this, you know, wanting to fix this and that about you yourself, could be because they kind of cared about you? I personally, at times, have wanted people to do some things differently in their lives (not quite to your extent), but it was only out of the fact that I cared about them and I wanted better things for them in their lives – do you think that maybe this could also be the case here, at least with some of these people? Did they all do this?

That actually made me quite sad when you told me that your mum overprotected you and so you missed out on a childhood. I really hate it when that happens to children; because the one thing a child has, is a childhood, so it is really sad when I meet someone who did not. And because of this, it makes a lot of sense as to why you mightn’t be able to, socialise and get out there in life, because it’s something out of the ordinary. For most people, for example, knowing that when you go to the shopping centre you are likely to talk to someone, but for those who haven’t experienced, wouldn’t be used to it, and so, the anxiety of going into the unknown kicks in – did that make sense?

I think it would be a good idea, however much you mightn’t like it, to go and see a counsellor or someone of the sort, who specialises in patients with social anxiety. I’m not saying you have to here, but I think you would definitely benefit from this kind of therapy.

That’s lots of things you’re interested in that sooo many people would be interested in too! Have you tried looking around for like, I don’t know, clubs or organisations that have relations to these kinds of things? Like, joining an art class? That way, you’re getting out of the house, doing something you like AND meeting people with a similar interest to you! This could be the same for a number of the interests you have above – you said you liked blackjack etc. have you been to a casino? They often do tournaments and maybe that could interest you – if where you live even has a casino that is. I know you said that you don’t click with other people, but how do you know until you meet every single one of them? Maybe if you do like, join a group or something, you’ll find other people that you find you actually do click with. You missed out on your childhood, I know, but why not make up for that and start getting out now? This is the kind of stuff teenagers get out and do; it’s not too late for you to start this now, either. Maybe one day you’ll look back and see, even though it wasn’t the same, and a bit late, that you did have some fun as a young person. I think it would be really good if you did that.

If you’re in a community college, then why not go the rest of the way afterwards – you’re halfway there and the years spent at this community college would have just been wasted if you get to the end of it. I think, if you want the best opportunities for you, in the career world, then it’s best to go through with it. If you don’t then maybe one day you’ll regret it, and we don’t want that do we. It doesn’t matter if you don ‘t know what you want straight away – keep thinking about it. You’ll find something. I didn’t think I would find anything, but last minute, I knew I was onto something.

Why don’t you like being in your ‘early 20’s’?

Hm, that’s a shame that she’s treating this like a joke. Maybe each time you are able to talk to her, do it again and again – just tell her how serious it is every single time you talk to her – repeat yourself if necessary. Maybe you could do some research over the net, as to how to manage anxiety attacks. I’m sure you could find some forums or something with people who experience anxiety and have tips on how they manage to deal with it. Or if you end up seeking counselling, you could ask them this too.

No, you have no need to tell mne anything you don’t want to, especially if you’re fearing for safety because of it - I understand that. But that is an awful thing he’s done, and I can see why it may have stressed you out quite a bit.

Sorry for my late reply.

Go out and socialize with the other people around you. you may not fit in but one thing in common can lead to other discoveries