relationship help: Two guys, one girl, at the same work. - Help.com

Two guys, one girl, at the same work.

Is this messed up or not?

OK, I have asked this question to a couple of people in person, and the response varies. So here’s the back ground.

I’m an IT professional in my early 30’s and have been seeing a girl in our office for over 18 months. It was a relationship, met family, friends, told each other the L word etc. A couple months ago, she started pulling away from me big time after I went away on a trip. I mean we only saw each other 4-5 times in 6 weeks and that was all on her. She has depression and anxiety issues, which she has been having therapy for for a while and she seems to be doing well. The whole time we have been together, I have been trying to help her with these issues.

In any case, after the constant pushing away, I confronted her a few times, which always ended not so great. She has a great difficulting talking about it. I ended up telling her that this is going no where for me, and the choices over me only make her issues worse. She needs time to herself. It hurt, both of us. She had a breakdown at work afterwards and was comforted by the boss. (Our employers know we were a couple). We never became nasty, we kept in touch for a short while until I told her it was having an affect on me. (she was texting me self-harm stuff, and it was hard since she won’t let me be there for her)

We work in a small company. 12 odd staff. I am suspecting that she has started seeing another guy (similar age) from the same office. I have my reasons for suspecting this, and I won’t go into those. But I really feel pretty betrayed if it turns out to be true. And I figured that it would be a rather silly idea for her to do so professionally considering our employers know about our history (and how long).

How messed up is this situation really in your opinion? Especially considering the boss knows about us?

This open post was written 2 years, 4 months ago | V/U/S: 955, 7, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post Dutch may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Dutch is a verified member, has been around for 5 years, 3 months and has 4 posts and 59 replies to their name.

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HelpBot offline Verified User (0 minutes) Shouts: 2 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 2 years, 4 months ago (0 minutes after post)

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Dutch changed the tags on this post: they were "relationship, Professional, depression, Situation, breakdown, question, Response, Constant, two guys, big time" 2 years, 4 months ago.

kiki333♕ offline Verified User (2 years, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (10 minutes after post)

oooooooh Office romances…neverrrr a good idea. I would do my best to keep everything professional, especially around the boss. My personal motto is, pardon the lewd language, “Don’t sh*t where you eat.”

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Siren offline Verified User (4 years, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (17 minutes after post)

but why do you feel betrayed? you broke up with her. shes moved on so you should too

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Help me with: DEAR ALL HELP USERS:
The Sherlockian offline Verified User (5 years, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 41 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (23 minutes after post)

Yeah, Dutch! It’s a BAD idea to date people in the workplace, especially a small workplace, because this is exactly the kind of stuff that happens!

The simple fact is that she has so many issues that she’s not ready for a relationship. She needs a therapist or counselor, not a boyfriend/counselor.

You can be her friend, but she’s got so many issues that she doesn’t know what she wants, or how to get it. She really does need professional help–and the average person is just not equipped to do that kind of thing for somebody else!

You’ll probably end up as the villain of the workplace–and that’s why you don’t want to date people from work!

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Dutch offline Verified User (5 years, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
Auckland, 00, NZ | 2 years, 4 months ago (28 minutes after post)

SoulCal - Fair question. I say I feel betrayed because I have to come to work everyday in a love triangle. I was only the one to say the words. Seeing your boyfriend a few times in 6 weeks is not far off doing the same.

The thought of any other guy outside work. Fine.

I guess it’s a tough one to get across without seeing the exact context of the relationship and subsequent breakup (and what came after). I just thought she would care a bit more about my feelings than to put me in that sort of postion.

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The Sherlockian offline Verified User (5 years, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 41 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 49 minutes after post)

She is probably too wrapped up in her own problems, and too concerned with her own needs, to be able to give any part of herself to anyone else.

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